Dadversions: Because You Deserve 15 Minutes to Yourself

Dadversions is our weekly contribution to keeping you sane. Every week we are going to collect our favorite random links that we think you will appreciate. So put the kids to bed, sit back and enjoy. You deserve it! Please be advised that you will be linking out to other sites that may be not suitable for work (NSFW) because of language or basic cable level of debauchery (what else would you expect from us), but we try to keep things pretty PG-15 here at StuntDad.

Videos For Your Viewing Pleasure:

• Jimmy Kimmel asked parents to tape their children's response when they find out they ate all of their Halloween candy...and yes, crying ensues

• Here is a reminder of why you are not smart

• Do you know the guy code? If not, you need to..

Guy Code (for men only) - watch more funny videos

Dad Related Links:

• A reminder of the awkward moments you went through as a kid
• Do you think you are a driveway chalk Picaso....you got nothing on this guy
• A funny reminder of just how bad some dad's are at cooking

Random Links:

• When having a fresh brownie in 11 minutes just won't do
• Here is something to decorate the house with before family comes over
• I wish I would have thought of this...gift wrap for men
• It is starting to get cold outside, time to start preparing for the worst....heated socks
• Do you have an extra $60,000 laying around and dream of being the next Richard Petty

Question of The Week:

Congratulations! You have just found $5,000 and you can only spend it on something for you. Not something for the house. Not something for the kids. Not something for the wife... only you. So what is on the shopping list?

• Stunt Chad: I have always wanted a Vespa Scooter. I am not saying it is the coolest thing in the world, but it is something I have wanted since I was a kid. I also think that I would be the proud owner of on X Box...As you can tell, I do not want for much in this world.

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Adults Have Temper Tantrums Too!

The other day Monkey did not want to drive home from school. He demanded that we walk. Unfortunately for him and his demands, daddy was double parked and daddy didn't have the stroller. Walking wasn't an option...period. We sat on the steps for the next 15 minutes while he cried and I tried to bribe him promises of ice cream and the eventual adoption of puppies. He didn't budge. So finally daddy laid down the law. "Monkey, it's time to go. We have to get in the car, now." This did not go well. Monkey flipped, squirmed and cried. The scene ended in daddy carrying him to the car and him screaming "don't take me" as I put him into the car waiting for the police to show up and arrest me for abducting my own son.

Have you been the target of a terrible tantrum? The source of the supermarket scream fest? The victim of a full on, daddy I hate you and want to change my name to mommy's maiden name meltdown?  

A visit to kids health will tell you the obvious. Kids get frustrated because they can't control their environment, because they need attention or because they can't communicate what they want. WebMD also has a little advice on how to manage:

• Make sure Jr gets enough rest
• Look for things that might be stressing them out
• Don't react too strongly or give in.
•  After they calm down let them know that behavior is not acceptable

Dealing with a tantrum is never easy and no one is an expert. In the end all you can do is try your best not to freak out yourself like these grown adults did...on camera!

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Munch's Hunches: NFL Week 9

Week 8 resulted in two things: the Return of the Munch as he correctly guessed 2 out of the 3 games, but the loss of $45 in toys. For each correct guess, we have been rewarding Munch with a Star Wars action figure. However, it wasn't until this past Wednesday, when I noticed that Chewy, Jango, Dooku, Luke (Jedi version) and Han (Empire version) were missing. When I asked Wifey, she sighed and muttered, "Daycare." Apparently, my son has commandeered a corner of the daycare's play area into a mini-Bellagio. A toy workbench serves as a poker table, Plants vs. Zombies toys are used to replicate the Botanical Gardens, and he's convinced two girls to rhythmically shoot squirt guns in the air while humming Frank Sinatra. With Munch, Wifey and I have either assured him of a earning an invitation from the World Series of Poker or Intervention—or both.

The Saturday Stuntline is shaping up as...

The Early Game

• Match-Up: NY Jets (4-3) at Buffalo (5-2)
• Preview: The New York Jets aren't sure why they need to actually play on Sunday. Following their bye week, the New York Jets expressed confusion over having to travel to Buffalo this weekend. "I hope this is another one of Coach Ryan's goofy pranks, like the time he made us all practice barefoot during two-a-days, because a lot of these guys really liked sleeping in last Sunday," said quarterback Mark Sanchez, helping teammates onto their bus and gently escorting each of them to their assigned seat. "I bet, as we roll into Buffalo, Coach will try to actually get us off the bus. But—we are not going to let him. No way, no how. We love our Sunday mornings. And besides, it's the Bills." When it was mentioned that Buffalo was favored by 1.5 points, Mark laughed and rolled his eyes. "You guys are silly. Let me guess, they are in first place too?"
• Munch's Hunch: I'm all about the Benjamins baby. Go Bills!
• StuntDad Diatribe: Despite all of their losses coming on the road this year, their is too much at stake for the Jets to lose this one and too much pressure on Rex Ryan. Losing to the Bills will be devastating and likely ruin the Jets' playoff hopes. Look for the Jets to slow this game down, by running, running, and running the ball. Shonn Greene and LT will have big days against a poor run defense. And, Ryan Fitzpatrick will finally show the world two things: 1) why Harvard quarterbacks don't belong in the NFL and 2) why he's not worth $60 million ($60 million!!!!!!!) in this week's Pound the Ground Bowl. Jets trample Bills 28-17.

