DadVersions: Because You Deserve 15 Minutes

Dadversions is our weekly contribution to keeping you sane. Every week we are going to collect our favorite random links that we think you will appreciate. So put the kids to bed, sit back and enjoy. You deserve it! Please be advised that you will be linking out to other sites that may be not suitable for work (NSFW) because of language or basic cable level of debauchery (what else would you expect from us), but we try to keep things pretty PG-15 here at StuntDad.

Videos For Your Viewing Pleasure:

• Mountain biker gets creamed by a wild buck
  
• If you haven't seen it yet, you have to check out Up All Night on NBC. It is the first show that actually is realistic about becoming a parent...well as realistic as you get on tv...ok it is funny...geez, just watch the show and laugh already
  
• Sad, but true
  
• Louie CK on picking children's names (totally NSFW due to language)
  
• Christopher Walken read the Three Little Pigs
  

Dad Related Links:

• Amazing new technology that could hopefully make it easier to identify concussions
• So what if your there kid is a honor student, your family has bbbbrrrraaaaiiiinnnnsss
• Somebody needs to call DCFS on these families
• Rainy day idea: Make Your Own Angry Bird Game
• If you have an ipad and you have little ones, you might need some help
• GeekDad always knows the coolest tunes for you and the little ones
• Ten tips to avoid the morning rush at home
• This dad is going to regret this when the kids puts him in a home twenty years from now

Random Links:

• How long could you survive after kicking a bear in the balls? Take the quiz and find out.
• Here is a good way to ruin your child's next history project. I present to you, Abe Lincoln Ghost Buster.
• It is never too early to teach your kids the fundamentals of both the alphabet and Star Wars
• When did Guns and Roses become Guns and Bloated...
• Great way to keep that cheap bastard from accounting from taking your lunch

Question of the Week: What is the one place you want to visit before you die? (without kids)

Here are ours:

• Stunt Chad: The St. Regis Bora Bora Resort
  This was the resort where they filmed Couples Retreat. While the movie left a lot to be desired, it definitely made me want to stay at the resort.
• Stunt Ben: Tignes Ski Resort, France
  This is supposed to be a great place to snowboard, check out the scenery and have drinks after cutting up some powder. They also provide lots of resources for the kids and have an ice rink for when you need a change of pave and want to fall down inside.
• Stunt Pete: Maldives
  Set off the coast of India, Maldives is an exotic paradise. Bright blue skies, all-year sunshine, white sand beaches, and supreme scuba diving in lagoons the temperature of bath water and the color of a Tiffany box.

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Walk Away Your Worries

Fatherhood = stress. Getting older, looking older, feeling older, kids calling you sir, teenagers calling you sir, adults calling you sir, old people calling you sir, paying the mortgage, wondering if you have the best mortgage, having a job, having to have a job, not always being able to hang with your friends, preferring hanging with your family than your friends, guilt for not wanting to hang with your friends, never being able to fix the house faster than others can break it, having to clean the house, wanting to clean the house, not being able to sleep because others can't sleep, doing your best to provide for others, hoping you are doing your best, wondering if you are indeed doing your best, never having a moments rest, wanting a moments rest, needing a moments rest...the list goes on for twenty or thirty years. But I am amazed at for 30, 60 or maybe even 90 minutes, all the stress, all the thoughts, all the worries can just melt away on a nice summer evening. When luck is on your side, the kids will nod off while they count the stars in the sky, a cool breeze will feed you smells that are not poop, puke, or something that has been between the couch cushions for 4 weeks and you will be able to enjoy the moment when everything seems calm and almost under control. Not every walk results in daddy nirvana. But when you get one that does, it makes a lifelong memory and all the frustrating walks well worth it. Try it. You'll like it.

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App of the Week: Weather Done Right

We all know the joke. Weather people get paid good money to be right once in while. We would all love that kind of leniency in our own jobs, or even better, with parenting. Parenting is not going to get easier, nor are weather people going to get more accurate. Fortunately, there is an app that replaces the weather person and it is available whenever you want it. The Weather Channel iPhone is awesome and it turned a potentially lame day into a bunch 'o' fun.

Yesterday, the weatherman said it was going to rain. But instead of trusting the weather dude, I bought the Weather Channels iPhone app. In minutes I got a detailed radar map that showing rain everywhere, but Monkey's favorite playground was going to stay dry. So we headed out sans umbrella and enjoyed a day of pushing trucks in the sand, rolling balls down slides and chasing each other around in circles.

So if you want to plan your days around the weather with tighter tolerances, get yourself the Weather Channels iPhone app.

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Munch's Hunches: NFL Week 6

Greetings StuntDad Nation and welcome to Week 6 of the NFL 2011 season.

Are the Buffalo Bills really in 1st place? Did LeBron James ask John Clayton about the NFL free agent signing deadline? Is Tim Tebow the next John Elway?

As Munch found out last week, it has been a tough season to predict. The little guy went 0 for 3 in his inaugural weekly pick 'ems, but he's confident to turn things around this week.

The Saturday Stuntline reads as...

