100 Pushup Challenge Week 2

The 100 Pushup Challenge App has been awesome. I'm up to 81 pushups (in 5 sets) and actually seeing a slight difference in my physique (ooh la la). It takes less than 10 minutes every other day and while I know push ups won't get me all the way to healthy, it is a great first step. The game like interaction created by the app is keeping me challenged and engaged. I'm having fun with it and can't wait until Tuesday when I do my first stress challenge. On Tuesday I will do as may push ups as I can in a single set and see how far from 100 I am. Pin It Now!

New Drink: Fun for Mom & Dad after the kids go to bed

I am not a fan of mixed drinks that go further than waiving a bottle of vermouth over a martini glass while pouring vodka into a tumbler. But Smirnoff® has come out with a new vodka called Whipped Cream, and being that I'm whipped, it seemed like a good purchase. Mix it with Baileys® Original Irish Cream and it makes a sweet after-dinner drink for you and the misses. It goes down real easy, if you know what I mean...real easy, wink, wink ;-)

It's 2 parts Smirnoff Whipped Cream to 1 part Baileys, shaken with ice, and strained into a port or cordial glass. It's a nice way to sweeten up an evening and end a stressful day of wiping butts and noses.

-Stunt Ben

- Not a parenting blog, not a daddy blog, not a mommy blog — it's a Stunt Dad blog. Pin It Now!

100 Push Challenge: Day 3

Ok, so here is the weird thing about the 100 Push Up App. It counts the days that you work out as a day, but it recommends you take a rest in between days. So even though I started on Feb 16, I am only on Day 3. I would prefer if the app actually counted your days off. For example Day 1 would tell you to do your 5 sets of push ups and Day 2 would tell you to rest. Day 3 would tell you to do your 5 sets, Day 4 would tell you to rest. Anyway, that is my user experience feedback ;-) now onto my studification (note to self, register studdad.com).

After taking an extra day of rest while I conquered a cold I pumped out 57 push ups to complete my wekk1. The sets have gotten harder now demanding that I do 11, 15, 9, 9 and 13 push ups. I also noticed a little + sign at the end of the last set. I assume that is encouragement to do a few more if you can. I'm always up for a challenge so I threw in a few more to balance out the few extra beverages I had last weekend.

So far I notice that I am able to do a few more push ups, but I don't see much difference in the way I look. Perhaps the transformation from flab to fab requires a good night sleep? Anyway, I'm having fun with it and the gamification element is keeping me engaged and focused on breaking through to the lext level.

Next up is 63 push ups to start Week 2. Wish me luck.

- Stunt Ben Pin It Now!

Day 2 of the 100 push up challenge

Today I did a total of 50 pushups thanks to the Hundred Pushups iPhone app. (Week 1, Day 2, Level 3) #100Pushups


My arms and chest were still a little sore from Thursday, but my stunt training taught me how to muscle through the pain (coffee and Ibuprofen). The sets were 12, 10, 8, 8, and 10, but the break in between was extended from 60 seconds to 90. I'm not ready to put on a tight T-Shirt, more like a tight belt, but I can feel my arms and chest brushing off the con webs. I'm making progress, and it feels good. The app also has a feature to schedule the next workout, so now I'm calendars in for more push ups on Monday.

- Stunt Ben Pin It Now!

100 Push Up Challenge - Day 1

Today I did a total of 45 pushups thanks to the Hundred Pushups iPhone
app. (Week 1, Day 1, Level 3) #100Pushups
I could not wait till tomorrow to get started on my 100 push up
challenge. So I opened up the app and did as told. 12, 10, 7, 7 and 9
push ups with 60 second breaks in between each set. My arms hurt, but
in that good "I'm pumped" kinda way.
But guess what? My wife got inspired as well and is also taking the
challenge! She downloaded the Android version of the app and just
finished her 5 sets. Now if I quit I risk her beating me at arm
wrestling...which is kinda hot, but I'm still not gonna let it happen.
I think the program gives me tomorrow off, I'll let ya know how the
next training session goes.
- Stunt Ben

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Got My Rock On!

