Monday, February 13, 2012

Warning!! Warning!! Tomorrow is Valentine's Day...You Have Been Warned!!!

Valentine's day is tomorrow. If you are like every other man in the United States, you are scrambling for a last-minute solution. Never fear, Stunt Dad is here. Here are 5 bad ideas to avoid and 5 ideas guaranteed to get you into your wife's good graces... and no, they don't involve jewelry, candy, or flowers.

Bad Ideas 
  1. As you lay on the couch, you nudge her with your foot and say "So you want me to throw you a move tonight or what?" 
  2. Lingerie. Regardless of what you buy, you will be wrong. She will either be mad because it is the wrong size, or based upon what you pick out, she is going to finally understand what a pervert you truly are. Either way, you are doomed to a night alone. 
  3. Dress up as cupid (adult diaper and compound bow) and perform an interpretive dance to "Do You Think I'm Sexy" by Rod Stewart. You are either going to discover the joys of urinating without the hassle of walking down the hall to the bathroom or you are going to shoot somebody's eye out. You and your wife will become the couple that other people describe as "the pirate and the guy with a load in his pants". 
  4. Home made coupons. Trust me, she is never going to cash in her "Free Doings" coupon regardles of the "no expiration date" you put in bold. 
  5. Sex Books. She is happy with what she knows. V-day is not the time to say she needs to add a couple of new tricks. 
Good Ideas
  1. Kids + Glue + Sprinkles + String + Noodles + Construction Paper = Tears
  2. If you have a Mac, you can easily use the 8 photos you have taken of her since having kids and create a quick movie. Special points will be added if you use your wedding song.
  3. Arrange for a cleaning service to come over during the day to tidy up the place—and then order in food for the night. Rent a movie that you are confident she will like. Take responsibility for putting the kids to bed. Watch her movie with her. Wake her up in the middle of the movie and tell her to go to bed. Wake up for every child-based need that night.
  4. Get a babysitter. Get a reservation. Give your wife a two-hour notice. Put on a suit. Pick her up at the front door. Go to dinner. Talk about anything but the kids. Stay out past 9:00. Take her home. Kiss her firmly on the mouth. Give her a hug. 
  5. An honest I love you.
Do you have any other suggestions or ideas? Share them with us in the comments below. 

- Not a parenting blog, not a daddy blog, not a mommy blog — it's a Stunt Dad blog.

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