The Early Game

• Match-Up: Philadelphia (1-4) at Washington (3-1)
• Rationale: 6 weeks ago, this game meant nothing. The "Dream Team" Eagles were assumably on their way to be 5-0 and Washington should still be looking for their 1st win. But—this is the NFL, where nothing is guaranteed, except that Howie Long will always be a douche and continue to think wearing glasses will make people forget that he was just one of those "dumb football players" from the 80s.
  
• Munch's Hunch: My Native American name is One Who Always Cleans His Plate. Go Redskins!
• StuntDad Diatribe: Sorry Kid, but your football betting name is One Who Needs to Study More Game Film. The Redskins have played 1 team with a winning record and Rex Grossman is still their quarterback. Bad Rex will show up and is good for 3 picks against a desperate—and pissed off—Eagle defense. Michael Vick will forget trying to inspire his teammates with his "great" dogfighting stories and take matters into his own hands. He's good for 4 touchdowns in this week's Tomahawk Bowl. Eagles cruise 31-17.

The Late Game

• Match-Up: Dallas (2-3) at New England (4-1)
• Rationale: Two quarterbacks, who spend more time on US Weekly covers than on their own playbooks, square off in one of the more interesting games of the week. High octane offenses and sub-par defenses make for a wild shootout.
  
• Munch's Hunch: Giselle is hotter than Candice. Go Patriots!
• StuntDad Diatribe: Kid, you're killing me, but you totally nailed (pardon the pun) the Wife-o-Meter. Folks, I think we've got a major upset in the makings. Dallas has beat themselves during each of their losses and they are better than their record indicates. I think Tony Romo plays his best game of the year and lights up the worst secondary in the league. You have to love Wes Welker though, who—on paper—has no business being in the NFL and really should be teaming up with Jillian Barberie and preparing for the Amazing Race's upcoming midget-themed season in 2012. I boldly predict that Welker gets knocked out of the game in the 3rd quarter with a concussion and Tom Brady's 28-game home winning streak comes to an end in this week's Shampoo Bowl. The 'Boys in a stunner: 30-28.

The Night Game

• Match-Up: Miami (0-4) at N.Y. Jets (2-3)
• Rationale: We flipped a quarter between the SNF and MNF games as they'll be as entertaining as the guy who is getting too fat and old to impersonate people on NFL Fox Sunday.
  
• Munch's Hunch: Dirty Sanchez makes me giggle. J-E-T-S! J-E-T-S! J-E-T-S!
• StuntDad Diatribe: Kid, I finally agree with you this week—on both accounts. Mexican Revolution moustaches never get old, and the Miami Dolphins are miserable. Their anAs much as I think Rex Ryan needs a muzzle and a retraining order against open-toed sandals, there's too much hot air in this hot air balloon of a man to screw up a victory in this week's I'd Rather Watch the Sing-Off Bowl. Jets in a blowout: 38-10.
  
  

Now, we turn to StuntDad Nation on your thoughts on these and other games from around the league. Likes, dislikes, hits, & misses?

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Bambi is a whaaaatttt?!??! SPOILER ALERT

Last night, Wifey and I introduced Munch to the wonderful world of Walt Disney.

What better choice to get an 18 month old interested in movies than the oldest, perhaps most popular, animated film of all time. The story of a young deer, growing up in the wild after his mother is shot by hunters.

The three of us settled into the couch. Pulled up the blankets. And became sucked into the forest with the seemingly 10 minute slow pan to start the movie.

And then, just like that - a bombshell was dropped on me. When the rabbits announce the birth of the prince of the forest is being born, I nearly choked on my popcorn.

In disbelief, I yelled, "What the f@#!???!"

Wifey scolded me, "Really? Was that necessary?"

I instantly grabbed for the remote, nearly elbowing Munch's head in the process. As I fumbled with the rewind button, Wifey asked "What the h#@! are you doing?"

I exclaimed, "I need to hear what Thumper just said!"

She said, "Calm down, you're scaring Munch."

I didn't care. Let him be scared. I had to know if I heard IT correctly.

When I replayed the scene and heard IT, I fell back into the couch and sighed. "...birth to the prince of the forest...". Prince. Equals son. Equals boy. You've got be shi#$ing me!

Bambi—was a boy?

The name that is now synonymous with stripper, porn star, hooker, girl gone bad, pole dancer is....based upon a sweet, innocent, little—boy deer?

When did our society take a hard left turn? Wow, I'm still reeling.

I know I'm usually the last to know everything, but really? Bambi—a boy?

Anyone else been living under a rock???

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Choose Your Own Adventure

This past weekend I didn't have anything planned, but I wanted to get Monkey out and about and wasn't feeling up to some of the usual's like the neighborhood playground. So instead we walked out the front door and I asked Monkey, "which way?". He pointed and we went. When we came up to the next intersection I asked again. Monkey enjoyed being in control of our journey and pointed us to many new adventures. I didn't have tickets, there was no parking meter, we had no schedule and were free to stare at ants for 15 minutes on the sidewalk or climb a tree. We spent 4 hours roaming aimlessly just enjoying each others company. And when we got home, we had lots of stories to tell mommy. Without Monkey's directions I never would have had a hotdog for breakfast, counted blue cars for 6 blocks, stopped to read the numbers on every front door and sing the ABC song to every dog

Next time you don't have a day planned out, try letting your child choose their day. To avoid the requests turning into trips to Disneyland or some other impossible last minute trip, just ask which direction they want to go, and let your feet follow their marching orders.