This past weekend, I found myself inside with the boys looking for something to do. The puzzles, balls, movies, and even the almighty iPad were not holding their attention. I found myself sitting in a room with an 8 month old and 3 year old staring at me. I could see the thought balloons over their cute little heads, "Dance, monkey, dance." My old acoustic guitar, usually stuffed in a closet corner, was out—probably from some closet organizing project or search for the matching sock. Quickly, I grabbed my opportunity to re-aquant myself with my old six-string friend and the spot light. "Arrrrr Yooooou Riddy ta ROCK!" I screamed as I beat through the 3 chords that make up 80% of all rock and roll. BAM! I had their full attention. For ten minutes I windmilled, thrashed, and bit the guitar strings. It was my greatest performance and my audience hinged on my every move. The same rock star imitation that made my wife cringe in embarrassment was now filling my spawn with laughter. When I ran through all the parts of songs I knew I just started making stuff up. "Clean your room with a broom, don't give mom any guff, don't play with your brother too rough!, La Di Da Di Da." Ya, I'm no Dylan, Nelson, or Drake, but the boys loved it. Even better, Monkey started to make up his own lyrics to my riffs. I was the Slash to his Axl Rose, the Keith Richards to his Mick Jagger, the Angus Young to his Bon Scott... we were rock. And the 8-month-old son, Buddha, danced, laughed, and clapped. "Poopey, Poopey, Poopey, trains are cool, ya ya ya." For almost an hour we jammed, making more laughter than music, and loving every minute of it. And then came the payoff. Knowing that mommy would be home soon, I ended the concert to prep for nap time. "No daddy!", Monkey yelled. "Again! Again! Again!" What? Encore? They want me to play another song? After all those years of practice, nights in empty bars, heaving amps into a van, I have finally found MY AUDIENCE. And they love me. They really, really love me... and the little one needs his diaper changed.

- Not a parenting blog, not a daddy blog, not a mommy blog — it's a Stunt Dad blog.

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Dear Health Club, It's not you, it's me

Dear Health Club,

Over the years, we have had some pretty special times together. Remember when someone broke into my locker and stole my credit cards and bought a hundred dollars worth of beer at the gas station around the corner? Or that other time someone broke the lock off my locker and we found my car keys in the garbage can outside your door? How about that fungus you gave me after walking in the shower without sandals? Hysterical! Oh man, we had great times. Whooo!

But look, as great as we were, I think we are growing apart. You are all, "new singles spin class at 1pm, and members social Friday night", but I'm all like, "the kids nap at 1pm and Friday's are pizza night". You smell like eucalyptus and I smell like peanut butter and jelly. You want to train me to run a marathon, and I'm living a marathon. Don't get me wrong, your 10 x 10 kids room was convenient, even if a little over priced for just putting in a DVD of Finding Nemo.

Anyway, I'm seeing another health club. Yes, they are a little more expensive, but we see each other more regularly and they love the kids. They have 3 play rooms, climbing walls, tennis lessons, a playground, swimming lessons, baseball and basketball camp, and the kids get their own swimming pool. They have a restaurant (you know how I like to eat) with beer and a kids menu. They even have a kids dinning room with Nick on flat screens. See, I can't just think about me anymore. I'm a dad now and I want the kids to have fun too! This new health club understands that and embraces it. I can work out while the kids play and take lessons. Then we can play in the pool together, or shoot some hoops, and finish the morning eating lunch together. You never really liked the mess the kids made in your organic juice bar and your protein bars aren't peanut free.

I know you will find someone else. Your "no initiation" sign up is sure to get you another pre-dad. Someone that shows up to all your social events... someone who can afford a personal trainer... someone who buys those tight stretchy shirts from the pro shop.... someone who actually likes wheat grass smoothies. I'm just not that person anymore—I wonder if I ever was.

So look. I need you to stop sending me emails and calling me. I know you think you want me back. I just don't think you have the space for me and my family. So please, take me off your list. It's not about the initiation fee or the free health assessment or the half off Pilates. My needs are different now. I'm different now. It's just time we go our separate ways. 

Sincerely,
Stunt Ben

- Not a parenting blog, not a daddy blog, not a mommy blog — it's a Stunt Dad blog. Pin It Now!

Planning for college just became more difficult - English or 20th Century Klingon Literature?

As loving parents and bad ass dads, our mission is to provide our little spawns roots to grow and wings to fly. And while it would be wrong to dictate their future career options; such as being a left handed pitcher for the Chicago Cubs and finally break the Billy Goat curse by pitching a NO HITTER in the seventh and final game against the Yankees, we do need to help them make the choices that will help them find their calling in life, such as pitching for the Chicago Cubs. Unfortunately the no goods at NASA just made finding our spawns calling in life WAY harder by expanding the options exponentially. Those turds at NASA never do anything small.

A few weeks ago NASA ruined your college planning by announcing that the probability of alien life is like, well, totally probable. This article http://www.dailygalaxy.com/my_weblog/2012/01/-nasa-probabilty-of-alien-life-in-the-milky-way-increasing-exponentially.html explains in mathy terms how there are a ton of earth like places out in space, meaning that alien life most likely exists.

So what does that mean for us? We are the generation of globalization. Our smart friends became international lawyers and business people. They started import export businesses or made their way to the top of some big corporation by offshoring the call center. As a generation we have both benefitted and suffered from globalization. We can get any kind of fruit any time of year, furnish our living room at Walmart with the change we found in the cushions of our old sofa, but also have witnessed friends jobs moved to foreign soil and struggle to reinvent their careers and passions. Before we complain or cheer the affects of globalization, we should realize that it was merely phase 1, and if NASA keeps pushing to infinity and beyond, our kids will be asking to join the Univerisity of Pheonix's Inter-Galactic Bussiness program, or The University of Chicago's program for Universal Economics. Studying the romance languages will hold little allure compared to the dialects of The Central Milky Way and the field of medicine will expand from Wookie Podiatrists, to Banta Brain Surgeons.

