Thursday, October 6, 2011

Better Diaper Technology Please!

Are diapers as good as they can be? They hold a lot of crap, and we don't have to fumble with safety pins or whatever our parents did back in the dark ages. But c'mon, there is plenty of room for improvement. I for one can think of some frustrating items that make changing diapers at 3am a stinky task at best. Here are our requests for diaper 2.0.

1. Quick release. They are packed so tightly that when you get them out of the bag, you gotta' use 2 hands to unfold 'em. I've gotten to the point where I unfold a diaper and pull out the tabs before I pick up Buddha for his changing. But it sure would save a few precious moments if the diaper would spring into position ready to wrap around baby like Iron Man's exoskeleton suit of armor. I have a small tent that has carbon fiber polls sewn into the fabric. As soon as you take it out of the case it explodes into a tent. Ya!!!!!! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. As soon as that diaper is out of the bag it should be ready for installation.

2. Self releasing tabs! Lets get the most out of that quick release technology and apply it to the tabs too! If the diaper unfolds, the tabs should spring to attention ready to wrap around baby. Even though I get them ready before starting my diaper change routine, they snap back and attach themselves in the most inconvenient manner possible. There has got to be a solution that simplifies diaper installation and makes it more of a plug-and-play experience.

3. Hidden compartment for wipes. The wipes thinger is often empty—and when it's not—I end up pulling out a clump of them, then leaving none left in the thingy again. Or when at the zoo, I realize I forgot wipes all together. So I'm asking the diaper gods to install a couple of wipes in a hidden pouch. Just before changing junior, pull the quick release tab, grab the wipes, remove diaper, wipe butt, done.

4. Courtesy flap. So my wife taught me how to wrap up the poo in the diaper and tape it shut with the tabs to make the common poo-filled baseball. Problem is, my kids are over achievers when it comes to making stinky poo. I need a courtesy flap that can lay over the S#*t to help keep both it and the stink contained while wrapping up the poo baseball.

5. Blowout Alarm. With all the great apps and wireless technology, there should be a way to detect when a diaper is approaching leakage and make my phone play Break on Through (To the Other Side) by the Doors.

6. Scent Neutralizer. Let's take a cue from the car industry and offer customized scents. Fresh baby? Pine forest? Hell, even new car smell would rock it.

Those are a few ways that I think diapers can be taken to the next level. Anyone else have some suggestions?
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