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Pumpkin Patch 101

Fall has arrived and with it comes lots of new opportunities to show your mad super dad skillz. Pumpkin Patchin' is a must do activity and can be fun for the whole family. But fail to plan and you will end up with pumpkin on yo face. Here's the Stunt 101 on Pimpin Pumpkin Patch.

The Early Bird Gets the Parking Spot

While the other birds break their strollers pushing their kids over an old corn field for a quarter mile. To avoid hearing your kid tell you that your driving sucks and request that mom take over the stroller duties, set the alarm clock, pack the car the night before with extra clothes, diaper bags, and strollers.


Make a Candy Contract Before Departure
Make an agreement with your little pumpkins before you set out. Let them know that if they are good they can 1 piece of sweet sugar goodness at the Pumpkin Patch, but that's it. Shake hands and seal the contract with a high five or bear hug.

There is a lot of temptation at the good ole' Pumpkin Patch including donuts, pie, pretzels, candy, candy corn, suckers, gummy bears and even funnel cakes. By setting up expectations in advance you may be able to reduce having to say "no" from 1,000 times to like 400 times. That is a 60% reduction in annoying and makes good business sense.

Be Prepared to Create Memories

Make sure your camera is loaded, charged, the SD cards are emptied and whatever else needs to be done to make sure you are ready to capture all the cute that is about to happen. The last thing you want is for the only picture of this year's fall trip to the Pumpkin Patch be that of your wife glaring at you with those "I married stupid" eyes. Ya, you know what I'm talking about.

Now go and plan some pickin and the pumpkin patch.

Other Pumpkin Patch suggestions are welcome. Please include them in the comments.

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Coolest Dad Ever: Tauntaun Sleeping Bag

As with any self respecting father born in the 70s, I have a responsibility to ensure that my son become obsessed with Star Wars like his old man. The brainwashing began before he was born when I tried to talk the wife into the names Boba or Darth (surprisingly, she had other ideas). After he was born, I made him up a number of onesies with iron-on print outs of most of the Star Wars universe (I probably shouldn't admit that. I am sure George Lucas is going to be knocking at the door any minute now).

As soon as he was old enough to watch a movie all the way through, I popped a sizable amount of popcorn and began the education by setting up a drive in theatre in the living room (o.k. it was just a blow up mattress, but he was 3) and showing him A New Hope. At first, I thought he was bored, but eventually he started to ask me questions (Who is that big doggy? Chewbacca. Why is that guy breathing so hard? Asthma. Did Han shoot first? Of course.) and I knew he was an eventual member of the Cult of Star Wars. We have since watched many of the films and continued to build our bond over Boba Fett and Bantha Fodder. That is why I was so excited to see the Tauntaun Sleeping Bag from the good folks at ThinkGeek.

For those of you unfamiliar (and how dare you for not knowing this), a Tauntaun was a two legged beast that looked like the result of a drunken night between a camel and a kangaroo. It was the primary transport for the Rebel Alliance on Hoth (if you don't know what I am talking about at this point, please turn off your computer and head to a store and buy the trilogy now). At a very pivotal point, Luke is lost in the snow and Han is sent out to look for him. He finds Luke almost frozen to death.The Tauntaun that Han was riding was done and it dies. In the ultimate symbol of friendship, Han takes Luke's lightsaber, splits open the side of the beast, and places Luke inside it's warm gooey goodness.

Now, thanks to the good folks at ThinkGeek, you can share this lesson of friendship and animal butchery with your children. Here is a description from their site:

In the sub-zero wasteland of the planet Hoth, only the strong survive... and of course those lucky Jedi protected by the thick skin of a Tauntaun. Now after exhaustive movie viewing research and analysis ThinkGeek Labs has isolated the exact synthetic compounds needed to re-create Tauntaun fur. What have we done with this supreme knowledge? Created a Tauntaun sleeping bag of course.

This high-quality sleeping bag looks just like a Tauntaun, complete with saddle, printed internal intestines, and a plush lightsaber zipper pull. Now when your kids tell you their favorite Star Wars movie is "Attack of the Clones" you can nestle the wee-ones snug in simulated Tauntaun fur while regaling them with the amazing tale of "Empire Strikes Back".

Use the plush lightsaber zipper pull on the Tauntaun sleeping bag to illustrate how Han Solo saved Luke Skywalker from certain death in the freezing climate of Hoth by slitting open the belly of a dead Tauntaun and placing Luke inside the stinking (but warm) carcass. If your kids don't change their tune on which Star Wars film is the greatest ever, you can do your best Jar Jar impression until they repent.

This is high on my list of must-have presents for this Christmas... and maybe I will get one for my son too. May the force be with you.

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