So thanks NASA! Thanks a lot for making a difficult task damn near impossible. It was hard enough helping guide our little ones to the path of happiness when there was thousands of options, now with gazillions I don't even know where to start. And I bet that foreign exchange program 12 light years away ain't cheap either. But I'm not giving up. I bet a left hander from the north side will still be able to make a career for himself, whether it be pitching against the Yankees, or the Vulcans.

Posted by Stunt Ben


- Not a Mommy Blog, Not a Daddy Blog. We are a Stunt Dad blog.

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I took my 3 1/2 year old drinking...is that bad?

Before you call the Department of Children and Family Services at 800 25-ABUSE, first realize that we didn't go on an empty stomach. We ate pizza before going to the bar, cus it was pizza friday and that's sacred. We're not heathens. Also note I am no Shawn Weimer, neither my 3 year old nor I drove...we took a cab. So put that in your beer bong and smoke it. Finally, it wasn't a pre-meditated night of binging, it just happened.

So that's probably enough of an explanation for our non-Amish readers, but for our uppity readers I will reveal a few more details that may turn your fingers and upward pointed noses elsewhere.

Some ex-coworkers were planning a get together so we could all see one another and catch up. I thought that I was not going to be able to make it, until a last minute change in plans gave me a few precious hours to have a couple of drinks and catch up. My plan was to pick up Monkey from school, have pizza friday, then slip away early from dinner to be fashionably late for the drinks. Everything was going nicely until it was time to slip away. As I put on my shoes Monkey's eyes welled up. "I go too", he sobbed through a waterfall of tears and snot. We tried to explain it was for adults and that I would be back soon, but he had his heart set on spending the night with daddy. I had 3 choices, leave my son sobbing with my exhausted and over burdened wife, stay home and miss yet another get together (perhaps 2 years worth) or be a Stunt Dad and reject the traditional options. I chose to grow a pair and go against the grain. But there was some thought that went behind the decision, I just wasn't going daddy rougue. First it was early, 6pm and the bar would be full of 30 and 40 something's wearing v-neck sweaters and designer jeans. The "bar" has an executive chef, and a director of culinary operations with a menu boasting warm tomato-goat cheese, white balsamic-capper brown butter and gluten free rice flour pasta. The drink menu is sprinkled with words like grapefruit, pomegranate and raspberry. It's the kind of trendy place where the fights are about the best agile project management methodology and where the weapon of choice to shove in someone face is an iPhone 4. The rule about not bringing children to a bar is about shielding them from dangerous characters, gamblers and prostitues. This crowd is the same people he sees at Starbucks every morning ordering similarly fruffy drinks. So I said, "lets go". Monkey's face lit up, we kissed mommy goodbye, put a twenty in our shoes so we would have cab fair home and told her not to wait up for us.

As soon as we got outside Monkey's hand shot straight up into the air and he screemed a mighty "TAXI!". The yellow Crown Vic screeched to a halt. We snapped the car seat in and where off for a night of debauchery.

When we arrived, the place was starting to fill up. We saw old friends and many took turns holding my wing man and giving him their iPhones to him to show him their kids, or nieces or nephews favorite app. I refrained from having a drink, while it was perfectly safe, Monkey is tough enough to catch sober, so I wasn't gonna take any chances. We had many new experiences. He peed while I held him up in front of the toilet. He flirted with more than one older woman, giving equal attention to both. And we listened to stories from @JamesArdito, one of the most creative and nicest guys in town.

We left after about an hour to make it home for bedtime. It was not enough time to catch up with the good people that miss. But it was better than not seeing them at all. And it was worth the dirty looks from accountants and media salespeople and the comment from the little girl who said "look he brought a 2 year old to the bar". To her I would like to say, "Actually, he is 3 1/2! He's just small for his age.".

So you tell me. Is it totally wrong to bring a kid into a bar? Is there any gray area? Pin It Now!

App of the Week: DocScanner

 

As a father, there are lots of documents that require your penmanship: health insurance forms, permission slips, health club membership contracts, etc, etc. I downloaded this fun app a few months ago and have used it at least 2 times a week ever since. It turns your iPhone into a scanner. Hold it over your paper or document you want to scan. It uses the iPhone camera to grab a pic. Next, it helps render the text for greater legibility. Then you can simply email the forms away. For the $4.99 that it cost, it has saved me a lot of time and has made getting signed forms to certain people via email a breeze. Check out DocScanner today.

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Why?

Tired of Why? Try this...

