Monday, December 19, 2011

I took my 3 1/2 year old that bad?

Before you call the Department of Children and Family Services at 800 25-ABUSE, first realize that we didn't go on an empty stomach. We ate pizza before going to the bar, cus it was pizza friday and that's sacred. We're not heathens. Also note I am no Shawn Weimer, neither my 3 year old nor I drove...we took a cab. So put that in your beer bong and smoke it. Finally, it wasn't a pre-meditated night of binging, it just happened.

So that's probably enough of an explanation for our non-Amish readers, but for our uppity readers I will reveal a few more details that may turn your fingers and upward pointed noses elsewhere.

Some ex-coworkers were planning a get together so we could all see one another and catch up. I thought that I was not going to be able to make it, until a last minute change in plans gave me a few precious hours to have a couple of drinks and catch up. My plan was to pick up Monkey from school, have pizza friday, then slip away early from dinner to be fashionably late for the drinks. Everything was going nicely until it was time to slip away. As I put on my shoes Monkey's eyes welled up. "I go too", he sobbed through a waterfall of tears and snot. We tried to explain it was for adults and that I would be back soon, but he had his heart set on spending the night with daddy. I had 3 choices, leave my son sobbing with my exhausted and over burdened wife, stay home and miss yet another get together (perhaps 2 years worth) or be a Stunt Dad and reject the traditional options. I chose to grow a pair and go against the grain. But there was some thought that went behind the decision, I just wasn't going daddy rougue. First it was early, 6pm and the bar would be full of 30 and 40 something's wearing v-neck sweaters and designer jeans. The "bar" has an executive chef, and a director of culinary operations with a menu boasting warm tomato-goat cheese, white balsamic-capper brown butter and gluten free rice flour pasta. The drink menu is sprinkled with words like grapefruit, pomegranate and raspberry. It's the kind of trendy place where the fights are about the best agile project management methodology and where the weapon of choice to shove in someone face is an iPhone 4. The rule about not bringing children to a bar is about shielding them from dangerous characters, gamblers and prostitues. This crowd is the same people he sees at Starbucks every morning ordering similarly fruffy drinks. So I said, "lets go". Monkey's face lit up, we kissed mommy goodbye, put a twenty in our shoes so we would have cab fair home and told her not to wait up for us.

As soon as we got outside Monkey's hand shot straight up into the air and he screemed a mighty "TAXI!". The yellow Crown Vic screeched to a halt. We snapped the car seat in and where off for a night of debauchery.

When we arrived, the place was starting to fill up. We saw old friends and many took turns holding my wing man and giving him their iPhones to him to show him their kids, or nieces or nephews favorite app. I refrained from having a drink, while it was perfectly safe, Monkey is tough enough to catch sober, so I wasn't gonna take any chances. We had many new experiences. He peed while I held him up in front of the toilet. He flirted with more than one older woman, giving equal attention to both. And we listened to stories from @JamesArdito, one of the most creative and nicest guys in town.

We left after about an hour to make it home for bedtime. It was not enough time to catch up with the good people that miss. But it was better than not seeing them at all. And it was worth the dirty looks from accountants and media salespeople and the comment from the little girl who said "look he brought a 2 year old to the bar". To her I would like to say, "Actually, he is 3 1/2! He's just small for his age.".

So you tell me. Is it totally wrong to bring a kid into a bar? Is there any gray area? StumbleUpon Pin It Now!


  1. Can I suggest the Irish American heritage center? Drinking with babies is highly encouraged and expected there. That's where we saw Santa. Good family fun

  2. Done and done! We will see you there Saturday night. Can we share a cab home?

  3. I loved meeting your monkey!! He is welcome anytime!!

  4. nope don't think so. it's good for children to be integrated w/ ALL facets of our lives. i wouldn't flinch 2x at this. in europe, where i'm from, i grew up in pubs!

  5. We need a more european view, and kids growing up in pubs. Thanks for the support. We should have drink and bring our kids sometime.