Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Halloween Costume Bar Has Been Set

I know that we are a month past Halloween, but I saw this online today and I have to say... the Halloween costume bar has been set pretty high this year. These clever parents dressed up their little ones as Lloyd and Harry from Dumb and Dummer... and went the extra mile to also build out the Mutt Cutts van. I don't have any information about the family, but I am going to assume they are awesome people that are raising two children that are destined to become the future Kings of Comedy. That, or at least a future Carrot Top and Rob Schneider... but at least they are trying. So what do you have planned for next year? You have a whole year to get ready. Maybe you could recreate Fight Club? Or what about calling some of the neighbors and getting started on the cantina scene from Star Wars? Not just a couple of the characters—no—the whole scene! Might I suggest a Goonies tribute? Don't let me down folks. I have high expectations of you.

What do you think? Do you have big plans? What would you love to see? 

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Tuesday, November 29, 2011

The Odds of Your Kids Existing Are Incomprehensible

Get out a tarp my friend because you are about to have your mind blown... and we all know how pesky those brain stains can be on the carpet. The good folks at have develop an infographic that showcases the odds that a person is born to be the person that they are. I must warn you, there is math and the numbers get pretty big. But I think you have it in you. Hell, according to the findings, you are literally one in a 1 in 10...with 2.5 million zeros after it (I'm not even sure what number that it is).

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Tired of Why? Try this...

Stunt Dad: "Time to get dressed"

Kid: "Why"

Stunt Dad: "It's time to get ready for school"

Kid "Why"

Stunt Dad: "Because school starts in an hour"

Kid: "Why"

Stunt Dad: "Because that's what time the President of the World decided school should start for kids that ask why 100 times in row"

Kid: "Why"

Stunt Dad: "Because the blue panda rainbow riders said so"

Kid: "Why"

Stunt Dad: "Really, blue, panda, rainbow, riders doesn't even peak your interest to break for just a second from asking why?"

Kid: "Why"

Stunt Dad: "Kid, you're no match for the ninja diversion skills of a Stunt Dad. I'm warning you, one more why and I will blow your enquiring little mind"

Kid: "Why"

Stunt Dad: "K, are you ready?"

Kid: "Why"

Stunt Dad: "X"

Kid: "Why"

Stunt Dad: "ZZZZZZZZZ"

Kid: "That's funny daddy".

Stunt Dad: "Get your clothes on, it's time for school.

How do you handle "Why"? Why? Why? Why? Why?

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Monday, November 28, 2011

From Conception to Birth...Holy S%$#

Like most men, I never really thought about where babies come from. As a kid, I assumed that a large stork brought them when they were not performing their full-time job delivering Vlasic Pickles.  As a teenager, I just assumed that you needed some sort of license to order one. It wasn't until my friends started having kids in their twenties that it all clicked. My friend's wife was sitting on the couch and I actually could see the baby kick. I have to say, this was one of the most horrifying things that I had ever seen. I actually said "Oh my god. You have something alive inside you. It's like Aliens." Needless to say, this is not really what a pregnant woman wants to hear in her 8th month, especially from her husband's perpetually drunk friend. Obviously, I eventually grew up and got a better understanding where everything comes from....but I have to say, I never really understoond the whole thing. If you are like me, then be prepared to be blown away. The good folks at TED (the conference, not the airline) and Alexander Tsiaras have developed a 9:34 video that showcases the activity that occurs from conception to birth. All I can say is WOW!!! It is amazing that my little Dumptruck and Puddin' did this. Simply amazing. No seriously. I have no joke here. No witty pun. Nothing. Just awe. Simple unrefined awe. StumbleUpon Pin It Now!

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Munch's Hunches: NFL Week 12

Whether it was a renewed focus or saving up for Christmas present shopping, Munch absolutely crushed in Week 11 by going 3-0. Munch was especially proud of picking the Eagles over the Giants in New York, who most of the world gave up on after learning that Michael Vick was going to be out. Philadelphia were underdogs at getting 5 points from their NFC East rival, but that's exactly why Munch picked them. He later admitted to placing a side bet with Tracy Sims, a fellow Darling Angels day care kiddie, who Munch was already in debt to her for: a Finding Nemo DVD, a copy of Goodnight Moon (1st Edition), and three Vanilla Jell-O Puddings. The crafty 18-month old Munch used a classic "Double or Nothing" by taking the Eagles who went on to win 17-10. Tuesday night was a good night in the Stunt Pete household when I came home to see Munch sitting on the couch reading Goodnight Moon. The kid is almost ready for Vegas.

The Saturday Stuntline is shaping up as...

The Early Game
  • Match-Up: Houston (7-3) and Jacksonville (3-7)
  • Preview: Janitor saves Matt Leinart in shower stall. With a season ending injury to quarterback Matt Schaub, the Houston Texans have tabbed Matt Leinart as their starting QB1. Leinart has not started a game in 3 years and didn't take a single snap last year. Which might help to explain why janitor Earl Duchamp stumbled upon Leinart in the Texans locker room shower early Tuesday morning. "I'm there every morning, 6am sharp. I start at the shower stalls because who knows what coaches and athletes do in there after hours. It can get pretty messy," said Duchamp. "I found Mr. Leinart huddled in the stall's corner with all sorts of basic football gear: socks, shin guards, jock strap. He seemed clueless what do with them and started cussing words that made me blush, and I clean up sh*t for a living! I asked if Mr. Leinart needed help, and he looked up at me with teary eyes and slowly nodded his head. And, that's when I saw it." What Duchamp saw was a 1973 instruction manual titled: How to Put On Shoulder Pads. Duchamp did what anyone of us would do in that situation. He sprung into action, placing the shoulder pads firmly on Leinart's shoulders, and clipping in the two shoulder straps. He finished in just under five seconds, leaving the befuddled quarterback in awe. Texans faithful should remember the name Earl Duchamp, because he not only saved Matt Leinart from certain embarrassment, but maybe—just maybe—the Texans' season all together.
  • Munch's Hunch: Poo-poo is funny, Go Texans!
  • StuntDad Diatribe: Leinart is a loser. C'mon, the guy had Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin and still couldn't amount to a starting quarterback in fantasy football. Even with the return of Andre Johnson, Leinart is a curse to any football team, and will drag them down quicker than Jerry Sandusky on a teenage boy. Blaine Gabbert, the Jaguars' rookie QB, should outperform Leinart, which is pathetic because Gabbert is—in a word—horrible. This game will be ugly, but Jacksonville will pull it out behind an incredible performance by Maurice Jones-Drew and a solid defensive effort in this week's Winning Ugly Bowl. Jaguars spur Texans 17-10.
The Late Game
  • Match-Up: Chicago (7-3) at Oakland (6-4)
  • Preview: Caleb Hanie to miss Modern Warfare Tournament. After winning their 5th straight game, the Chicago Bears have the entire Windy City thinking playoffs. Everyone, except Caleb Hanie. Hanie will be taking over the starting quarterback job from Jay Cutler, who broke his throwing thumb in Sunday's win over San Diego. Hanie addressed the media on Tuesday, admitting to some shocking revelations in the process. "The Call of Duty: Modern Warfare Annual Tournament is Monday morning in New York City. And for us gamers, it's our Super Bowl. I've spent my entire Bears career preparing for this moment," said Hanie. "While everyone else has been studying film or learning the playbook to make themselves better football players, I've been mastering my Killstreak & the streets of major European cities. I'm really ticked off that I have to start, as I had actually planned on using a sick day for Sunday's game in Oakland. I had it pretty thought-through: fly into JFK Sunday night, eat a hearty steak at Bistro Laurent Tourondel, sink into a comfy bed at the Benjamin Hotel, breakfast at The Grey Dog’s Coffee, and the start killing some Afghanis at 9am. But noooooo—now I have to get on a stupid plane, to a stupid city, and play a stupid football game. This ruins everything. My life—is ruined." Coaches and teammates alike were shocked by Hanie's admissions. Coach Lovie Smith responded by saying, "All of the crouching and rolling around on the sidelines, I thought it was some kind of sack avoidance thing he picked up at Colorado State. He's had us all fooled."
  • Munch's Hunch: Video games are fun. Go Bears!
  • StuntDad Diatribe: The Bears 5 game win streak will be coming to an end on Sunday. While Chicago has won 2 phases (defense and special teams) in nearly every game they played this year, their offense had been inconsistent for the first half of the season. Now Cutler goes down and they will be screwed for the first couple of games with Hanie under snap. Oakland has its own issues: McFadden is ruled out and their receiving core is battling injuries. However, Carson Palmer will continue to air it out against a defense that gives up a ton of yards through the air in this week's Black and Blue Bowl. Raiders rob Bears 24-17.
The Night Game
  • Match-Up: New York Giants (6-4) at New Orleans (7-3)
  • Preview: Eli Manning never spending holidays with brother Peyton again. On Thursday night, former New Orleans Saints quarterback Archie Manning, and the father of NFL quarterbacks Peyton and Eli, hosted the 1st, and apparently last, Manning Thanksgiving Dinner. Archie was very excited at the dinner because it was going to the be the first year that both kids would be available during the holidays. "Eli was in town for Sunday's game and Peyton doesn't have much else to do these days," said Archie, referring to Peyton's season-ending injury. "However, when we sat down for dinner and Peyton was handed the mashed potatoes, I knew that it would be a disaster. A total (expletive) disaster." It was reported that Peyton started his wacky audibling before passing the dish to Eli's wife, which really annoyed Eli. "I found it to be very disrespectful, because Abby doesn't like cold mashed potatoes, and his (expletive) antics took nearly 15 minutes," said Eli. "He's sitting there making obscene hand gestures in front of my children, yelling—literally yelling—in my wife's ear about Blue 42, and repeatedly slamming his knee up and down underneath the (expletive) table. He damn near spilled the gravy, which is completely (expletive) unacceptable." Peyton refused to alter this dinner approach which resulted in booing and cuss words from the entire Manning family, even his own children. His oldest summed up his father pretty well, "Sometimes, Dad can be a real ass."
  • Munch's Hunch: Me no likey spilled gravy. Go Saints!
  • StuntDad Diatribe: The Giants are in another 2nd half of the season funk as they look nothing like a team that is a game out of 1st place. They have lost two in a row and were humiliated against a dysfunctional Eagles team last week. On the other hand, the Saints are rested from a bye week, the Superdome will be louder than , and Drew Brees is on an absolute tear. Giants will be sent packing early as New Orleans should have this wrapped up before halftime in this week's Life's a Brees Bowl. Saints march on Giants 33-14.
Now, we turn to Stunt Dad Nation on your thoughts on these and other games from around the league.