Stunt Dad: "Time to get dressed"

Kid: "Why"

Stunt Dad: "It's time to get ready for school"

Kid "Why"

Stunt Dad: "Because school starts in an hour"

Kid: "Why"

Stunt Dad: "Because that's what time the President of the World decided school should start for kids that ask why 100 times in row"

Kid: "Why"

Stunt Dad: "Because the blue panda rainbow riders said so"

Kid: "Why"

Stunt Dad: "Really, blue, panda, rainbow, riders doesn't even peak your interest to break for just a second from asking why?"

Kid: "Why"

Stunt Dad: "Kid, you're no match for the ninja diversion skills of a Stunt Dad. I'm warning you, one more why and I will blow your enquiring little mind"

Kid: "Why"

Stunt Dad: "K, are you ready?"

Kid: "Why"

Stunt Dad: "X"

Kid: "Why"

Stunt Dad: "ZZZZZZZZZ"

Kid: "That's funny daddy".

Stunt Dad: "Get your clothes on, it's time for school.

How do you handle "Why"? Why? Why? Why? Why?

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Giving Thanks at Stunt Dad HQ

It is that time of the year again. Time to gorge yourself on turkey, devour a pumpkin pie, and—though sometimes forgotten—give thinks. Here at Stunt Dad, we wanted to share with you the top 5 things we are each thankful for this year. 

#5 Push-Up Bras: Men don't stop being men after becoming a daddy. They still have the hots for mommy. But just as daddyhood builds out the "tool shed" (the roof over the tool) and removes hair in clumps; midnight feedings and gravity take their toll on mommies lovely figure too. And while daddy's remedy is hitting the gym and massaging in the Rogaine, mommy can visit Victoria's Secret and look like the million bucks she did that drunken night in Manhattan that led to becoming a daddy :-)

#4 Business Travel: Business travel sucks. You eat like Chimichonga (chimichonga = swear word of your choosing), Amway newbies stalk the airport terminals wanting to tell you how great their business opportunity is, and from luggage to sanity it is guaranteed you will lose something. But the highlight of business travel is the sleep. It's the only time you will close your eyes and not wake up again until the alarm blows.

#3 Beer: Men have had sorrows to drown for thousands of years and beer has been there for them. Just because it has been a part of father's lives for 6,000 years it should NOT be taken for granted. Respect the beer and give thanks.

#2 Mommy: I don't need to remind you why you should be thankful for mommy. You chose her as your partner in crime to mess those kids up together...that's teamwork! So be thankful, and maybe she'll break out the push-up bra.

#1 Being a Dad: Nothing BK (Before Kids, Glossary To Come) is as rewarding as spending every bit of your time, money, worry, and love for the little person you helped bring into the world. It is the best thing that has happened or will ever happen to a man.

#5 TV: I love TV. Since I was a kid, the tv has been my main source for education, life lessons, and comedy 101. I would not be the man I am today without the help of Benny Hill, Jackie Gleason, Saturday Night Live, The Twilight Zone, The Wonder Years, and South Park. I probably watch about 20 hours of tv a week as I am multitasking other things. I know a lot of it is junk and I am trying to avoid it...how I will miss you immoral young ladies of The Real World, but there is some really amazing stuff out there today...and I love every minute of it.

#4 Perspective: I have really struggled over the past 10 years with my anger. I think most if it has to do with not having what I want, not being exactly where I think I should be, or just a general negative focus on me...and really missing the big picture. Thanks to my wife and my kids, I really have gained a perspective that I don't think single men could ever understand. Maybe I am not the VP of a marketing company...yet, but I am the CEO of an amazing family (o.k., my wife is really the CEO, but she lets me make the big speeches because of my amazing PowerPoint skills).

#3 Friends...Stunt Friends: We have been doing this blog for a couple of months now and the time I have spent with Stunt Pete, Stunt Ben, and Uncle Terry have been some of the best times I have ever had.  As you get older, it is harder to make friends, and even harder to make "dad" friends. I have been lucky to get both in one shot. If you don't have a group of guys you can hang out with, you need to get them. But take my advice—don't put an ad on Craig's List that states "Looking for Dudes To Have a Good Time With"....that will not end well.

#2 Having the Hot Wife on the Playground: I know that this is going to come across as bragging, but it is not...it is a fact. Every time we go out to the park to play with the kids, my wife is the hottest around. Sure there are those moms that want to show off their playground cleavage as they give their kid an underdog or display their lace leopard thong while on the teeter totter, but my wife rises way above them. She is the embodiment of a MILF (Mother I'll Love Forever).

#1 Now that Stunt Ben has set the bar, I guess I am the a-hole if I don't put Being a Dad as #1: I was going to say something witty like "twenty-year-old women that don't understand that H&M's clothes are made from fabric that is really thin" or "that it is difficult for people to know your real identity on Facebook (I will still love you Big Scott even when you find out that I am not a 32 year old waitress from Cleveland that secretly dreams of opening a store that just sells Bedazzled jean jackets...you will always be in my heart.)"...but no, Stunt Ben set the bar and I guess I will stick with it...being a dad.

