Thursday, February 16, 2012

Letter to McDonald's

Dear McDonald's,

I have not been a very good patron of your fine establishment lately. Your burgers and fries are tasty, but mess my junk up and make me fat. However, I am a total FAN after a recent visit to one of your fine establishments with a playground. 

We were going to go to some place that charges $12 an hour to play, and they didn't have much of a menu. So we left, which then resulted in a complete toddler meltdown from our little Monkey. He wanted to play soooooooooooo badly on the crappy little train tables that are just like the one he has at home. At a point of complete frustration, we passed the golden arches and I pulled in to bribe our little guy with a Happy Meal. But it wasn't the Happy Meal that made him smile. It was your F'n awesome playground. In the past, I always referred to them as germ pools, but this one actually looked really clean—and there was a dude constantly cleaning the space. Our little guy ran around with the other 20 screaming kids and had the time of his life. He never gets to play that hard in those other dainty play places, but at McDonald's, there was a lot of running, climbing, jumping, and screaming to be had. He was so active that he fell asleep in the car on the way home after our hardy lunch that only cost $17 for the three of us. So even while you mess my junk up, you have a fan in me. I'm going to make your playground part of our usual winter rotation. Thanks for keeping it clean, cheap, and fun. You rock. 

Love,
Stunt Ben
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