Likes, dislikes, hits, & misses?

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Friday, November 25, 2011

Survival Gear: Sleepy Time

Survival Gear is our attempt to arm you with the tools you need to survive your daily dad life. We are always on the lookout for anything that can make the job easier and we are excited to share them with you. Today we are going to look at a couple of items that are geared (see what we did there) towards making the nightly struggle to get the little one to go to bed a little easier (think about that, I would love for somebody to force me to go to bed). Here are a couple of things worth checking out.

Sound Machine
Whether you live in a busy city or in the middle of the woods, you could always use a little bit soothing noise when you go to sleep. Studies have shown that sleeping with a certain amount of white noise helps people achieve better-quality sleep. Remember that your little one was actually inside your wife for 9 months listening to her heartbeat and the whooshing noises of her body. A little extra "white noise" might help calm them will at least mask the noise of the tv from the other room.  I have found that this one works well:
Ecotones Sound + Sleep Machine, Model ASM1002

If you are like me, I like to make sure everything is going ok when the little one is alone in the other room. I am actually that dad that put the mirror up to my first kid's mouth while he was sleeping to check that everything was ok. Of course, I ended up waking him and spent the next three hours trying to get him back down. There are hundreds of cool monitors that can help you and your inner obsessive personality survive the night. Trust me, it beats the mirror. Check this one out: 

You are going to need a good lamp. It is a nice way to segway from the room light to total darkness. It sends the message, "Hey we are heading toward sleep time...get on board". It also creates a routine that allows your little one to participate in the process. I highly recommend that you get a "kid-friendly" lamp— one that your child will actually want to turn on, and one that is easy for their little hands to use. Here are a couple of my favorites:
Darth Vader Lamp


Once the lights go out, the kids are on their own...just kidding. I actually transition from the lamp to the flashlight. We will lay in bed and tell stories with shadow puppets for about 10 minutes. My little guy loves to tell the same story over and over... and over, but at least it keeps him contained. He also loves having the control of the flashlight. After 10 minutes is up, he ends our story with the flashlight somehow going out as part of the story (the dragon ate the sun, the moon went down, the boy closed his will come up with your own). I think this helps to subconsciously let him think that he is the one deciding to go to sleep. If you haven't seen them, there are a lot of really cool flashlights out there for kids now. Here is my favorite:
LEGO Hand Crank Dynamo Flash Light Torch Giant Lego Man

Did you really think that they were going to actually go down. Silly you. No, there are at least three more requests for random things ranging from checking out those monster noises in the closet to a final drink of water. I can't help with the monster noises (although you could "discover" an invisible monster in the closet and wrestle him for a couple of minutes and finally throw him out the window...but you might also scare your little one for life), but the water thing can be taken care of pretty easily. I saw this LiteCup online yesterday and thought that this might be a great solution for both the monster noises (nightlight) and the water requests. This looks really great. 


What goes in, is going to come out. What were you thinking giving them all that water before they went to sleep? Oh that's right, you would have given them anything to get them to finally go down. Well, now that they have a bladder full of H2O hush money, then you are destined to be washing some sheets in the morning. The important thing is to make sure that the eventual flood avoids the mattress.  Sheets can be washed, mattresses cannot. To avoid your house smelling like an old-folks' home, I would highly recommend investing in a couple of mattress pads. The good thing is that this is really a long term investment because you are probably going to need them in a few years anyway. Here are the ones that we use:
Invacare Extra Reusable Bedpads

Did I miss anything? Do you have a sleep time survival gear recommendation? Let us know. Good luck. 

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Thursday, November 24, 2011

Stunt Dad Thanks You

It's been a few months now since we have been posting our thoughts, tips, tricks, failures, stories, advice, il' advice, jokes and bad jokes on fatherhood to the interwebs. It's been a cathartic experience for us to have the opportunity to think a little bit about being a dad and putting words in story form rather than grunts and groans to our feelings. It is helping us be better dads. Which is a complete 180 from our original intention of helping other dads be better dads through our experiences.

Everyday we are thankful that Stunt Dad has become a part of our lives just as we are thankful for the little ones that make us dads everyday. And today we want to thank you for your support. We want to thank our wives for letting us spend a little time each week to write or make Stunt Dad better. We want to thank our little ones for the inspiration they provide us every day. We want to thank one another for the dedication to growing Stunt Dad by growing the people involved. But most of all, today we want to thank the people that engage with Stunt Dad. It's like Mike and MaryAnn the Steam shovel. The more people that watch, the faster and better they dug. Well the more people that read, comment, Facebook Like, Google Plus One, Re-Tweet, Follow or give us a nod in the hall, or a text message saying they laughed, the harder we work to make Stunt Dad better. And while we know there is a lot of room for improvement, we are pretty Chimichangin' proud of where you have lifted us to today. Thank you and have a wonderful holiday.

P.S. Some other items we are thankful for. They all end in an exclamation point!
  1. We have almost reached 5,000 page views since launch, rock on!
  2. For the 7 people in the Netherlands that read Stunt Dad!
  3. For all the Facebook love! Will we break 100 likes?!!
  4. For the 4 people that Google sent to after searching "tatoo Barbie 2011"!
  5. For the dude in Pheonix Arizona that read Stunt Dad on his PlayStation3!
- Stunt Dad 
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Giving Thanks at Stunt Dad HQ

It is that time of the year again. Time to gorge yourself on turkey, devour a pumpkin pie, and—though sometimes forgotten—give thinks. Here at Stunt Dad, we wanted to share with you the top 5 things we are each thankful for this year. 
#5 Push-Up Bras: Men don't stop being men after becoming a daddy. They still have the hots for mommy. But just as daddyhood builds out the "tool shed" (the roof over the tool) and removes hair in clumps; midnight feedings and gravity take their toll on mommies lovely figure too. And while daddy's remedy is hitting the gym and massaging in the Rogaine, mommy can visit Victoria's Secret and look like the million bucks she did that drunken night in Manhattan that led to becoming a daddy :-)

#4 Business Travel: Business travel sucks. You eat like Chimichonga (chimichonga = swear word of your choosing), Amway newbies stalk the airport terminals wanting to tell you how great their business opportunity is, and from luggage to sanity it is guaranteed you will lose something. But the highlight of business travel is the sleep. It's the only time you will close your eyes and not wake up again until the alarm blows.