#5 Liquids: Yes, it is true. The makers of beer, wine, liquor and other fine spirits were all fathers, and as a father, it would practically be sacrilege to avoid them. And this holiday season, when we celebrate Thanksgiving with family, we'll also be celebrating with friends. Our close buddies in Jim, Jack, and Joe. Their darker, brother from another mother in 2-Buck Chuck and their distant cousins in Samuel and Stella. These friends make the whining more tolerable, the crying more forgettable, and the diaper explosions more understandable.

#4 Liberty: I don't really know anyone in the military per se, but I feel like I owe all them my thanks for letting my enjoy the little freedoms that I take for granted on a daily basis. This past weekend is a great example. How many countries give their citizens the freedom to cover Kohl's, Best Buy, Children's Place, and the Gap in the same strip mall—amazing, right? Or, how many countries close off one of the busiest streets (Michigan Ave in Chicago) on a Saturday night for three hours so Mickey Mouse can lead a parade of gigantic balloons, Rudolph, Woody Woodpecker, and the Nutcracker, to name a few—do you think Libya feels safe enough to hold parades on their streets or even let their citizens leave their houses? And finally, on Sunday, I introduced Munch to the greatest television feature known to man: DirectTV's RedZone package. We saw 28 touchdowns, 6 goal-line stands, 3 interceptions, and a forced fumble inside the 5 yard line. Beat that Iraq! So, to all of those serve and keep our borders safe, thank you and keep doing what you do, wherever you do it, and how you do it.

#3 Laughter: After the mushy stuff is said and done, there is nothing I value, need, or crave more than laughter. Laugher comes in all shapes, sizes, and forms; from family, from friends, from co-workers and recently—from group texting. And, specifically with the "4 Horseman." I have 3 buddies that I've known longer than most people in life. They're great dudes, they're fathers, and they're funnier than hell. None of us are phone chatters (we'll leave that mode of communication to the lady folk), but we are definitely texters. And with the group text feature on our iPhones, it makes for comic relief at any given point of the day. No phone calls or emails can capture the quick-witted lines from these guys such as, "Avoid the triple black diamonds (to 2 of the guys who are skiing in Colorado this week). Those are harder than Jerry Sandusky at a boy scout meeting" or "(in regards to the news that K2 has just arrived) We can keep our daughters pure by having them form a band. Their first single can be a remake of: 'Our Lips Are Sealed.'' After Munch resisting bed time and shrieking louder than his newborn sister's crying, these texts keep me sane and punchy. And, who doesn't like to feel a little punchy?

#2 Life: With the recent birth of K2, the miracle of life will never cease to amaze me. Amidst all of the crap in the world and the potential for crap to happen, my wife delivered two, healthy bouncing babies without any complications to them—or her. Munch, a year and a half ago, and now K2. No missing ears, both have all of their toes, and neither have birthmarks that would make Drew Brees' mole envious. Some may say it's luck, some may say it's destiny, or some may say it just means sh*t will hit the fan 10 years from now. Regardless of what they say, I've never been happier in my life. There's no miracle like the miracle of a little person conducting his own "little Indy 500" by running laps around our condo like a chicken with his head cut off and an even littler person stalking his every move, patiently waiting for the age when she is big enough to either follow him or clobber him upside the head.

#1 Love: Wifey was the first girl I ever said "I Love You" to, and actually meant it. (Sorry mom, I'm not talking about that kind of love). Wifey is beautiful, and moreso than just her looks, which to say, are very easy on the eyes. I hear it in how she mothers our children: the gentleness of singing our newborn daughter (K2) to sleep her arms while then explaining to our 18 month old son (Munch) that the humidifier is not a rocking horse. I see it in how she interacts with people: the genuine interest she shows when talking to friends about life's little surprises (good & bad) and the humorous stories she tells when talking to family about the latest person, place, or thing that Munch referred to as "poo-poo." And, I feel it in our friendship: the support she shows for me spending six hours every Tuesday night with my StuntDad crew and the excitement she has for me to have a boys weekend in Colorado just 30 days after our daughter was born. (I, err, she can barely contain herself).

#1 The Ability to Hand Kids Back to Their Parents When They Start Crying: No explanation required.  

What about you? What are you thankful this year? Let us know in the comments.

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The Evolution of My Worries

I recently realized that the things I spend my days and sleepless nights worrying about are much different than they used to be. Then I traced my life backward wondering just what I had to worry about before fatherhood. And while the things I worried about in the past varied with age, there was a huge paradigm shift in my worries after becoming a father.

• When I was born I only worried about mommy. Where's mommy?
• When I was five I worried about having to share my toys. 
• When I was ten I worried about friends and being liked.
• When I was fifteen I worried about girls.
• When I was twenty I worried about girls, and I guess my grades in college a little.
• When I was twenty-five I worried about which bars had good cheap drinks, free food that wasn't frozen pizza, and hot, smart, fun, down-to-earth girls. (Note: Never found this bar. If you have, please post on the internet.)
• When I was thirty I worried a little about my career, my future, bars, and my girlfriend.
• When I became a father I stopped worrying about me and started to worry about everyone and everything else.

