Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Don't Die Daddy Initiative: Week 8

Forgive me, fathers, for I have sinned. It has been almost three weeks since my last post, and quite frankly, it has not been good. But let's start with the positive. About three weeks ago, I had lost almost 20 pounds (depending on if I was wearing socks or not). This feat was done rather simply through the use of a calorie tracking app, good weekly breakfast/lunch planning, and an ability to say "No!" to any treat that came my way. Honestly, it was going very smoothly. In fact, I would almost use the word easy.... but then December started. (This is where I throw up all my excuses).

Excuse #1: We Moved
To start things off, we moved into a new house on December 1st. While this was a good move for my long-term stress reduction (better schools, no condo neighbors, an ability to let the kids throw tantrums without the concern of pissing the neighbors off), it was not good for my waistline. I am not sure why, but whenever I end up in a new area for longer than three days (work or personal), I need to know who has the best donuts, pizza, and hamburger. Why I do this—I can't tell you—but I do not feel comfortable until I know these bits of critical information. In fact, it was actually the first question I asked the real estate person (damned the school systems... the kids can make due... where can I get a good long john). Finding out these nuggets of knowledge can not be obtained by just a survey—oh no—it requires hands on testing. Also, while I am no market research expert, I go by the rule of 3, which means that I need a sampling size of at least three locations to truly be able to make a definitive statement of who is best. And as my scale will tell you, the research went well. I am glad to report that the best donuts in the Geneva, Illinois area can be found at the Blue Goose grocery; the best pizza is at Rosati's (I actually like Aurelio's better, but Dumptruck doesn't, so he wins); and the best hamburger can be found at Stockholm's. The research could continue, but I think I am going to have to go with what I know for now.

Excuse #2: The Holidays Made Me Do It
It is a well documented fact that most people put on weight over the holidays. It all starts with a little indulgence at Thanksgiving that starts a slippery slide into holiday-goodness gluttony. Sugar cookies? Don't mind if I do. Treat basket from vendors? Don't mind if I do. Company christmas party appetizers, buffet, and treat table? Yes. Yes. And yes. Childhood desserts that you can only get on Christmas Eve? Well it would be rude not to. Christmas morning feast? Well what would Baby Jesus say if I did not partake on his birthday? And the goodness just keeps going until the last limp of piece of pizza is scarfed down on New Year's Eve at 12:32am.

Excuse #3: I Was Putting On Weight For A Role In A Hollywood Blockbuster 
I was up for a role where I played an out of shape father that fights crime while having to watch the children for the day. You see, the wife gets a last minute call to help her sister give birth in Toledo, and rather than let his wife know that he can't watch the children by himself, he tells her to go and that he will be fine. At first, the kids run all over him. In one particularly funny scene, the kids use HIS OWN handcuffs and restrain him to a chair. The middle boy (Jason, age 5) grills him over who took the last piece of cake, while the littlest boy (Blake, Age 4) sketches him like a courtroom artist, but does so with stick figures and cartoon bubbles that say things like "I stink.".  Just as he is getting the hang of it, a criminal mastermind, Chuck Larson,  that he had caught years before, breaks out of jail and kidnaps the oldest girl (Sally age 7). He hunts down the criminal while pushing a double stroller with Jason and Blake in it while making quips like "No baby, you have the right to remain silent." and "Now that is some disorderly conduct." I don't want to ruin the ending of it for you, but let's just say that he is going to have a hard time explaining to the wife where the kids are. In the end, I did not like the creative decisions that were being made (they tried adding a talking dog to the script... really?) and had to back out at the last minute. I have heard that Jim Belushi's people were circling the project. But now I have all of this weight to lose

So now that I am done with the excuses, I can let you know that I am back on track. I have not dared get on the scale yet (I will after a week of working out), but I don't think I actually did that much damage because my pants still button—and after the month I had—I will consider this a victory. I will keep you up to speed as the week progresses. Also, be on the lookout as I am planning on making a major announcement in the next couple of weeks that involves me, a physical challenge that I am no way properly prepared for, and a plan to become a "Tough Fadder". Stay tuned.

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