#3 Beer: Men have had sorrows to drown for thousands of years and beer has been there for them. Just because it has been a part of father's lives for 6,000 years it should NOT be taken for granted. Respect the beer and give thanks.

#2 Mommy: I don't need to remind you why you should be thankful for mommy. You chose her as your partner in crime to mess those kids up together...that's teamwork! So be thankful, and maybe she'll break out the push-up bra.

#1 Being a Dad: Nothing BK (Before Kids, Glossary To Come) is as rewarding as spending every bit of your time, money, worry, and love for the little person you helped bring into the world. It is the best thing that has happened or will ever happen to a man.

#5 TV: I love TV. Since I was a kid, the tv has been my main source for education, life lessons, and comedy 101. I would not be the man I am today without the help of Benny Hill, Jackie Gleason, Saturday Night Live, The Twilight Zone, The Wonder Years, and South Park. I probably watch about 20 hours of tv a week as I am multitasking other things. I know a lot of it is junk and I am trying to avoid I will miss you immoral young ladies of The Real World, but there is some really amazing stuff out there today...and I love every minute of it.

#4 Perspective: I have really struggled over the past 10 years with my anger. I think most if it has to do with not having what I want, not being exactly where I think I should be, or just a general negative focus on me...and really missing the big picture. Thanks to my wife and my kids, I really have gained a perspective that I don't think single men could ever understand. Maybe I am not the VP of a marketing company...yet, but I am the CEO of an amazing family (o.k., my wife is really the CEO, but she lets me make the big speeches because of my amazing PowerPoint skills).

#3 Friends...Stunt Friends: We have been doing this blog for a couple of months now and the time I have spent with Stunt Pete, Stunt Ben, and Uncle Terry have been some of the best times I have ever had.  As you get older, it is harder to make friends, and even harder to make "dad" friends. I have been lucky to get both in one shot. If you don't have a group of guys you can hang out with, you need to get them. But take my advice—don't put an ad on Craig's List that states "Looking for Dudes To Have a Good Time With"....that will not end well.

#2 Having the Hot Wife on the Playground: I know that this is going to come across as bragging, but it is is a fact. Every time we go out to the park to play with the kids, my wife is the hottest around. Sure there are those moms that want to show off their playground cleavage as they give their kid an underdog or display their lace leopard thong while on the teeter totter, but my wife rises way above them. She is the embodiment of a MILF (Mother I'll Love Forever).

#1 Now that Stunt Ben has set the bar, I guess I am the a-hole if I don't put Being a Dad as #1: I was going to say something witty like "twenty-year-old women that don't understand that H&M's clothes are made from fabric that is really thin" or "that it is difficult for people to know your real identity on Facebook (I will still love you Big Scott even when you find out that I am not a 32 year old waitress from Cleveland that secretly dreams of opening a store that just sells Bedazzled jean will always be in my heart.)"...but no, Stunt Ben set the bar and I guess I will stick with it...being a dad.

#5 Liquids: Yes, it is true. The makers of beer, wine, liquor and other fine spirits were all fathers, and as a father, it would practically be sacrilege to avoid them. And this holiday season, when we celebrate Thanksgiving with family, we'll also be celebrating with friends. Our close buddies in Jim, Jack, and Joe. Their darker, brother from another mother in 2-Buck Chuck and their distant cousins in Samuel and Stella. These friends make the whining more tolerable, the crying more forgettable, and the diaper explosions more understandable.

#4 Liberty: I don't really know anyone in the military per se, but I feel like I owe all them my thanks for letting my enjoy the little freedoms that I take for granted on a daily basis. This past weekend is a great example. How many countries give their citizens the freedom to cover Kohl's, Best Buy, Children's Place, and the Gap in the same strip mall—amazing, right? Or, how many countries close off one of the busiest streets (Michigan Ave in Chicago) on a Saturday night for three hours so Mickey Mouse can lead a parade of gigantic balloons, Rudolph, Woody Woodpecker, and the Nutcracker, to name a few—do you think Libya feels safe enough to hold parades on their streets or even let their citizens leave their houses? And finally, on Sunday, I introduced Munch to the greatest television feature known to man: DirectTV's RedZone package. We saw 28 touchdowns, 6 goal-line stands, 3 interceptions, and a forced fumble inside the 5 yard line. Beat that Iraq! So, to all of those serve and keep our borders safe, thank you and keep doing what you do, wherever you do it, and how you do it.

#3 Laughter: After the mushy stuff is said and done, there is nothing I value, need, or crave more than laughter. Laugher comes in all shapes, sizes, and forms; from family, from friends, from co-workers and recently—from group texting. And, specifically with the "4 Horseman." I have 3 buddies that I've known longer than most people in life. They're great dudes, they're fathers, and they're funnier than hell. None of us are phone chatters (we'll leave that mode of communication to the lady folk), but we are definitely texters. And with the group text feature on our iPhones, it makes for comic relief at any given point of the day. No phone calls or emails can capture the quick-witted lines from these guys such as, "Avoid the triple black diamonds (to 2 of the guys who are skiing in Colorado this week). Those are harder than Jerry Sandusky at a boy scout meeting" or "(in regards to the news that K2 has just arrived) We can keep our daughters pure by having them form a band. Their first single can be a remake of: 'Our Lips Are Sealed.'' After Munch resisting bed time and shrieking louder than his newborn sister's crying, these texts keep me sane and punchy. And, who doesn't like to feel a little punchy?

#2 Life: With the recent birth of K2, the miracle of life will never cease to amaze me. Amidst all of the crap in the world and the potential for crap to happen, my wife delivered two, healthy bouncing babies without any complications to them—or her. Munch, a year and a half ago, and now K2. No missing ears, both have all of their toes, and neither have birthmarks that would make Drew Brees' mole envious. Some may say it's luck, some may say it's destiny, or some may say it just means sh*t will hit the fan 10 years from now. Regardless of what they say, I've never been happier in my life. There's no miracle like the miracle of a little person conducting his own "little Indy 500" by running laps around our condo like a chicken with his head cut off and an even littler person stalking his every move, patiently waiting for the age when she is big enough to either follow him or clobber him upside the head.

#1 Love: Wifey was the first girl I ever said "I Love You" to, and actually meant it. (Sorry mom, I'm not talking about that kind of love). Wifey is beautiful, and moreso than just her looks, which to say, are very easy on the eyes. I hear it in how she mothers our children: the gentleness of singing our newborn daughter (K2) to sleep her arms while then explaining to our 18 month old son (Munch) that the humidifier is not a rocking horse. I see it in how she interacts with people: the genuine interest she shows when talking to friends about life's little surprises (good & bad) and the humorous stories she tells when talking to family about the latest person, place, or thing that Munch referred to as "poo-poo." And, I feel it in our friendship: the support she shows for me spending six hours every Tuesday night with my StuntDad crew and the excitement she has for me to have a boys weekend in Colorado just 30 days after our daughter was born. (I, err, she can barely contain herself).

#1 The Ability to Hand Kids Back to Their Parents When They Start Crying: No explanation required.  

