Saturday, October 8, 2011

K2: We've Got Her Name, So Don't Ask, Don't Judge

Number 1 question after telling people that you're expecting? Easy. "When's she due?" Number 2 question? Even easier. "Have a name picked out?"

With our first-born, Wifey and I differed on the naming approach. The only fair way we were going to resolve this was to let a gold medal hockey game in the 2010 Winter Olympics decide it for us. (wait, you don't base major life decision on the outcomes of International sporting events? Hmmm.)

Canada was playing the US, which was the perfect backdrop for us. Wifey is from Toronto, and I am from Chicago. Before the game, we made THE BET: whosever's country won gold, also won naming the naming rights.

The heavily underdog Americans sent the game into OT, causing Wifey to become panic-stricken because everyone and their mothers knew my name of choice: Dingo. Yes, you read that right. Dingo, as in the wild, rabid, Australian dog.

Side bar: I equate unique names with Winter Olympic athletes (Matti Nykanen, Picabo Street, Apolo Ohno, Oceane Pozzo, Zoltan Kelemen, to name a few) and nothing would be more unique than Dingo—and I guarantee no one would win more gold medals than an athlete named Dingo.

But, I digress. Sidney Crosby fired a puck past Ryan Miller and Wifey got her wish. This only fueled interest from our friends and family as to the name of our child, but we remained mum until Munch arrived two months later [for newbies to Stunt Dad, his real name isn't Munch. And, it's not Sidney either=) ].

As soon as we started talking about having #2, we already knew his or her name. Wifey said it outloud and it just stuck. (I guess we won't have to watch the International Swedish Rowing Championships this year.) And, like with Munch, we weren't going to tell. Munch's real name is very unique, but it's also very boy-sounding.

When we found out K2 was going to be a girl, I hesitated on the name we had decided on. It's not technically a gender-neutral name and would probably be considered more boy than girl. All the more reason not to share with anyone.

So, when you have a name for your soon-to-be, here are 3 rules to live by:
  • Decide if you are telling people or not telling — and stick with it: if you start telling some and not others, you are bound to forget who you told and didn't tell; this can avoid the uncomfortable slap upside the head from Wifey when you accidentally spill the beans to someone you shouldn't have
  • If telling, be prepared for the worst: people have no tact and won't hesitate to voice their opinions, such as, "Excuse me, did you say ____?" or "Really? ____? Are you serious?" I don't care if you knew a fat girl in grade school named Patty. Or if there is a guy named Tom in your office that tells horrible jokes and stares creepily at the interns. It is our name, don't crap on it.
  • If not telling, don't second-guess it: your wife is likely feeling that a million decisions need to be made before baby comes, so if you are name-jumping on her leading up to delivery after you've agreed to a name, chances are that she is likely to slap you much harder upside the head than a simple bean spilling
There you have it, everything you will need to live through the naming process. Trust me at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter...unless you give the kid a creepy middle name partnered with the first name. There are studies that all famous killers are that way because of the use of a first name and middle name combination...Think about it.... John Wilkes Booth, John Wayne Gacy, Lee Harvey Oswald or even Wile E Coyote. Seeing the connection?

How did you handle the naming process? Any great stories to share?

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