What do you worry about?

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Chaperone Duty

It's field trip season, which means a whole new level of chaos in the home. You got permission slips slipping to the back of the drawer. Field Trip fees that go until the last minute to be paid and then in the confusion are paid twice, once by daddy in the morning when he drops off and once by mommy in the afternoon when she picks up. You have to pack extra clothes to forget in the backseat of the car, and an extra hat to leave on the school bus. You also must load your kid up with extra snacks to be kept in your kids jacket pocket until spring. And finally there is CHAPERONE DUTY. I don't know why I just shouted, I think it's a nervous tick.

I recently saw the sign up form with an empty line calling my name. "Sign here or you are a crappy parent". Actually, I was really wanting to go and see what the teachers and kids were like that are now shaping my little guys personality and memories, so I decided to kill some of the vacation time I should have used earlier this year and I signed my name. Plus, I totally succumb to guilt trips and don't want to be a crappy parent.

Chaperone duty is like the first day of high school. No matter what you do, you look out of place. The chairs are designed for kids to sit and adults to fall. The coat racks are installed at the height daddy will hit his head, and the cups are so small, daddy forgets its a cup of water and shoots it like a shot a tequila, slamming it down on the miniature table.

Despite the feelings of awkwardness it's a joy being a part of their little world for a day and getting to meet their friends and taking part of their routines and rules.

As a chaperone I was put in charge my kid (no more risk than usual) plus one (uh oh). This is the hardest part of being a chaperone. I was terrified that I was going to break my plus one. The way I roll with my kid probably isn't what other parents do. He's my buddy, I know when he's hungry, I know when he has to pee, I know when he's about to melt down, I know when he's tired and I can tell when he is hot or cold. But my plus one was as foreign as the allure of "Under the Tuscan Sun" to a 30 year woman. My paranoia got the better of me and I interrogated my plus one the entire trip. Are you hungry? Are you allergic to anything? Peanuts? Eggs? Cats? Pleather? Are you cold? Do you have to go potty? Are you tired? At one point my son and plus one looked at me as if I had three heads. They shook their respective singular heads side to side turned around and went to play. I'm pretty sure plus one said, "your daddy is a nut job"to my son as they ran to the slide.

As nerve racking as it was, I survived my first field trip in 25 years and I bring back knowledge so that other Stunt Dad's will prevail.

1. Bring a whole bunch of extra shit in a backpack. Clothes, blankets, snacks, Swiss Army knife, crayons, coloring books, napkins and WIPES. That shout wasn't my tick, it's for emphasis. I don't think you will actually use anything but the wipes, but the backpack can be used as seat cushion while riding on the incredibly uncomfortable school bus. Yes, in 30 years they still can't make a school bus seat that doesn't cut off circulation at the tailbone. However the buses do have speakers embedded in the ceiling, so you'll have that going for you.
2. Don't Give Your Kid More Attention. Your job is to help everyone assigned to you and keep everyone safe, happy and relatively clean. So don't laugh louder at your kids joke, or do just what they want to do. Treat all the children as equals and then spoil your little one when you get home.
3. Listen to The Teacher. Yeah, you may be all grownsed up, but the teachers are in charge. So put your listening ears on and mind their instructions. It's strange, but common adult sense doesn't go very far in a classroom of kids. They have clever ways of getting kids to listen, obey, be safe and have a good time. So listen to the teacher. Now touch your nose so I know you heard my words.
4. Don't Do Heroin in the Bathroom. It seems obvious to you and me, but this Wisconsin parent thought otherwise.
5. Be Aware of Food Allergies. Food allergies are on the rise in the US. In a ten year span the number of children under the age of 18 with food allergies grew by 18% to 3 million. Find out if your plus 1 is allergic to anything like eggs or peanuts.
6. Don't Be a Social Butterfly. Chaperone time is not time for the parents to chat about last nights game. Your job is to keep kids safe and smiling. Chit chat is fine, but keep your attention to the kids. After all, they are the future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside. Huh? Sounds strangely familiar...
7. Make Potty Breaks. Field trips are so fun they make me want to pee my pants. So just think how those little ones feel? They are totally distracted, out of their element, have a strange parent asking them if they are allergic to stuff, and there are a million new things to see, touch and lick. Potty time is the last thing on their mind until it's too late. So unless you want to have a pee drenched kid sitting on your lap for the bus ride home, make it point to offer frequent potty breaks.

Follow these tips, be cool and you are bound to have fun.

Any other Stunt Dads have a story or chaperone tips to share?

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10 Best iPhone Apps for (Stunt) Dads

This weeks app of the week is not 1, not 2, not 3...but 10 apps no (Stunt) Dad should be without.