What about you? What are you thankful this year? Let us know in the comments.
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Wednesday, November 23, 2011

100 Days For My Baby Girl: Week 2

Week 2
The second week of parenthood can be a nice change of pace from the hectic, almost frantic, first seven days. We know the first week feels like a few hours, or minutes, or maybe even seconds—like a blurred combination of trying to do the right thing at the right time at the right place. But, after a few days, things start to slow down, and by day 8, you have a chance to shave your mini-beard, to catch up on Facebook, and to watch last week’s Survivor episode. The second week also allows for bonding time with your family and to enjoy one-on-one time with the new bundle of joy. This time it will be a little different than the first time around as I’m trying to figure out how to balance attention between my 18-month old son (Munch) and baby girl (K2). So, Week 2 is going to be all about connection—and here are two things I'm planning on doing:

#1: Take Professional Baby Pictures
I’ve taken a million pictures in my life, but I would hardly consider myself a photographer. Sure, I will snap the occasional gem, but every other picture seems to capture a closed pair of eyes, someone flipping the bird, or an involuntary muscle twitch of the upper or lower lip. But with a newborn, this should be easy, right? Feed her, burp her, lay her on the bed, and click the camera like a maniac, and I’m bound to get three pictures out of the lot that are halfway decent. And with Munch, that’s exactly what I did. However, the lighting made it look like we lived in a dungeon, the shadows made it look like he had one eye, and the angles seemed to always cut off a foot or hand. Plus, we never got a family shot as it was either just Munch, or Munch and Wifey, or Munch with Daddy. I tried photoshopping myself into a Munch and Wifey photo and failed miserably. I looked like a creepy stalker who forced his way into a family (definitely not the photo I wanted to showcase on my desk when I returned to work). Which is why we will be hiring a professional to take photographs of K2—and of our family. I want to show my little girl off and I don’t want her pillow soaked in drool or for people to ask why she is missing her left ear. I want to remember my son’s confused face when we told him to kiss his sister, how Wifey radiated while she held K2 in her arms, and how my smile was never going to be bigger than during those very moments.

#2: Establish skin-to-skin contact
Dads are a few steps back in the connection department before baby even arrives. From conception, everything about Mom is constantly changing for 9 months: her lifestyle, her diet, and her body. Meanwhile, Dad continues to watch SportsCenter, eat Cool Ranch Doritos, and drink Miller Lite until his heart’s content. During pregnancy, the only real connection I remember having is feeling the baby kick, jab, or elbow Mommy’s belly—which I assume pales in comparison to actually feeling those actions inside of you. And for those Mommies who breastfeed, the bonding continues. With Munch, my bonding came when we watched our first baseball game together. I’m not waiting this time. That second week, when Wifey and I are laying around the house, K2 is going to be stripped to a diaper with her naked tummy laying on my bare chest. Her skin against my skin, her heartbeat against my heartbeat, her breaths against my breaths. Granted, I will probably be watching SportsCenter, eating Cool Ranch Doritos, and drinking a Miller Lite as she’s laying there, but that’s besides the point. Mommy gets the feeding relationship, but Daddy gets the relaxation relationship. It will be my distinct pleasure to introduce my little girl, first-hand, to the art form of “chilling.”

Bonding is something we all know is important, but are we (as in adults) always ready for it from the get-go? Newborns know nothing else. They desire it. They crave it. They need it. But for fathers, connecting with their newborns can be a process, if you let it. With Munch, I waited for that connection to happen. It came naturally, but in hindsight, it could have come much sooner. So with K2, I’m not waiting. And I’ll be damned if I let a day go by without bonding with my little girl.

Are you doing anything for your baby girl that I can copy???? =)

Check out the previous week below:

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Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Tub Time=Road to the NBA

Getting kids to take baths comes with its own unique set of challenges. Encouraging him or her to remain seated, diverting attention away from the faucet handle, and minimizing the splashing.

To keep the little one focused, I highly recommend: Little Tikes Bathketball.

For only $10, you get a suction hoop, 3 squirting basketballs and 30 minutes of blissful distraction. This gift has made Munch go full-on berzerker-style-excited when its bath time.

I say the words “tub time” and the kid beelines for the bathroom, no matter where he is or what he’s doing. To determine if this was a passion or a phase, I tested it out in 3 random locations, with varying degrees of familiarity, while he was otherwise preoccupied.
  • Grandma's House. Familiarity: High. Munch is throwing acorns into the pond. I say "tub time" and he races over to her back door, pointing inside and chanting, "Ball, ball, ball."
  • Brother's House. Familiarity: Medium. Munch is playing with his cousins in the basement. I say "tub time" and he climbs the first set of stairs to the main level, another set of stairs to their 2nd level, waddles over to their guest bathroom, and starts pounding on the bath tub, chanting, "Ball, ball, ball."
  • Aquatic Center . Familiarity: Low. Munch is eating grapes. I say "tub time" and two grapes fall out of his mouth, he charges into the men's locker room, and starts slaping the shower curtain (empty shower stall, thank god) and chanting, "Ball, ball, ball."
Verdict: Passion!

And who knows, maybe this drives him to become the next token 6' sharp shooting white dude in the NBA? Steve Kerr? John Paxson? Bobby Hansen? All of these guys fit the description AND have NBA Championship Rings - GIDDY, GIDDY.

Anyone else have tub toys that are Stuntastic?

- Not a parenting blog, not a daddy blog, not a mommy blog — it's a Stunt Dad blog.
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The Don't Die Daddy Initiative: Week 2

One week down and the good news is that I am still alive. I have been telling everybody about my initiative and you wouldn't believe the amount of support I am getting....barely any...more like eye rolls. I can understand, this is not the first time I have cried wolf...but dammit, I really feel like this time it is going to be different. First of all, I am telling a national audience about it, so I have less of a chance of letting myself off the hook. Secondly, I have a feeling if I don't do something about the wolf this time, my house is definitely going to get blown down soon. And thirdly—and maybe the most important reason it is going to work this time—I am calling in the professionals. That's right, I am going to actually interact with a Dr. that does not have Dre, Ruth, or Pepper in their name....wish me luck.

If you can't measure it, you can't manage it. This means that it is time to set the baselines and see what the damage is. If you are like me, then you believe that if you don't pay attention to something, then it will just go away. The bad news is that it doesn't really work out all that well in the end. I decided that it was time to go to the doctor for the first time in 3 years. There are several reasons that I have not gone to the doctor in a while. The first is that I believe that I am immortal. The second is that it is really uncomfortable to get "felt up" without having somebody buy me dinner. And finally, they always tell me the same thing, "You need to lose a little weight. Make sure you are getting some exercise. And eat your fruits and vegetable". While this is painfully obvious, I don't know why I always ignored it. I guess I was expecting something bigger for my buck. I mean if I am going to go to a doctor, at least let me know that I have a very high level of midichlorian levels (nerd joke—ask your IT guy at work if you don't get it).

I asked around and got the recommendations of a new doctor. My goal was to go in guns a' blazing and lay it all out on the table. "Hi. I am Chad. I am broken. Please fix me so that I live forever." What I actually said was "Hi. I am Chad. I am getting older. I want to start taking better care of myself. Let's check everything and start working on building a plan to improve the things that need work." The doctor was actually really appreciative of my openness. Rather than facing this like a test that I was trying to pass, I was honest about my concerns, direct about areas that I thought needed focus, and open with my family history and my long term goals. He gave me a full exam, ran all the appropriate blood work, and even went as far as giving me an EKG test (it was hell on my chest hair). In the end, everything looked good...except my weight. I weighed in at 219. I am 5' 9". and 219 puts me in the obese category on the chart. I am supposed to be around 170 to be healthy. That is 50 pounds. My kids together way about 50 pounds. So he is telling me that I need to lose a Dumptruck and a Puddin' I have not been 170 since high school. I have always been "husky" or "square", but I never thought I was obese. But rather than wallow in my fat tears, I did something I have never done before. I asked him what the plan was to get it down. He told me the standard "exercise, fruits, vegtables" line, but he also offered to schedule time with a nutritionist. Normally, I would be defensive and say "No. I got this. I am a man. I can do everything on my own," but I agreed to it instead. I am going to see her next week, so I will keep you informed. But for now, I am starting at 218 and am going to exercise, eat some fruit, and maybe a vegetable or two.

