Saturday, November 5, 2011

Munch's Hunches: NFL Week 9

Week 8 resulted in two things: the Return of the Munch as he correctly guessed 2 out of the 3 games, but the loss of $45 in toys. For each correct guess, we have been rewarding Munch with a Star Wars action figure. However, it wasn't until this past Wednesday, when I noticed that Chewy, Jango, Dooku, Luke (Jedi version) and Han (Empire version) were missing. When I asked Wifey, she sighed and muttered, "Daycare." Apparently, my son has commandeered a corner of the daycare's play area into a mini-Bellagio. A toy workbench serves as a poker table, Plants vs. Zombies toys are used to replicate the Botanical Gardens, and he's convinced two girls to rhythmically shoot squirt guns in the air while humming Frank Sinatra. With Munch, Wifey and I have either assured him of a earning an invitation from the World Series of Poker or Intervention—or both.

The Saturday Stuntline is shaping up as...

The Early Game
  • Match-Up: NY Jets (4-3) at Buffalo (5-2)
  • Preview: The New York Jets aren't sure why they need to actually play on Sunday. Following their bye week, the New York Jets expressed confusion over having to travel to Buffalo this weekend. "I hope this is another one of Coach Ryan's goofy pranks, like the time he made us all practice barefoot during two-a-days, because a lot of these guys really liked sleeping in last Sunday," said quarterback Mark Sanchez, helping teammates onto their bus and gently escorting each of them to their assigned seat. "I bet, as we roll into Buffalo, Coach will try to actually get us off the bus. But—we are not going to let him. No way, no how. We love our Sunday mornings. And besides, it's the Bills." When it was mentioned that Buffalo was favored by 1.5 points, Mark laughed and rolled his eyes. "You guys are silly. Let me guess, they are in first place too?"
  • Munch's Hunch: I'm all about the Benjamins baby. Go Bills!
  • StuntDad Diatribe: Despite all of their losses coming on the road this year, their is too much at stake for the Jets to lose this one and too much pressure on Rex Ryan. Losing to the Bills will be devastating and likely ruin the Jets' playoff hopes. Look for the Jets to slow this game down, by running, running, and running the ball. Shonn Greene and LT will have big days against a poor run defense. And, Ryan Fitzpatrick will finally show the world two things: 1) why Harvard quarterbacks don't belong in the NFL and 2) why he's not worth $60 million ($60 million!!!!!!!) in this week's Pound the Ground Bowl. Jets trample Bills 28-17.
The Late Game
  • Match-Up: Green Bay (7-0) at San Diego (4-3)
  • Preview: Aaron Rodgers is furious with his own teammates. Sunday will be Rodgers' first regular season start against any team in his native state, but even the Super Bowl MVP is having a hard time securing ticket requests for family and friends. "For whatever reason, a lot of my 'so-called teammates' have requested tons of tickets, and they're not even from here. I'm disappointed, they know how much I like to show off for my mom," said Rodgers. "I love Greg Jennings and all, but he requested 2o tickets. He's from Michigan. Who the hell can he possibly know in California?" During Thursday's flight to San Diego, it was reported that Rodgers walked from player to player, jotting down their hometown and ticket request amounts. Additionally, Rodgers was overheard complaining to coach Mike McCarthy, "Coach, look at this. Lawrence Guy. Rookie. Defensive end. Requested 50 tickets! He's from Vegas for God's sake." McCarthy quietly informed Aaron that Guy's hometown was actually closer than Rodgers' (Chico, CA) by about 4 hours. For the remainder of the day, Rogers could be seen pouting in the hotel lobby wearing only the gold heavyweight championship belt that his 'teammates' gave him after winning the Super Bowl. Rodgers finally perked up a few hours later after learning the Packers cut Guy and gave Aaron half of the former lineman's tickets.
  • Munch's Hunch: Surfs up San Diego. Go Pack Go!
  • StuntDad Diatribe: Winning on the road in the NFL is tough. Winning on the road to a good team is even tougher, especially when your team's pass defense ranks near the bottom. Philip Rivers is poised to have a bounce back game and torch the Packers secondary. This should be a high scoring affair with both QBs reaching the +300 yard mark and 3 TDs each in this week's Top Gun Bowl. Chargers edge Packers 34-31.
The Night Game
  • Match-Up: Baltimore (5-2) at Pittsburgh (6-2)
  • Preview: Terrell Suggs got beaten up—by own his lips. After an overly excessive week of trash talking, the lips of Terrell Suggs had enough, as the star linebacker was forced to check into a Baltimore hospital to treat multiple wounds to the face. When pressed by the police, Suggs' lips said, "First he makes me announce that Sunday's match-up between the Ravens and Steelers will make the world stop. Then, I'm forced to say that it will make everyone's piss hot. And finally, I’m pressed to tell reporters that I have Ben Roethlisberger's ass in a mini-fridge down in the basement. How much crap did I have to put up with before I cracked?" The medical report indicates Terrell's lips became immensely swollen due to an allergic reaction to complete and utter bullshit, which allowed the lips to repeatedly slap their owner several times across the face, rendering the linebacker unconscious. No charges have been filed by the owner, although NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has summoned both Terrell and his lips to discuss this matter in greater detail.
  • Munch's Hunch: Whose burger is it? Roethlisberger's!
  • StuntDad Diatribe: Baltimore is old news. In fact, at this point in time, when a NFL player brags they are from the "U", they have to be old right? Bryant Mt. McKinnie, 33. Ed Reed, 33. Ray Lewis, 36. They won their Super Bowl 10 years ago (thank you, ahem, John Kitna) and will never win one again in my lifetime. Pittsburgh, on the other hand, just keeps doing it right, year after year. Their always steller defense is now taking a back seat to Big Ben and a young, fast receiving core. Watch for Mike Wallace and Antonio Brown to run circles around what was once, a very good Baltimore defense in this Out-With-the-Old-In-With-the-New Bowl. Pittsburgh shuts up Baltimore 31-21.
Now, we turn to StuntDad Nation on your thoughts on these and other games from around the league.

Likes, dislikes, hits, & misses?

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