#10. The Weather Channel - Be proactive instead of reactive with this app. Know when and where the bad weather is gonna strike and be a hero by having an extra pair socks for Jr when that cold front rolls in or save mom from wearing that white shirt when the scattered showers strike... er at least bring the water proof camera.

#9. Open Table - When your sweetheart discovers you're writing a daddy blog and revealing your stupid, non-PC self to the world, you probably will need to take her out for a nice night out starting with drinks and a fancy pants dinner. Open Table will tell you where there is an opening, let you make the reservation and even request the quiet table in the window all from the app.

#8. Pandora - Fill your life with music no matter where you are. Open the app and select your favorite artists or song and Pandora will provide music to your liking. For instance while at dinner you might want to play Mumford and Sons "Little Lion Man" er "I really *&$% it up this time".

#7. Netflix - Netflix is great for kids. It has lots og G and PG options and the ability to set them up with some for a long car ride to your sister in-laws is indispensable.

#6. Google Earth - It's just cool. Think about it you are literally carrying the whole world in your hand.

#5. Phone Aid - Gives infant and not infant CPR instructions as well as first aid information and a hot button to call 911.

#4. Mint.com - In these times you gotta keep your money on your mind and your mind on your money, or is it your mind on your money and your money on your mind? I don't know, that's why I need Mint. Hookup your accounts and it will tell you where your money is going, suggests ways to save and let you know when you are about to go over rap music budget.

#3. Gorilla Cam - Missed the shot of the Misses in the rainstorm wearing a white t-shirt? Gorilla Cam won't make your iPhone waterproof, but it takes picture taking on the iPhone to a new level and will help you from capturing precious and embarrassing moments. It zooms, crops, times, stop motions and rapid shoots. What more do you want? Oh, ya, waterproof. That's not gonna happen till iPhone 6.

#2. iHandy Flashlight - Remember when men were men and they always had a pocket knife, and a flashlight handy? Well the iPhone still sucks for slicing up an apple but it makes for a handy flashlight with this app.

#1. Star Walk - K, this app can either be used to "school" the kids on the constalations, or provide a great excuse to lay under the stars with the woman you love and cherish. Point it to the sky and it will name the stars and constellations above.

Know any other great apps for dads? Give us a shout in the comments.

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App of the Week: PhonyPhone

I have had a couple of close calls (ah haha) when giving my phone to a child. My boss has been dialed at 5:30am and told "I made poopy", a work email was responded to with the career escalating response: "K assface" and at least thirteen calls have been made to 911 (they now know Monkey by name and my cell is on the bad daddy list). So I'm kicking myself for not thinking of this idea long ago, ladies and gents I present to you...PhonyPhone! This amazing (and FREE) little app turns your phone into a fake phone. Yea. A phone without the ability to call the cops, or your boss or make long distance calls to China.

And for the creative criminal, PhonyPhone is a great training tool for your little accomplice to learn helpful ways to get daddy out of trouble.

When the boss calls: "Hello, daddy not home, he went to work early. He works all the time. Why you not let daddy play with me."

To the resident telemarketer: "Daddy not have credit card. Bad man stole his wallet and punch him in eye."

To Mother In Law: "Daddy think you so pretty and nice".

For the dads on the up and up, PhonyPhone also helps teach numbers by showing the word spelled out along with a nice voice (Stunt Chad likes to call her Linda). Linda says the number out loud helping Jr learn the names and spellings of the numbers. And if you press the talk button Linda also says hello. There is also a button that plays laughter and another that plays Mary Had a Little Lamb in phone tones, which is totally annoying so your kid will love it. The best part of PhonyPhone is that it is free. So check it out now in the Apple App Store. PhonyPhone. Pin It Now!

Adults Have Temper Tantrums Too!

The other day Monkey did not want to drive home from school. He demanded that we walk. Unfortunately for him and his demands, daddy was double parked and daddy didn't have the stroller. Walking wasn't an option...period. We sat on the steps for the next 15 minutes while he cried and I tried to bribe him promises of ice cream and the eventual adoption of puppies. He didn't budge. So finally daddy laid down the law. "Monkey, it's time to go. We have to get in the car, now." This did not go well. Monkey flipped, squirmed and cried. The scene ended in daddy carrying him to the car and him screaming "don't take me" as I put him into the car waiting for the police to show up and arrest me for abducting my own son.

Have you been the target of a terrible tantrum? The source of the supermarket scream fest? The victim of a full on, daddy I hate you and want to change my name to mommy's maiden name meltdown?  

A visit to kids health will tell you the obvious. Kids get frustrated because they can't control their environment, because they need attention or because they can't communicate what they want. WebMD also has a little advice on how to manage:

• Make sure Jr gets enough rest
• Look for things that might be stressing them out
• Don't react too strongly or give in.
•  After they calm down let them know that behavior is not acceptable

Dealing with a tantrum is never easy and no one is an expert. In the end all you can do is try your best not to freak out yourself like these grown adults did...on camera!