As I mentioned in my last post, I have been seeing psychiatrist for a couple of months now.  The decision to go to a therapist was not an easy one. I was raised in a small rural town where the only people that went to therapists were people that had to go because of a court order or because they were "crazy". For years, I had often thought about going to talk to somebody about how I felt. I was angry. I was depressed. I was generally unhappy. But dammit, I come from a blue collar background and "we don't cotton your fancy therapy...I will keep my feelings to myself and just drink away any issues that come up."This however was not working. The final straw that put me over the edge was that I started to see how this was impacting my relationship with my wife and kids. I was constantly yelling. I was constantly on the brink of a pouting fit. I was constantly napping. And I was constantly annoyed by everybody. I was the complete opposite of the man I wanted to be. It was time to talk to somebody.
If you have never done this before, I highly recommend it. It is a great way to truly get to the bottom of what is going on in your life and start working toward things that will get you on a path to happiness. I won't get into the greater details on my first session, but it was an amazing experience to talk to somebody and not worry about impressing them—or having the ability to say exactly what you think without worrying about the ramifications. My first session was two hours long and it was the best 120 minutes I had in a long time. After some initial consultation, my psychiatrist and I agreed on a plan and have been working through it for the past couple of months. I immediately started feeling better. The days didn't seem so daunting and I started to really act like the man I wanted to be in my head. This site is actually one of the results of my sessions. Every day is getting better and I walk a little taller now (even though Im actually still only 5' 9").

Now that I have addressed the gut and the strut, I have to start thinking about the What. What does all of this mean? What am I doing on this planet? What am living for? I have started to explore ways to better understand this. I recently started reading a number of "self-help" books and discussing this questions with a number of my family and friends. I don't have any major "ah-ha's" yet, but come on, I am two for three on the Gut, Strut, What plan this week. Cut me some slack.

One week down and it looks like I have a long road ahead of me. The weight thing actually excites me. I like a good challenge and I think I am finally mentally ready to take it on. What about you? Have you started your own Daddy Don't Die Initiative? Are you thinking about your Gut, Strut, and What? If so, let me know. I could use the support on my journey. StumbleUpon Pin It Now!

Monday, November 21, 2011

The Evolution of My Worries

I recently realized that the things I spend my days and sleepless nights worrying about are much different than they used to be. Then I traced my life backward wondering just what I had to worry about before fatherhood. And while the things I worried about in the past varied with age, there was a huge paradigm shift in my worries after becoming a father.
  • When I was born I only worried about mommy. Where's mommy?
  • When I was five I worried about having to share my toys. 
  • When I was ten I worried about friends and being liked.
  • When I was fifteen I worried about girls.
  • When I was twenty I worried about girls, and I guess my grades in college a little.
  • When I was twenty-five I worried about which bars had good cheap drinks, free food that wasn't frozen pizza, and hot, smart, fun, down-to-earth girls. (Note: Never found this bar. If you have, please post on the internet.)
  • When I was thirty I worried a little about my career, my future, bars, and my girlfriend.
  • When I became a father I stopped worrying about me and started to worry about everyone and everything else.
What do you worry about?
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Saturday, November 19, 2011

T-Shirt + Sports Logo=Perfect Gift

With the announcement of K2 coming in November, friends and family were quick to provide us with “big brother” clothes for Munch.

One of the best came in the form of a silk screened T-Shirt reading: Blackhawks logo + BIG BRO 1 via


Winter Classic. January 1, 2009. First-ever hockey game at Wrigley Field. An "Original 8" match-up between my beloved Chicago Blackhawks vs. the hated Detroit Red Wings. And, it was our first date (Wifey + Me).

I stole, err, adopted this idea for a few friends. You can go as straight-laced or as wacky as you want to get. Some of my personal creations are below:
  • Mahoning Valley Scrappers mascot on front and RyGuy #1 on back (The Scrappers are my friend's fantasy baseball team and Ryan is his son's name)
  • Face of Keyser Soze on front and Big Earl #3 on back (The Usual Suspects was the movie my co-worker and his wife were watching when she went into labor and Earl was their 3rd child)
  • Panda Express logo on front and TBD #99 on back (My distant cousin spent a year backpacking China, and no one will ever know how many kids he left behind)
For a "cost-effective" alternative, check out our previous Stunt Dad posting Onesies That are The Twosies.

Has anyone else gave or received other fun "custom" made t-shirts?

- Not a parenting blog, not a daddy blog, not a mommy blog — it's a Stunt Dad blog.
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Munch's Hunches: NFL Week 11

Perhaps distracted by the arrival of his new sister, Munch finished a disappointing 1-2 in Week 10. This led to the a father-son talk on how best to handle distractions, specially with his love for gambling. I identified some critical do's and dont's that the little guy can take with him for life. The most important thing Munch should remember is to bet with the head, not the heart. I know he thinks that Indians are the coolest thing ever, but they happen to be two of the worst teams in football (KC and Washington). And, the one thing I told Munch never to do—is bet his sister. His eyes widened when he saw her for the first time, and I know, that somewhere in that head of his, he was thinking—is she worth 5 G.I. Joes or 10?

The Saturday Stuntline is shaping up as...

The Early Game
  • Match-Up: Cincinnati (6-3) at Baltimore (6-3)
  • Preview: Andy Dalton experiences mistaken identity. With the NFL obsession over the likes of Tim Tebow and Cam Newton, rookie Bengal quarterback, Andy Dalton, is feeling ignored more than ever. "I got into Baltimore on Wednesday for some early sightseeing and walked into a bar. Everyone pointed at me and immediately asked for my autograph. When I started signing, people kept asking me who Andy Dalton was, " said, Andy Dalton. "The bartender pulled me aside, apologized, and then told me that 'any red-haired, white guy who walks into the bar gets mistaken for Richie Cunningham.' I told the bartender that I didn't know who Richie Cunningham is, but to add that name to the list of quarterbacks that I hate." Dalton has nearly 20,000 followers on his "NFL Quarterbacks I'd Beat the Crap Out Of" Twitter feed. Each week Dalton nominates one quarterback and details how he literally would mess them up in a dark alley. For fun, we polled the 20,000 followers and asked them who they thought Andy Dalton was. We even showed them a picture of Andy in his Bengal jersey. Still, nearly 95% responded with, "Mike McQueary."
  • Munch's Hunch: I don't like Gingers. Go Ravens!
  • StuntDad Diatribe: Andy Dalton and the Bengals are on a mission. I have no idea who Andy Dalton is, but his name always appears whenever I search the Cincinnati Bengals, so maybe he's a coach or something. At any rate, Marvin Lewis has done well against his former team, winning 9 out of the past 13, and will take advantage of a Ray-Lewis-Less Raven defense by throwing, throwing and throwing. This will be the win that puts the Bengals on the map this year by shocking the Ravens in this week's Who's Andy Dalton Bowl. Bengals claw Ravens 21-20.
The Late Game
  • Match-Up: Tennessee (5-4) at Atlanta (5-4)
  • Preview: Roddy White's grandmother a no-show for weekly Bingo Night. Two weeks after rookie Falcon wide receiver Julio Jones torched the Indianapolis Colts for 131 yards and 2 touchdowns, Dolores White, the grandmother of Falcon wideout Roddy White, is still avoiding the Tuesday Bingo Night at the local rotary club. "She came in here two weeks, hootin' and hollerin' about that damn son of hers, catching balls, scoring touchdowns, " says fellow Bingo player Marla Johnson. "Rick Petersen finally stood up and told her that it was Julio Jones who was catching those touchdowns and not Roddy. Well, of course, sh*t hit the fan and she became hysterical, until ol' Rick showed her the front page of the newspaper." Rick noted the similarities between the two players: tall, wide receiver, dreadlocks, but Dolores remained unconvinced. When Rick also pointed out that the name on the back of the jersey read Jones, and not White, Dolores snapped before storming out of the building, "They probably switched jerseys at halftime, you damn fool." Ah yes, the old jersey switcheroo—a Mike Smith classic. Dolores has not been seen or heard from since.
  • Munch's Hunch: Switcheroo is a fun word to say. Go Falcons!
  • StuntDad Diatribe: I think we are going to witness a CJ2K coming out party. He finally cracked the +100 yard mark last week, the first time in a long time, and I wouldn't be surprised if he neared 200 yards rushing with a couple of touchdowns. Atlanta is a complete mess after losing last week to the Saints in overtime and Matt Ryan is not the quarterback he was a year ago. AFC beats NFC in this week's Confederate Bowl. Titans spear Falcons 30-28.
The Night Game
  • Match-Up: Philadelphia (3-6) at New York Giants (6-3)
  • Preview: Vince Young asked coach to "Tebow" the game plan. When Michael Vick announced that he could barely walk on Wednesday, it was assumed that Vince Young would be taking over as QB1 against the New York Giants on Sunday night. When Young was made aware of this, he apparently had a sit down with coach Andy Reid to discuss how they can tweak the game plan to better suit his skills, like Denver did with Tim Tebow. Young is best known for scoring a 6 on his Wonderlic test—one of the questions read, "In your own words, describe what a quarterback means to you" and Vince's answer was "a refund." Due to the challenges Vince has with intelligence, he reportedly asked Coach Reid to "dumb down" the playbook, specifically asking that all plays that involve him be limited to hiking the ball and letting him read the defense. Reid reportedly drew several x's and o's on a blackboard to get a sense of Vince's reads on defenses and the quarterback looked at Reid and said, "I love you too, Coach."
  • Munch's Hunch: I'm all about the love, Go Eagles!
  • StuntDad Diatribe: No Michael Vick, no chance for the Eagles. To go 3-6 with one of those most talented teams in the league is an embarrassment. Their star receiver was benched for missing a team meeting. They lost to Arizona—at home. Can you say rock bottom? Meanwhile, Eli has his Giants winning 3 out the past 4, including a game last week against SF that they should have won. The Giants defense will bull rush Vince Young and send him scrabbling for Prozac in this week's Beasts of the East Bowl. Giants medicate Eagles 28-10.
Now, we turn to StuntDad Nation on your thoughts on these and other games from around the league.

