Saturday, October 22, 2011

Munch's Hunches: NFL Week 7

Greetings StuntDad Nation and welcome to Week 7 of the NFL 2011 season.

Are post-game fisticuffs between coaches more interesting than an actual football game? Did the Bengals get TWO 1st-Round draft picks for a washed up, 33 year old quarterback? Charles Barkley is now covering the NFL due to the NBA lockout—we already have Warren Sapp, do we really need another overweight mushmouth analyzing the weekly match-ups?

Well folks, Munch bounced back from a tough week 5 by going 2-1 in Week 6, and I firmly believe that a 66% winning percentage is good enough to start betting on higher learning educations. So, the Stunt Pete household is betting big this weekend. If at least two of his predictions below are correct this week, it looks like the little guy can punch his ticket to an already-paid-for university of his choice. If not, I'm going to have to go "Denzel Washington on him" and turn him into the next Jesus Shuttlesworth.

The Saturday Stuntline is shaping up as...

The Early Game
  • Match-Up: San Diego (4-1) at NY Jets (3-3)
  • Preview: Earlier this week, Rex Ryan ran his mouth to the world again. He stated that Norv Turner sucks as a coach by bragging to reporters that if San Diego had hired him in 2007, Ryan and the Chargers would have several Super Bowl Rings by now. This same world also knows that Rex is a douche and the only rings he'd have by now would be those from a Burger King value meal. However, this type of pre-game dissing might lead to another post-game "My Schwartz is Bigger Than Yours" incident. And, who wouldn't want to tune in just at the thought that someone might slug Rex Ryan right in the (pork) chops?
  • Munch's Hunch: Coach Ryan looks like a piggy. Piggies play in poo-poo. Go Chargers!!!
  • StuntDad Diatribe: Ok, kid—their coach is a turd, I'll give you that one. But, I think the bacon-cravin', feet-lovin', trash-talkin' widebody motivates his team to finally reach their potential this year to stun the Bolts on their home turf. This will be LaDainian Tomlinson's first game against the former team who decided not to give a 31 year old running back $8 million a year. Major props to Chargers owner AJ Smith, but be forewarned—LT is poised as a pig-in-s#$t for payback, and Mark Sanchez is said to have brought two cartons of hot dogs for the 4th quarter of this week's Lips and A$$holes Bowl. Gang Green oinks one out: 31-30.
The Late Game
  • Match-Up: Houston (3-3) at Tennessee (3-2)
  • Preview: Has it really been 14 years since the Houston Oilers moved to Nashville? My god, I was still in college. Tear. Enough with the nostalgia...In the preseason, this game was hyped around Johnson & Johnson. But, an injury will prevent Andre from playing, and money will prevent Chris from playing—well. How many times do we see player performance decline after he receives an insanely high contract extension? CJ2K is no exception as he has 53 million reasons why he should run out of bounds instead of turning up field. The chance for a 1st down coupled with the the thought of a seven-man pile on could cost him that G5 he and his buddies have their eyes on. However, this game will likely come Down to the Matt, as these two quarterbacks, Schaub and Hasselbeck, won't have their superstars to lean on. The Battle for the AFC South features two teams that are very evenly matched, with or without J&J, and should be a close one.
  • Munch's Hunch: Coach's name is Munchak. Word. Go Titans!
  • StuntDad Diatribe: I can respect the name bias Kid, but Tennessee is going to feel the wrath of the Arian Nation. Foster will go "2&2: with 200 all purpose yards and reach the endzone twice. Matt Schaub will have a solid game albeit forgetful game by having his own "2&2" game (+200 yrds passing, 2 touchdowns). Remember when Matt Schaub was thought to be the second coming of Joe Montana after throwing for 4,000 yards two seasons ago? He's actually starting to show his true colors as more of a, well—Matt Hasselbeck. But, it will be Hasselbeck who struggles against an underrated Texan secondary. In fact, I predict that after throwing 2 interceptions for the first time all season, the aging quarterback will finally admit in the post-game interview that he is just happy to still be on TV at this point of his career, in this week's Double Deuce Bowl. Houston "Remembers the Oilers" with a 28-24 win.
The Night Game
  • Match-Up: Baltimore (4-1) at Jacksonville (1-5)
  • Preview: Like last week, we flipped another quarter between the SNF and MNF games this week as both match-ups kind of blow. Two of the best (Baltimore and New Orleans) go up against two of the worst (Jacksonville and Indianapolis). We're stuck writing about this match-up and you're stuck reading about it.
  • Munch's Hunch: Nomo Mojo — Go Ravens!
  • StuntDad Diatribe: You got it, Kid. To make this game semi-entertaining, we are thinking that  a Prop Bet might make this fun: who gets knocked out of the game first: Maurice Jones-Drew or Blaine Gabbert. Mojo might be a rolling ball of butcher knives, but he will be pummeled by a defense who is old enough, smart enough, and dirty enough to clog the lanes on every down, in order to make Gabbert throw. While MJD takes the hard hits inside, my guess is that Chuck Pagano (D-Coordinator) will bring the noise on every play by blitzing Lewis and Suggs early and often on the rookie. Gabbert will get hurried, knocked down, and probably have his hair long, golden hair messed up in this week's Breaking Blaine Bowl. Ravens cage the Jags: 34-13.
Now, we turn to StuntDad Nation on your thoughts on these and other games from around the league. Likes, dislikes, hits, & misses?

- Not a parenting blog, not a daddy blog, not a mommy blog — it's a Stunt Dad blog.
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