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5 Tips to Surviving Your First Parent Teacher Conference...for Pre-School

I just jumped through the ring of fire and attended my very first parent teacher conference...for pre-school. Here are 5 tips to help you avoid certain death and potential parentry embarrassment.

1. Be On Time. Don't be late unless you roll in with a luggage bag and a cab receipt from the airport. It shows the other parents who the disorganized slackers are and they will ban Billy from playing with your kid.
2. Avert Thine Eyes. For some reason pretty young women like to teach kids. Good for them, bad for daddy. Look at your shoes and the artwork on the wall, because mommy knows she's hot and she's watching for your reaction.
3. Don't Sit Down. Those little chairs are dangerous! Teachers practice every day and make it look easy to sit on a miniature doll chair. But those chairs can dump you on your ass faster than Mike Tyson, and right in front of Ms Hottie.
4. Be In Agreement. If you have a serious issue to discuss with the teacher, it's a good idea to discuss with your wife first and make sure you two are the right page. There is nothing worse than starting a conversation with "I don't think Jr is getting enough attention" and having it end with "If you like Ms Hottie so much, why don't you marry her?".
5. Avoid accusations. Don't interrogate the other parents with the intent of finding out which one their little spawns pushed your kid down or brought the head lice into school for show and tell. Chances are those parents didn't show up...it's Ms Hottie's job to keep the kids in check and to keep the head lice outside wherever lice live.

For some more info and advice on parent teacher conferences you can also check out preschools4all.com.

Anyone else have parent teacher conference advice? Or maybe perhaps Ms Hottie's phone number?

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Miles Davis, Child Charmer

Last week was a typical day in the Stunt Ben household. Buddha was kicking and rolling around on a play mat and Monkey was building and wrecking marble machines (if you don't know what a marble machine is check this out). I was setting up Pandora on my internet TV, making my own ruckus. The first station I setup was Miles Davis and in seconds the room was filled with the child chilling sounds of "Freedie Freeloader (False Start)" from the Kind of Blue Legacy Edition. Almost immediately, Buddha calmed down and started to examine his hanging toys over the mat. Monkey grabbed the iPad and sat on the couch, surfing YouTube for marble videos. For about an hour all was cool and we just hung out, as if we were in a coffee shop or book store. I was amazed at how some cool jazz could calm the usual frenzy.

This got me thinking about the other benefits of music. We've all heard about how certain types of music can make the brain smarter, kids better in math and some of you may even be aware that in Ancient China a musical scale was imposed on the people that was void of dissonant intervals for fear it would invoke revolution.  The Catholic Church even called a certain interval (the flat 5) "the devils interval" which interestingly enough is prevalent in both metal and jazz today.

There is no denying the emotional rewards of music to children and adults alike. My experience with Miles Davis reaffirmed that music should be a part of both mine and my kids lives. But I wondered if the talk about music making us smarter or better in math also had any validity. I found an article at ScienceDaily.com that cites a study by some guys at the University of Vienna (they should know something about music). They debunked the so called "Mozart Effect" that listening to Mozart or classical music had any long term effects on the brain that could make a person "smarter" so there goes my $300 investment in the Baby Mozart videos.

I'm OK, that jazz, classical or any other music won't make me or my kids smarter or on the flip side motivate them to worship the devil. I think it better that music simply treats the heart and soul and I plan to give my kids a big dose of it whenever I can.

How about you? Do your kids have any favorite artists or albums for kicking back and relaxing?

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Stunt DARE: Make Your Own Awkward Family Photo

With Halloween just 48 hours from the grave and the holidays approaching, it's time to start planning a holiday card family photo. But instead of struggling to make everything perfect this year, lets take this mofo in the other direction and get freaky. Is Tommy hitting Sally? Perfect! Is everyone smiling except daddy? Even better! Is mommy dressed as slave Princess Leah (you remember the gold bikini)? Well done my friend!!

Your awkward family photo will spread joy and laughter throughout the years. So if you are ready to take on this Dare surf on over to AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com and get yourself some motivation. Be prepared, the bar has been set pretty high. We've also included some of our personal favorites:

There are a couple of other great sites with some amazingly awkward family photos:

• Failfamily.com captures all of the moments that others would probably like to forget. I especially like this one:

• And here are a couple of other random sites that have collected some great pictures, Freshpics.com and Buzzinn.net. While this photo is not exactly a holiday photo, I believe that this walrus has a present for the family:

• And this one doesn't fall into awkward, we thought it was just too damned cool to now share with you. This guy got his family to dress up as zombie hunters and took pictures oft them in action (including actual zombies). Well played sir. Well played

And to sweetened the deal, once you have accomplished the dare, if you share your masterpiece with the Stunt Dad Nation, we'll put it on our Dare Wall and make you a card carrying member of Stunt Dad.

Decipher for yourself the line between WTF and WOW!

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