Likes, dislikes, hits, & misses?

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Friday, November 18, 2011

Chaperone Duty

It's field trip season, which means a whole new level of chaos in the home. You got permission slips slipping to the back of the drawer. Field Trip fees that go until the last minute to be paid and then in the confusion are paid twice, once by daddy in the morning when he drops off and once by mommy in the afternoon when she picks up. You have to pack extra clothes to forget in the backseat of the car, and an extra hat to leave on the school bus. You also must load your kid up with extra snacks to be kept in your kids jacket pocket until spring. And finally there is CHAPERONE DUTY. I don't know why I just shouted, I think it's a nervous tick.

I recently saw the sign up form with an empty line calling my name. "Sign here or you are a crappy parent". Actually, I was really wanting to go and see what the teachers and kids were like that are now shaping my little guys personality and memories, so I decided to kill some of the vacation time I should have used earlier this year and I signed my name. Plus, I totally succumb to guilt trips and don't want to be a crappy parent.

Chaperone duty is like the first day of high school. No matter what you do, you look out of place. The chairs are designed for kids to sit and adults to fall. The coat racks are installed at the height daddy will hit his head, and the cups are so small, daddy forgets its a cup of water and shoots it like a shot a tequila, slamming it down on the miniature table.

Despite the feelings of awkwardness it's a joy being a part of their little world for a day and getting to meet their friends and taking part of their routines and rules.

As a chaperone I was put in charge my kid (no more risk than usual) plus one (uh oh). This is the hardest part of being a chaperone. I was terrified that I was going to break my plus one. The way I roll with my kid probably isn't what other parents do. He's my buddy, I know when he's hungry, I know when he has to pee, I know when he's about to melt down, I know when he's tired and I can tell when he is hot or cold. But my plus one was as foreign as the allure of "Under the Tuscan Sun" to a 30 year woman. My paranoia got the better of me and I interrogated my plus one the entire trip. Are you hungry? Are you allergic to anything? Peanuts? Eggs? Cats? Pleather? Are you cold? Do you have to go potty? Are you tired? At one point my son and plus one looked at me as if I had three heads. They shook their respective singular heads side to side turned around and went to play. I'm pretty sure plus one said, "your daddy is a nut job"to my son as they ran to the slide.

As nerve racking as it was, I survived my first field trip in 25 years and I bring back knowledge so that other Stunt Dad's will prevail.
  1. Bring a whole bunch of extra shit in a backpack. Clothes, blankets, snacks, Swiss Army knife, crayons, coloring books, napkins and WIPES. That shout wasn't my tick, it's for emphasis. I don't think you will actually use anything but the wipes, but the backpack can be used as seat cushion while riding on the incredibly uncomfortable school bus. Yes, in 30 years they still can't make a school bus seat that doesn't cut off circulation at the tailbone. However the buses do have speakers embedded in the ceiling, so you'll have that going for you.
  2. Don't Give Your Kid More Attention. Your job is to help everyone assigned to you and keep everyone safe, happy and relatively clean. So don't laugh louder at your kids joke, or do just what they want to do. Treat all the children as equals and then spoil your little one when you get home.
  3. Listen to The Teacher. Yeah, you may be all grownsed up, but the teachers are in charge. So put your listening ears on and mind their instructions. It's strange, but common adult sense doesn't go very far in a classroom of kids. They have clever ways of getting kids to listen, obey, be safe and have a good time. So listen to the teacher. Now touch your nose so I know you heard my words.
  4. Don't Do Heroin in the Bathroom. It seems obvious to you and me, but this Wisconsin parent thought otherwise.
  5. Be Aware of Food Allergies. Food allergies are on the rise in the US. In a ten year span the number of children under the age of 18 with food allergies grew by 18% to 3 million. Find out if your plus 1 is allergic to anything like eggs or peanuts.
  6. Don't Be a Social Butterfly. Chaperone time is not time for the parents to chat about last nights game. Your job is to keep kids safe and smiling. Chit chat is fine, but keep your attention to the kids. After all, they are the future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside. Huh? Sounds strangely familiar...
  7. Make Potty Breaks. Field trips are so fun they make me want to pee my pants. So just think how those little ones feel? They are totally distracted, out of their element, have a strange parent asking them if they are allergic to stuff, and there are a million new things to see, touch and lick. Potty time is the last thing on their mind until it's too late. So unless you want to have a pee drenched kid sitting on your lap for the bus ride home, make it point to offer frequent potty breaks.
Follow these tips, be cool and you are bound to have fun.

Any other Stunt Dads have a story or chaperone tips to share?

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Thursday, November 17, 2011

Product Review: Dumb Products

Like most folks, I enjoy a reveal at the end of a movie. Tyler Dureden was who? Bruce Willis was what? Keiser Soze was him all along?? Well, I hate to disappoint you here, but I am going to take the mystery out of the review before we start..the following products are all dumb and are definitely not recommended by Stunt Dad. Look away if you are squeamish, this is going to get a little messy.

Parking Pal Magnet

Let me first start off by saying that I am all for anything that can make a child safe and potential avoid any horrible accidents... but this is just a blatent attempt to use the fear that something could happen to your children as a marketing tool. Parking Pal Magnets are circular magnets that you attach to your car in a parking lot, to ensure that your kids are staying by the car and not wandering off into traffic. If you go the website, you will see fun pictures of smiling kids with their hands "high-fiving" their cars, an offer to take the stress out of your hands and put it theirs...oh, and links to news stories about children killed in parking lots. (I hope that they have the families' permission to use the video clips of the news reports about the death of a child and if not, then they are vultures.) The site does not contain any information about the Parking Pal Magnet creator, so I hope that the decision to create the product was not due to a situation in their life, but if it was, I would think that they would create a product that could be cheaply made and distributed to as many families as possible... Not an $8 magnet (plus shipping). We at Stunt Dad understand that there people that like the idea of using something to train their kids not to wander, so here are five free (or almost free) alternatives to Parking Pal Magnet:

  • The local pizza place magnet
  • A bumper sticker 
  • A headlight 
  • A sticker 
  • Your own hand print in the dust on the car
  • A chip clip with a piece of paper that the child draws their own hand
  • Or if you are feeling creative and want to have a craft with the kids, you can create your own at Vista Prints. This might be helpful if you need a teachable moment of what you are creating and why it is important to stay by the car. 

