Thursday, November 24, 2011

Giving Thanks at Stunt Dad HQ

It is that time of the year again. Time to gorge yourself on turkey, devour a pumpkin pie, and—though sometimes forgotten—give thinks. Here at Stunt Dad, we wanted to share with you the top 5 things we are each thankful for this year. 
#5 Push-Up Bras: Men don't stop being men after becoming a daddy. They still have the hots for mommy. But just as daddyhood builds out the "tool shed" (the roof over the tool) and removes hair in clumps; midnight feedings and gravity take their toll on mommies lovely figure too. And while daddy's remedy is hitting the gym and massaging in the Rogaine, mommy can visit Victoria's Secret and look like the million bucks she did that drunken night in Manhattan that led to becoming a daddy :-)

#4 Business Travel: Business travel sucks. You eat like Chimichonga (chimichonga = swear word of your choosing), Amway newbies stalk the airport terminals wanting to tell you how great their business opportunity is, and from luggage to sanity it is guaranteed you will lose something. But the highlight of business travel is the sleep. It's the only time you will close your eyes and not wake up again until the alarm blows.

#3 Beer: Men have had sorrows to drown for thousands of years and beer has been there for them. Just because it has been a part of father's lives for 6,000 years it should NOT be taken for granted. Respect the beer and give thanks.

#2 Mommy: I don't need to remind you why you should be thankful for mommy. You chose her as your partner in crime to mess those kids up together...that's teamwork! So be thankful, and maybe she'll break out the push-up bra.

#1 Being a Dad: Nothing BK (Before Kids, Glossary To Come) is as rewarding as spending every bit of your time, money, worry, and love for the little person you helped bring into the world. It is the best thing that has happened or will ever happen to a man.

#5 TV: I love TV. Since I was a kid, the tv has been my main source for education, life lessons, and comedy 101. I would not be the man I am today without the help of Benny Hill, Jackie Gleason, Saturday Night Live, The Twilight Zone, The Wonder Years, and South Park. I probably watch about 20 hours of tv a week as I am multitasking other things. I know a lot of it is junk and I am trying to avoid I will miss you immoral young ladies of The Real World, but there is some really amazing stuff out there today...and I love every minute of it.

#4 Perspective: I have really struggled over the past 10 years with my anger. I think most if it has to do with not having what I want, not being exactly where I think I should be, or just a general negative focus on me...and really missing the big picture. Thanks to my wife and my kids, I really have gained a perspective that I don't think single men could ever understand. Maybe I am not the VP of a marketing company...yet, but I am the CEO of an amazing family (o.k., my wife is really the CEO, but she lets me make the big speeches because of my amazing PowerPoint skills).

#3 Friends...Stunt Friends: We have been doing this blog for a couple of months now and the time I have spent with Stunt Pete, Stunt Ben, and Uncle Terry have been some of the best times I have ever had.  As you get older, it is harder to make friends, and even harder to make "dad" friends. I have been lucky to get both in one shot. If you don't have a group of guys you can hang out with, you need to get them. But take my advice—don't put an ad on Craig's List that states "Looking for Dudes To Have a Good Time With"....that will not end well.

#2 Having the Hot Wife on the Playground: I know that this is going to come across as bragging, but it is is a fact. Every time we go out to the park to play with the kids, my wife is the hottest around. Sure there are those moms that want to show off their playground cleavage as they give their kid an underdog or display their lace leopard thong while on the teeter totter, but my wife rises way above them. She is the embodiment of a MILF (Mother I'll Love Forever).

#1 Now that Stunt Ben has set the bar, I guess I am the a-hole if I don't put Being a Dad as #1: I was going to say something witty like "twenty-year-old women that don't understand that H&M's clothes are made from fabric that is really thin" or "that it is difficult for people to know your real identity on Facebook (I will still love you Big Scott even when you find out that I am not a 32 year old waitress from Cleveland that secretly dreams of opening a store that just sells Bedazzled jean will always be in my heart.)"...but no, Stunt Ben set the bar and I guess I will stick with it...being a dad.

