Saturday, December 10, 2011

Munch's Hunches: NFL Week 14

Just 18 months into life, Munch joins a very impressive club. Babe Ruth. Joe Namath. Muhammed Ali. One called it. One spoke it. One shouted it. These 3 legends all guaranteed victory and backed it up. And after correctly predicting a clean sweep in Week 13, Munch has become the William Wallace of the Midwest daycare community.
  • "I heard he's 4 feet tall!" exclaimed Timmy Teigs of Gurnee, IL.
  • "Gambles Disney DVDs by the hundreds," said Clark Randshacky of Iowa City, IA.
  • "Consumes kids toys with fireballs from his eyes, and bolts of lightning from his diaper," stated Frankie Ruiz of Elkhorn, WI.
Munch's legend is growing each week with every correct pick he makes. It was reported earlier this week that Munch sat down fellow Darling Angels daycarer, Carter Casey, and explained to him the fundamentals of Black Jack. "Munch pointed to Carter's head saying, 'First, learn to use this,' then, he gestured to a deck of Dr. Seuss playing cards stating, 'Then, I'll teach you to use this," accounted Vanessa Calloway.

The Saturday Stuntline is shaping up as...

The Early Game
Match-Up: Atlanta (7-5) at Carolina (4-8)
Preview: Cam Newton kicked off plane for playing Words With Friends. Rookie quarterback made a rookie mistake earlier this week. Carolina Panther quarterback, Cam Newton, was thrown off a Southwest Airlines flight for playing a popular video game called Words With Friends. In a bold statement by Bill Kearney, the Southwest Airlines CEO appeared outraged saying, "Betty Sylvester, one of our legacy attendants of 25 years, saw what Mr. Newton did first-hand. She saw him completely pass up (pause) a triple letter, triple word play. And, what's worse, he did it on purpose! Betty confronted him and asked him what the hell he was doing. Mr. Newton shrugged it off. He said 'To me, QIS is not a real word' and he completely shrugged it off. Like it was no big deal. Like it was some—some video game. I spend more time playing WWF than time with my own kids, and for someone with Cam's opportunities in life to just—just dismiss QIS because he doesn't feel it's really a word? Who does he think he is? Earth to Cam, it's (expletive) WWF. We're not curing cancer here. Screw the damn honor code!! Quite frankly, its a direct slap in the face to anyone who plays the gamete right way. I'm proud of Betty and our airline to stand up to these 'people' who think they are better than the rest of the world. The world who have the opportunities to play Xi and score 34 points, but voluntarily choose not to. It (expletive) pisses me off." The day after his rant was made public, Kearney was fired immediately.
Munch's Hunch: Go Cam Go! Go Panthers!
Stunt Dad Diatribe: The Falcons are in deep trouble as they face a hot Panther team and have been up and down all season. However, Cam Newton is good, but won't be good enough on Sunday. The veteran Falcon team will come together and make one final push for the playoffs. Roddy White will be a mega-force with +100 yards and 2 touchdowns in this week's Southern Gumbo Bowl. Falcons cage Panthers 34-28.

The Late Game
Match-Up: Chicago (7-5) at Denver (7-5)
Preview: Chicago Bears defense not playing until 4th quarter. "We are playing the odds," said Pro Bowl linebacker Lance Briggs. "And going off their track record, we feel we can squeeze in some sightseeing for the first three quarters, then show up in the 4th. Heck, I've always wanted to try snowboarding." Cornerback Charles Tillman is taking a different approach, "Those guys (Briggs) are crazy. They are going to be exhausted with all that physical activity. I'm going to lay low in my hotel room and just get high. Like really, really high. I mean, its Denver, what else is there to do but get high?" While players are finding other things to do than to get high, from lunching at the original Chipotle to learning how to Hackey Sack, there is surprising little concern about the Broncos playing against absolutely no defense for three quarters. Head Coach Lovie Smith endorsed the mindset, "We all know that God only cares about the 4th quarter. It's evident in evey game Tebow plays in. No one likes to watch a blowout, not even the big guy upstairs. He'll keep it close, and its up to us to win the last 15 minutes of the game." Coach Smith said he was considering checking out the newest Mission Impossible movie which opened Friday.
Munch's Hunch: Daddy's gonna be at this game. Go Bears!
StuntDad Diatribe: The Bears are hurting. No Cutler. No Forte. No chance. Caleb Hanie has thrown for more interceptions than first downs in the past two games. I'm no statistician, but that doesn't bode well. Meanwhile, "Touched by an Angel (and thankfully not by his college coach) Tim Tebow
has led the Broncos to a 6-1 record and captured the attention of the entire NFL. The Broncos defense has repeatedly bailed out the only man who can 'touch MC Hammer' and will doso again in this week's Mile High Bowl. Broncos hibernate Bears 24-21.

The Night Game Match-Up: New York Giants (6-6) at Dallas (7-5)
Preview: Tony Romo offering millions to change Sunday's date. He begged the Dallas Post. He pleaded with Governor Rick Perry. He appealed to President Obama. But, alas—his efforts to date have gone in vain. What could be so important you ask? The answer is the date of Sunday's night's game between the NY Giants and Dallas Cowboys. December 11. 2011. No, this has nothing do with some bizarre tie to 9/11. It has everything to do with that word. That terrible, horrible, no good, very bad word. A word so terrifying that it makes Tony Romo tumble, fumble, and crumble under pressure. Say it with me now: De-cem-ber. Sends a chill down your spine just looking at it, doesn't it? Well, it does more than that to Tony—in fact, it downright removes his spine altogether. Yanks right out of his back. It's a word that has caused Romo to go 7-10 during the most critical month of the year, just after the month of November when has a record of 19-2. As the Cowboys look to hang on to first place against the rival Giants, its been reported that Romo has been calling anyone and everyone to change the date of Sunday's game. "He called in absolute hysterics, babbling about changing Sunday's date to November 11, 2011.—just for the day," noted Presidential Secretary, Patti Gillroy. " He sounded like a damn heyna. It was the desperate act of a desperate man." Several anonymous sources have reported that he offered $1 million dollars to Rick Perry's presidential campaign as well as naming rights to his unborn girl. Romo was quoted as saying, "We are expecting a baby girl next year, but I'm not opposed to naming her Rick Romo if need be."
Munch's Hunch: Rick Perry is a weirdo. Go Cowboys!
Stunt Dad Diatribe: December, December, December and Tony Romo. Giants overpower Cowboys in this week's Short But Simple Bowl. Giants lasso Cowboys 28-27.

Now, we turn to Stunt Dad Nation on your thoughts on these and other games from around the league.

Likes, dislikes, hits, & misses?

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