Bottle Buddy
Do you have a baby? Is your baby on formula? Do you have a hard time counting to five?  Do you have an extra $90 laying around? Good news, I have something for you....Bottle Buddy. According to the manufacturer,
Bottle Buddy is a unique electronic formula dispensing product that accurately counts a pre-set amount of powdered infant and follow on formula into a baby's bottle. Using Bottle Buddy to make up a feeding is convenient, quick and easy to use and, most importantly, it saves time and ensures that every bottle contains the right amount of formula every time. It’s a common, yet annoying, mistake to make: you're preparing a bottle for your baby and counting the amount of powder into the bottle when someone or something interrupts you. Before you know it, you’re wondering: “was that five or six scoops?” and have to start over again. Bottle Buddy eliminates the risk of contamination, human error and spillage by delivering an adjustable, preset, consistent quantity of powder at a touch of a button. Bottle Buddy is ideal for new parents or caretakers who may be nervous about formula quantities. Bottle Buddy is set to revolutionize the way parents make up their babies' bottles forever. Benefits Breast milk is generally thought to be best for babies but there are a number of good reasons why many mothers choose to bottle feed from birth or only breast feed for a short while. Some parents supplement breast milk with powdered infant or follow-on formula - especially as the baby gets older. Whatever they choose, all parents want to see their baby thrive and grow at a healthy rate. On average, parents put over 10,000 scoops of infant or follow-on formula into bottles in the first year of a baby’s life. It is not only very time consuming but also very easy to miscount the amount of formula used, especially when holding a crying, hungry baby and trying to make up a bottle at the same time. Using Bottle Buddy to make up a feeding ensures that every bottle contains the correct amount of formula and overcomes some of the serious health risks associated with formula feeding. Miscounting scoops, overfeeding or underfeeding on a regular basis can have long-term health implications.
Here are my personal favorites from above:
  • Before you know it you are wondering: "was that five or six scoops?"
    No. No I wasn't. See the good lord (or insert whatever deity it is that you prescribe to) gave me this wonderful 3 lb. mass of goo called a brain. It allows me to do basic things like walk, breathe and count to five or even six. I challenge the manufacturer to a test. I will make 100 bottles and they can distract me with all of the fireworks, topless women and air horns they want and I guarantee that I can pretty much come through without forgetting what scoop I am on. 
  • Bottle Buddy is set to revolutize the way parents make up their babies' bottle forever
    Holy spit! You have created a glorified cat food dispenser and you are claiming to revolutionize the way parents make a bottle? I could see this if you invented a patch that affixes to the skin and the formula is ingested through it or maybe a way to snap your fingers and have things appear...but you have created something that pours powder out in regulated amounts...slow your roll with the revolutionary claims there Henry Ford. 
  • It is not only very time consuming but also very easy to miscount the amount of formula used, especially when holding a crying, hungry baby and trying to make up a bottle at the same time.Both my kids were formula kids (save your judgment and scorn for later). Not once during the roughly combined three years did I ever once say to myself "Wow, this scooping formula thing is a real pain, I wish there was an easier solution.". As a matter of fact, it was probably the easiest part of those three years. Were there some early meltdowns because I couldn't make the bottle fast enough? Sure. But we quickly learned a couple of tricks to make it easier on everyone...including a screaming infant that does not care if the formula comes from a fancy dispenser or not. We found that if we bought a couple formula dispensers and got into the habit of filling them up every night, then you were pretty much golden when it came to feeding time. No batteries required!
Take it from me, this is a waste of money. Preparing formula is as easy as 1, 2...oh shoot, where was I...6, 7, I haven't eaten yet...thanks for thinking of me...72!

Baby Bangs
(Editorial Note: At Stunt Dad we try to avoid using excessive swear words in our for the next five minutes please  insert you favorite swear word when you see the word chimmichanga and thank you for your support). I have saved the worst for last. Yes, you read that bangs. Are you chimmichanga kidding me!! Described as a patent pending (thank god, we don't want people to steal the idea of slapping a toupe on a baby) HAIR+band accessory combination allows baby girls with little or no hair at all the opportunity to have a beautifully realistic HAIR style in a SNAP!!

What kind of chimmichanga chimmichanga would come up with something like this? According to the website, this little piece of future insecurity was created by a world leading hair replacement artist with the philosophy of:
At Baby Bangs! We believe in the beauty of childhood; Our unique designs are sprinkled with MAGIC! --inspiring a world of whimsical wonder and mystical magical memorable moments for you and your new baby girl to cherish Forever!
For, she IS, and always will be, a LITTLE PRINCESS!
Let me be the first to say, "Shut the chimmichanga up!". This glorified beaver pelt is just another terrible product for people that want to play dress up with their dolly and not be a parent. (I could go into a rant about the whole chimmichanging chimmichangs that pimp out their children on Toddlers and Tiaras, but that is too easy.) So what is next? Chimmichanging push up bras? Maybe some baby blush? Or maybe you think your little princess might be cuter with different color eyes? Let's start looking into some chimmichanging contacts. Here lies the rub my friend, this type of "improvement" never really ends. Rather than spending your time worrying that your daughter is adorable, maybe you should spend your energy worrying that they are loved. I can bet every dollar I have that any person that actually uses this on their child is less likely to raise a princess and more like to raise a future chimmichanga. 

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Wednesday, November 16, 2011

100 Days For My Baby Girl: Week 1

When preparing for the birth of my daughter (K2), I was determined to have the same fatherly effectiveness as I had for my 18 month old son (Munch). Only, after thinking about it, I questioned how effective I truly was for him. Sure, I did my share of the diaper changing, the baby swaddling, and the middle of the night soothing, but—in hindsight—was that enough? Did I put up a framed picture of him that 1st week back at work? Did I write down the first time he smiled? Did I set-up a college fund for him? A year and a half goes by fast, but nothing goes by faster than those first 100 days. And with my baby girl, I'm making it a point to do those things that I wish I would have done for my son. Each week, I'll be connecting, appreciating, or communicating things that I didn't do the first time around. And on Day 100, I will be able to look back on the past 3 and a half months and be proud. Proud to be an engaged Dad. Proud to be a proactive Dad. Proud to be a Stunt Dad.

Week 1
The first week of parenthood can be exciting, exhausting, and even excruciating. All of the plans you and your partner had go out the window. Your newborn blinks and you become ecstatic. Your newborn feeds and you become fatigued. Your newborn wails and you become frustrated. Everything is so new and happens so quickly, that the first seven days goes by before you know it. And because of that, recalling some of those key moments can be difficult; which at the time, you never want to forget. So, Week 1 is going to be all about reminiscence, and here are two things I'm planning on doing:

#1: Time Capsule
With K2, I want to recall that first day she entered my life, whenever I want. I want to see it. I want to see the pictures of Wifey and I in the delivery room, K2's name written on the wipeboard, and Wifey holding our baby girl in her arms. I want to hear it. I want to listen to the "delivery playlist" that featured pop songs during the waiting period, dance songs during delivery, and R&B songs when we wanted to chill. I want to feel it. I want to hold on to K2's first onesie, her first booties, and the knitted cap that Grandma sewed. Those are the things I will collect and keep. The things I can see, hear, and feel from that incredibly special and amazingly wonderful day.

#2: Letter to Daughter
Developing a time capsule isn't enough, because all of the feelings, the thoughts, the love going through my body that first week needs to be shared with my baby girl (and hopefully, at a point in the future when she understands it). I want to write it down. All of it. In a letter. A letter to my daughter, just for her. For her to read when she's older, when she's still my baby girl, but so very, very far from being the baby I held in the palm of my hand. When she's an adult, experiencing adult things. The serious, the mature, the frustrating things that comes with being an adult. She can read my letter and remember. Remember how her mother always kissed her twice on the forehead, how her brother poked her tummy over and over, and how I cried myself to sleep that first week because she made me happier than anything else in the entire world.

Memory is a funny thing. It can't always be trusted, can it? In twenty years, I may not remember the look on my son's face when he first saw me, or that Ne-Yo was the first singer he heard when he entered this world, or how his skin smelled like maple syrup. But, with my daughter, not only will I remember it, I'll be able to see it, hear it, and feel it. Whenever WE want to....together.

Are you doing anything for your baby girl that I can copy???? =)

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Tuesday, November 15, 2011

10 Best iPhone Apps for (Stunt) Dads

This weeks app of the week is not 1, not 2, not 3...but 10 apps no (Stunt) Dad should be without.

#10. The Weather Channel - Be proactive instead of reactive with this app. Know when and where the bad weather is gonna strike and be a hero by having an extra pair socks for Jr when that cold front rolls in or save mom from wearing that white shirt when the scattered showers strike... er at least bring the water proof camera.

#9. Open Table - When your sweetheart discovers you're writing a daddy blog and revealing your stupid, non-PC self to the world, you probably will need to take her out for a nice night out starting with drinks and a fancy pants dinner. Open Table will tell you where there is an opening, let you make the reservation and even request the quiet table in the window all from the app.