#5 Liquids: Yes, it is true. The makers of beer, wine, liquor and other fine spirits were all fathers, and as a father, it would practically be sacrilege to avoid them. And this holiday season, when we celebrate Thanksgiving with family, we'll also be celebrating with friends. Our close buddies in Jim, Jack, and Joe. Their darker, brother from another mother in 2-Buck Chuck and their distant cousins in Samuel and Stella. These friends make the whining more tolerable, the crying more forgettable, and the diaper explosions more understandable.

#4 Liberty: I don't really know anyone in the military per se, but I feel like I owe all them my thanks for letting my enjoy the little freedoms that I take for granted on a daily basis. This past weekend is a great example. How many countries give their citizens the freedom to cover Kohl's, Best Buy, Children's Place, and the Gap in the same strip mall—amazing, right? Or, how many countries close off one of the busiest streets (Michigan Ave in Chicago) on a Saturday night for three hours so Mickey Mouse can lead a parade of gigantic balloons, Rudolph, Woody Woodpecker, and the Nutcracker, to name a few—do you think Libya feels safe enough to hold parades on their streets or even let their citizens leave their houses? And finally, on Sunday, I introduced Munch to the greatest television feature known to man: DirectTV's RedZone package. We saw 28 touchdowns, 6 goal-line stands, 3 interceptions, and a forced fumble inside the 5 yard line. Beat that Iraq! So, to all of those serve and keep our borders safe, thank you and keep doing what you do, wherever you do it, and how you do it.

#3 Laughter: After the mushy stuff is said and done, there is nothing I value, need, or crave more than laughter. Laugher comes in all shapes, sizes, and forms; from family, from friends, from co-workers and recently—from group texting. And, specifically with the "4 Horseman." I have 3 buddies that I've known longer than most people in life. They're great dudes, they're fathers, and they're funnier than hell. None of us are phone chatters (we'll leave that mode of communication to the lady folk), but we are definitely texters. And with the group text feature on our iPhones, it makes for comic relief at any given point of the day. No phone calls or emails can capture the quick-witted lines from these guys such as, "Avoid the triple black diamonds (to 2 of the guys who are skiing in Colorado this week). Those are harder than Jerry Sandusky at a boy scout meeting" or "(in regards to the news that K2 has just arrived) We can keep our daughters pure by having them form a band. Their first single can be a remake of: 'Our Lips Are Sealed.'' After Munch resisting bed time and shrieking louder than his newborn sister's crying, these texts keep me sane and punchy. And, who doesn't like to feel a little punchy?

#2 Life: With the recent birth of K2, the miracle of life will never cease to amaze me. Amidst all of the crap in the world and the potential for crap to happen, my wife delivered two, healthy bouncing babies without any complications to them—or her. Munch, a year and a half ago, and now K2. No missing ears, both have all of their toes, and neither have birthmarks that would make Drew Brees' mole envious. Some may say it's luck, some may say it's destiny, or some may say it just means sh*t will hit the fan 10 years from now. Regardless of what they say, I've never been happier in my life. There's no miracle like the miracle of a little person conducting his own "little Indy 500" by running laps around our condo like a chicken with his head cut off and an even littler person stalking his every move, patiently waiting for the age when she is big enough to either follow him or clobber him upside the head.

#1 Love: Wifey was the first girl I ever said "I Love You" to, and actually meant it. (Sorry mom, I'm not talking about that kind of love). Wifey is beautiful, and moreso than just her looks, which to say, are very easy on the eyes. I hear it in how she mothers our children: the gentleness of singing our newborn daughter (K2) to sleep her arms while then explaining to our 18 month old son (Munch) that the humidifier is not a rocking horse. I see it in how she interacts with people: the genuine interest she shows when talking to friends about life's little surprises (good & bad) and the humorous stories she tells when talking to family about the latest person, place, or thing that Munch referred to as "poo-poo." And, I feel it in our friendship: the support she shows for me spending six hours every Tuesday night with my StuntDad crew and the excitement she has for me to have a boys weekend in Colorado just 30 days after our daughter was born. (I, err, she can barely contain herself).

#1 The Ability to Hand Kids Back to Their Parents When They Start Crying: No explanation required.  

What about you? What are you thankful this year? Let us know in the comments.
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