Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Judge, Jury, Stuntecutioner: The Candy Challenge Dad

The Case: The People vs. The Candy Challenge Dad

The Charges: Cruel and unusual parentry 

The Plaintiff: The Candy Challenge Dad 

The Evidence: With over 500,000+ YouTube hits, this anonymous father has become an overnight sensation with his :56 clip showing his children scaling a bedroom door frame for candy. Comments on the site have ranged from anger, "The most vicious dad on earth! They are not dogs dude." to outright praise, "Your kids are awesome, you are awesome." Most anger is pointed at the fact that the children could hurt themselves if they fell and the fact that the reward for the challenge is candy.

The Prosecution: To the good people of the Stunt Dad Nation, I ask you, is this what we deem to be entertainment now? Watching children perform physical challenges in turn for a 10¢ sucker? What have we come to? This, I hesitate to use the word, "father ", is no more than a glorified seal trainer that throws fish at his children in an attempt to get them to perform tricks. Let's think for a minute about the possible accidents that could be involved in this "entertaining challenge". The kids could slip and crack their head on the door frame. They could fall backwards and hurt themselves. They could cut their hands sliding down the frames. The list goes on. And what is next? Jumping through flaming hula hoops for a hamburger? Jumping off the garage for gum? Running through drywall for wacky wafers? I just don't see any good coming from this. While not my responsibility today, I for one would recommend that if this "father" were to continue these efforts, he enforce a strict helmet and tether system. The prosecution rests. 

The Defense: Wow. Do you even hear yourself? This father, and yes I proudly state father here, is doing something with his children that most men don't—actually interact with them and have fun! So what if they are climbing the door frame? Have you been to a public park lately? The jungle gyms are at least a foot or two taller than that door frame. What's next? Are you going to prosecute all fathers that take their kids to the park? Let's just end this witch hunt now. Kids do scary things, and if they should happen to get hurt doing them, then they will learn valuable lessons for the rest of their life. What would you have them do, sit on the couch wrapped in bubble wrap reading a good Judy Blume book? Well sir, I would think wrapping your children in plastic is worse than falling three feet and I won't even go into the long term psychological damages that can be had by being exposed to Super Fudge. Also, the very idea that you would attack a man that rewards his children's efforts with treats is absurd. Kids enjoy treats. The man gave his kids a sucker. It is not like he took a video of his kids diving 10 feet into a pool of pixie stick dust and then videotaped the next two hour "Scarface"-esque high. He gave his kids candy. Would this activity be ok if he gave them a good firm handshake at the end? And really all of this talk is nonsense anyway. I for one have watched every Planet of the Apes movie and I have seen the future. When the monkeys take over, you will be damned happy that this visionary father thought to train these children to get food from the trees. They will lead the resistance against our ape overlords and you will look back at your persecution and be shamed. The defense rests.

The Verdict: Acting as a representative of Stunt Dad Nation, I find the accused not guilty. 

Stunticution: Not Applicable. This father is doing nothing wrong. He is enjoying time with his children while they play. If you see anything other than this in this video, you have too much time on your hands and you should look for ways to better serve the community like volunteering at a local shelter or reading to the blind...just please stay away from anything with kids, because you obviously don't understand them. 
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1 comment:

  1. NOT GUILTY! - no different than kids climbing a tree. He's got athletic kids, good for him!