#8. Pandora - Fill your life with music no matter where you are. Open the app and select your favorite artists or song and Pandora will provide music to your liking. For instance while at dinner you might want to play Mumford and Sons "Little Lion Man" er "I really *&$% it up this time".

#7. Netflix - Netflix is great for kids. It has lots og G and PG options and the ability to set them up with some for a long car ride to your sister in-laws is indispensable.

#6. Google Earth - It's just cool. Think about it you are literally carrying the whole world in your hand.

#5. Phone Aid - Gives infant and not infant CPR instructions as well as first aid information and a hot button to call 911.

#4. - In these times you gotta keep your money on your mind and your mind on your money, or is it your mind on your money and your money on your mind? I don't know, that's why I need Mint. Hookup your accounts and it will tell you where your money is going, suggests ways to save and let you know when you are about to go over rap music budget.

#3. Gorilla Cam - Missed the shot of the Misses in the rainstorm wearing a white t-shirt? Gorilla Cam won't make your iPhone waterproof, but it takes picture taking on the iPhone to a new level and will help you from capturing precious and embarrassing moments. It zooms, crops, times, stop motions and rapid shoots. What more do you want? Oh, ya, waterproof. That's not gonna happen till iPhone 6.

#2. iHandy Flashlight - Remember when men were men and they always had a pocket knife, and a flashlight handy? Well the iPhone still sucks for slicing up an apple but it makes for a handy flashlight with this app.

#1. Star Walk - K, this app can either be used to "school" the kids on the constalations, or provide a great excuse to lay under the stars with the woman you love and cherish. Point it to the sky and it will name the stars and constellations above.

Know any other great apps for dads? Give us a shout in the comments.

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Monday, November 14, 2011

Product Review: Swoop Bags

My wife recently found an interesting product called Swoop. And in all honestly, I am not sure if it is a smart idea or just swoopid (see what I did there). Swoop Bags are designed to be a one-stop toy storage area and play area for all of those little pieces of plastic that somehow seem to flood out of the little one's room. Made out of high quality cotton canvas and nylon cording, the bag/play around is made for quick access and storage.

The thing I am struggling with is whether or not the same outcome could be accomplished with a couple of $5 laundry bags. Also, what are you going to do with this large lump of plastic toys? Maybe future models will integrate a bean bag feature, but right now, it just looks like another pile of stuff to jam into someplace else. This idea might be a better solution when my little one turns 18 and I throw all of his stuff into a Swoop and chuck it into the front yard. At this point, for $45, I think I am going to have to vote Swoopid.

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Saturday, November 12, 2011

Shirt of the Day: World's Greatest Dad

Sure he led the massacre of the Jedi, let his wife die of a broken heart because of a lie told by an old man and might have also been partially responsible for the death of millions on Alderran...but given the chance, he would have been the World's Greatest Dad!  If you are a father and Star Wars fan, then Woot! has an awesome shirt today that you have to check out!
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Munch's Hunches: NFL Week 10

One step forward, two steps back. Munch dropped 2 out of 3 games in Week 9, but insists it had nothing to do the amount of time spent gambling and playing poker at daycare. Because of his disappointing weekend, I felt it was time to have "the talk." The talk every father has with their son about identifying a 4 year old girl's tell, reiterating that it's never safe to bluff more stuffed animals that you can't afford to lose, and when you're dealt pocket aces—try not to giggle and under no circumstances, never wet your diaper. While his Texas Hold 'em focus has benefited from our sit down, let's hope it carries over to Sunday.

The Saturday Stuntline is shaping up as...

The Early Game
  • Match-Up: New Orleans (6-3) at Atlanta (5-3)
  • Preview: Drew Brees' mole is interfering with the Dirty Bird dance. During Wednesday's press conference, quarterback Drew Brees confirmed that the birthmark on his right check was prohibiting the flapping of his right arm to act like a wing. "I really like the idea of showing up the other team anyway possible, and I thought this could really piss off Roddy White," said Brees, "Turns out this damn mole keeps preventing full wing flappage." Brees then raised his arm to demonstrate the issue and everyone in the room cringed at the sound of it. A reporter later compared it to scrapping roadkill off the pavement. Several Saints trainers also agreed and confirmed that Brees can expect severe chaffing of the forearm if he continues his attempt to master this dance. One trainer explained, "That thing on his face—it's friggin' disgusting. Like a damn turd that will never flush. He keeps practicing that ridiculous dance and his arm—or his face—is going to fall off by halftime."
  • Munch's Hunch: Me no likey poopy on faces. Go Falcons!
  • StuntDad Diatribe: New Orleans playing with a chip on its shoulder since losing to St. Louis two weeks ago and they will come out firing against Atlanta. Darren Sproles is finally being used in the right system and should have a monster game catching dump-offs from Brees and running wild on a weak Falcon linebacker unit. If the Saints can make Atlanta pass early and abadone Michael Turner, consider the Falcons clipped in this week's Southern Shootout Bowl. Saints Go Marching On The Falcons, 34-31.
The Late Game
  • Match-Up: Detroit (6-2) at Chicago (5-3)
  • Preview: Brian Urlacher quits his 2nd job as a private dancer. After Monday's shocking win over the Philadelphia Eagles, the Chicago Bears found themselves back in the NFC playoff hunt, which—for Brian Urlacher—caused the star middle linebacker to quit his night job at Larry's Sugar Shack. "After we lost to the Lions last month, we knew we hit rock bottom as at team. Losing to them is a lot like the male escort business. Once you go down, there's really no looking up after that," said Urlacher. "Each year at this time, a few guys always hang up their cleats and look for additional sources of income. Jay Cutler was a spokesman for Nut Liquor last year and even Mike Martz was a stand-in for Robin Williams as Mrs. Doutbfire the year before that." The owner of Larry's Sugar Shack, Lawrence Wilson, confirmed Urlacher's departure while also adding, "Our door is always open. I don't discriminate against starting players or bench players. If you can dance, you will dance. And, you can't beat the pay: 15 bucks an hour and free buffets. I'll tell you though, those football players sure can eat!" Although Larry acknowledges his business booms as more NFLers show up, he also admits to taking large hits on pork and beef sales.
  • Munch's Hunch: I love anything sugar! Go Bears!
  • StuntDad Diatribe: Beating the Eagles in Philly, on Monday night, after some struggling games will give the Bears so much momentum that Detroit won't have a chance. Last time these teams met, Jhavid Best went nuts. He is ruled out and with it, go any chance the Lions have against the streaking Bears in this week's Cage Match Bowl. Bears maul Lions 27-17.
The Night Game
  • Match-Up: New England (5-3) at New York Jets (5-3)
  • Preview: Vince Wilfolk already misses his buddy Albert. On Wednesday morning, the New England Patriots cut one-time Pro Bowler Albert Haynesworth, causing great sadness with Patriot defensive lineman Vince Wilfolk. "I will definitely miss him. In the six games that he actually played in, he served as a tremendous distraction. Belicheck told him, 'When they hike the ball, don't move, don't say nothin, and show absolutely zero effort.' Teams would think that an overpaid, overweight, overhyped guy like Al would actually make a difference. That's why Bill is a genius. He forced the big fella to be lazy, uninterested, and just all around pathetic, and it worked. Got me two sacks against Miami!" Wilfolk said. Upon hearing this, Rex Ryan told reporters, "That probably explains OchoCinco's performance, guess I have a lot to learn when it comes to strategy." Ryan later confessed that under no circumstances whatsoever is any Jet to guard OchoCinco, even if he's in the end zone. "Looks like Bill isn't the only one who knows football strategy."
  • Munch's Hunch: J-E-T-S! J-E-T-S! J-E-T-S!
  • StuntDad Diatribe: Both teams have been horribly inconsistent and sometime look like playoff teams and bottom feeders the other. Tom Brady will conduct an air assault on a below average Jets team. Look for Wes Welker to own the Jets as their corners won't be able to guard the quick ins and outs that make Welker such a threat. The running game for the Jets will continue to struggle and the offense simply isn't good enough in this Who's For Real Bowl. Patriots ground Jets 38-21.
Now, we turn to StuntDad Nation on your thoughts on these and other games from around the league.

Likes, dislikes, hits, & misses?

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