Saturday, November 26, 2011

Munch's Hunches: NFL Week 12

Whether it was a renewed focus or saving up for Christmas present shopping, Munch absolutely crushed in Week 11 by going 3-0. Munch was especially proud of picking the Eagles over the Giants in New York, who most of the world gave up on after learning that Michael Vick was going to be out. Philadelphia were underdogs at getting 5 points from their NFC East rival, but that's exactly why Munch picked them. He later admitted to placing a side bet with Tracy Sims, a fellow Darling Angels day care kiddie, who Munch was already in debt to her for: a Finding Nemo DVD, a copy of Goodnight Moon (1st Edition), and three Vanilla Jell-O Puddings. The crafty 18-month old Munch used a classic "Double or Nothing" by taking the Eagles who went on to win 17-10. Tuesday night was a good night in the Stunt Pete household when I came home to see Munch sitting on the couch reading Goodnight Moon. The kid is almost ready for Vegas.

The Saturday Stuntline is shaping up as...

The Early Game
  • Match-Up: Houston (7-3) and Jacksonville (3-7)
  • Preview: Janitor saves Matt Leinart in shower stall. With a season ending injury to quarterback Matt Schaub, the Houston Texans have tabbed Matt Leinart as their starting QB1. Leinart has not started a game in 3 years and didn't take a single snap last year. Which might help to explain why janitor Earl Duchamp stumbled upon Leinart in the Texans locker room shower early Tuesday morning. "I'm there every morning, 6am sharp. I start at the shower stalls because who knows what coaches and athletes do in there after hours. It can get pretty messy," said Duchamp. "I found Mr. Leinart huddled in the stall's corner with all sorts of basic football gear: socks, shin guards, jock strap. He seemed clueless what do with them and started cussing words that made me blush, and I clean up sh*t for a living! I asked if Mr. Leinart needed help, and he looked up at me with teary eyes and slowly nodded his head. And, that's when I saw it." What Duchamp saw was a 1973 instruction manual titled: How to Put On Shoulder Pads. Duchamp did what anyone of us would do in that situation. He sprung into action, placing the shoulder pads firmly on Leinart's shoulders, and clipping in the two shoulder straps. He finished in just under five seconds, leaving the befuddled quarterback in awe. Texans faithful should remember the name Earl Duchamp, because he not only saved Matt Leinart from certain embarrassment, but maybe—just maybe—the Texans' season all together.
  • Munch's Hunch: Poo-poo is funny, Go Texans!
  • StuntDad Diatribe: Leinart is a loser. C'mon, the guy had Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin and still couldn't amount to a starting quarterback in fantasy football. Even with the return of Andre Johnson, Leinart is a curse to any football team, and will drag them down quicker than Jerry Sandusky on a teenage boy. Blaine Gabbert, the Jaguars' rookie QB, should outperform Leinart, which is pathetic because Gabbert is—in a word—horrible. This game will be ugly, but Jacksonville will pull it out behind an incredible performance by Maurice Jones-Drew and a solid defensive effort in this week's Winning Ugly Bowl. Jaguars spur Texans 17-10.
The Late Game
  • Match-Up: Chicago (7-3) at Oakland (6-4)
  • Preview: Caleb Hanie to miss Modern Warfare Tournament. After winning their 5th straight game, the Chicago Bears have the entire Windy City thinking playoffs. Everyone, except Caleb Hanie. Hanie will be taking over the starting quarterback job from Jay Cutler, who broke his throwing thumb in Sunday's win over San Diego. Hanie addressed the media on Tuesday, admitting to some shocking revelations in the process. "The Call of Duty: Modern Warfare Annual Tournament is Monday morning in New York City. And for us gamers, it's our Super Bowl. I've spent my entire Bears career preparing for this moment," said Hanie. "While everyone else has been studying film or learning the playbook to make themselves better football players, I've been mastering my Killstreak & the streets of major European cities. I'm really ticked off that I have to start, as I had actually planned on using a sick day for Sunday's game in Oakland. I had it pretty thought-through: fly into JFK Sunday night, eat a hearty steak at Bistro Laurent Tourondel, sink into a comfy bed at the Benjamin Hotel, breakfast at The Grey Dog’s Coffee, and the start killing some Afghanis at 9am. But noooooo—now I have to get on a stupid plane, to a stupid city, and play a stupid football game. This ruins everything. My life—is ruined." Coaches and teammates alike were shocked by Hanie's admissions. Coach Lovie Smith responded by saying, "All of the crouching and rolling around on the sidelines, I thought it was some kind of sack avoidance thing he picked up at Colorado State. He's had us all fooled."
  • Munch's Hunch: Video games are fun. Go Bears!
  • StuntDad Diatribe: The Bears 5 game win streak will be coming to an end on Sunday. While Chicago has won 2 phases (defense and special teams) in nearly every game they played this year, their offense had been inconsistent for the first half of the season. Now Cutler goes down and they will be screwed for the first couple of games with Hanie under snap. Oakland has its own issues: McFadden is ruled out and their receiving core is battling injuries. However, Carson Palmer will continue to air it out against a defense that gives up a ton of yards through the air in this week's Black and Blue Bowl. Raiders rob Bears 24-17.
The Night Game
  • Match-Up: New York Giants (6-4) at New Orleans (7-3)
  • Preview: Eli Manning never spending holidays with brother Peyton again. On Thursday night, former New Orleans Saints quarterback Archie Manning, and the father of NFL quarterbacks Peyton and Eli, hosted the 1st, and apparently last, Manning Thanksgiving Dinner. Archie was very excited at the dinner because it was going to the be the first year that both kids would be available during the holidays. "Eli was in town for Sunday's game and Peyton doesn't have much else to do these days," said Archie, referring to Peyton's season-ending injury. "However, when we sat down for dinner and Peyton was handed the mashed potatoes, I knew that it would be a disaster. A total (expletive) disaster." It was reported that Peyton started his wacky audibling before passing the dish to Eli's wife, which really annoyed Eli. "I found it to be very disrespectful, because Abby doesn't like cold mashed potatoes, and his (expletive) antics took nearly 15 minutes," said Eli. "He's sitting there making obscene hand gestures in front of my children, yelling—literally yelling—in my wife's ear about Blue 42, and repeatedly slamming his knee up and down underneath the (expletive) table. He damn near spilled the gravy, which is completely (expletive) unacceptable." Peyton refused to alter this dinner approach which resulted in booing and cuss words from the entire Manning family, even his own children. His oldest summed up his father pretty well, "Sometimes, Dad can be a real ass."
  • Munch's Hunch: Me no likey spilled gravy. Go Saints!
  • StuntDad Diatribe: The Giants are in another 2nd half of the season funk as they look nothing like a team that is a game out of 1st place. They have lost two in a row and were humiliated against a dysfunctional Eagles team last week. On the other hand, the Saints are rested from a bye week, the Superdome will be louder than , and Drew Brees is on an absolute tear. Giants will be sent packing early as New Orleans should have this wrapped up before halftime in this week's Life's a Brees Bowl. Saints march on Giants 33-14.
Now, we turn to Stunt Dad Nation on your thoughts on these and other games from around the league.

Likes, dislikes, hits, & misses?

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