The Late Game

• Match-Up: Green Bay (7-0) at San Diego (4-3)
• Preview: Aaron Rodgers is furious with his own teammates. Sunday will be Rodgers' first regular season start against any team in his native state, but even the Super Bowl MVP is having a hard time securing ticket requests for family and friends. "For whatever reason, a lot of my 'so-called teammates' have requested tons of tickets, and they're not even from here. I'm disappointed, they know how much I like to show off for my mom," said Rodgers. "I love Greg Jennings and all, but he requested 2o tickets. He's from Michigan. Who the hell can he possibly know in California?" During Thursday's flight to San Diego, it was reported that Rodgers walked from player to player, jotting down their hometown and ticket request amounts. Additionally, Rodgers was overheard complaining to coach Mike McCarthy, "Coach, look at this. Lawrence Guy. Rookie. Defensive end. Requested 50 tickets! He's from Vegas for God's sake." McCarthy quietly informed Aaron that Guy's hometown was actually closer than Rodgers' (Chico, CA) by about 4 hours. For the remainder of the day, Rogers could be seen pouting in the hotel lobby wearing only the gold heavyweight championship belt that his 'teammates' gave him after winning the Super Bowl. Rodgers finally perked up a few hours later after learning the Packers cut Guy and gave Aaron half of the former lineman's tickets.
• Munch's Hunch: Surfs up San Diego. Go Pack Go!
• StuntDad Diatribe: Winning on the road in the NFL is tough. Winning on the road to a good team is even tougher, especially when your team's pass defense ranks near the bottom. Philip Rivers is poised to have a bounce back game and torch the Packers secondary. This should be a high scoring affair with both QBs reaching the +300 yard mark and 3 TDs each in this week's Top Gun Bowl. Chargers edge Packers 34-31.

The Night Game

• Match-Up: Baltimore (5-2) at Pittsburgh (6-2)
• Preview: Terrell Suggs got beaten up—by own his lips. After an overly excessive week of trash talking, the lips of Terrell Suggs had enough, as the star linebacker was forced to check into a Baltimore hospital to treat multiple wounds to the face. When pressed by the police, Suggs' lips said, "First he makes me announce that Sunday's match-up between the Ravens and Steelers will make the world stop. Then, I'm forced to say that it will make everyone's piss hot. And finally, I’m pressed to tell reporters that I have Ben Roethlisberger's ass in a mini-fridge down in the basement. How much crap did I have to put up with before I cracked?" The medical report indicates Terrell's lips became immensely swollen due to an allergic reaction to complete and utter bullshit, which allowed the lips to repeatedly slap their owner several times across the face, rendering the linebacker unconscious. No charges have been filed by the owner, although NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has summoned both Terrell and his lips to discuss this matter in greater detail.
• Munch's Hunch: Whose burger is it? Roethlisberger's!
• StuntDad Diatribe: Baltimore is old news. In fact, at this point in time, when a NFL player brags they are from the "U", they have to be old right? Bryant Mt. McKinnie, 33. Ed Reed, 33. Ray Lewis, 36. They won their Super Bowl 10 years ago (thank you, ahem, John Kitna) and will never win one again in my lifetime. Pittsburgh, on the other hand, just keeps doing it right, year after year. Their always steller defense is now taking a back seat to Big Ben and a young, fast receiving core. Watch for Mike Wallace and Antonio Brown to run circles around what was once, a very good Baltimore defense in this Out-With-the-Old-In-With-the-New Bowl. Pittsburgh shuts up Baltimore 31-21.

Now, we turn to StuntDad Nation on your thoughts on these and other games from around the league.

Likes, dislikes, hits, & misses?

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50 Rules for Dads of Daughters

As the father of a little girl, I can totally understand where they came up with the term "Daddy's Little Girl". I love my little Puddin'! That is why I absolutely love a fantastic post my wife shared with me from one of her favorite "mommy" sites, FromDatesToDiapers.com.

The post is titled 50 Rules for Dads of Daughters and it perfectly captures all of the things I think that a dad should try to be and all the things he should do for his little girl. Here are a couple of my favorite rules:

Rule #2. Always be there. Quality time doesn’t happen without quantity time. Hang out together for no other reason than just to be in each other’s presence. Be genuinely interested in the things that interest her. She needs her dad to be involved in her life at every stage. Don’t just sit idly by while she add years to her… add life to her years.

Rule #14. Buy her a pair of Chucks as soon as she starts walking. She won’t always want to wear matching shoes with her old man.

Rule #18. Tell her she’s beautiful. Say it over and over again. Someday an animated movie or “beauty” magazine will try to convince her otherwise.

Head on over to the site and check it out. If you are like me, you might need to have a kleenex ready....yeah, I cry every now and then. You got a problem with that? Oh don't you dare try to act all tough right now. I saw you at the end of The Field of Dreams. You were leaking like a fountain. And if I remember correctly, I had to pat you on the back and tell you that it was all ok..Sure, every once and a while I like to put on a silk robe, light a candle and really just have myself a big old cry. Who doesn't... ahhh...I mean, the last time I cried was when I broke both of my arms fighting a pack of angry bears ... well let's just pretend like that whole robe thing never happened. Go check out the link above and don't forget to tell your daughter she's beautiful.

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5 Tips to Surviving Your First Parent Teacher Conference...for Pre-School

I just jumped through the ring of fire and attended my very first parent teacher conference...for pre-school. Here are 5 tips to help you avoid certain death and potential parentry embarrassment.

1. Be On Time. Don't be late unless you roll in with a luggage bag and a cab receipt from the airport. It shows the other parents who the disorganized slackers are and they will ban Billy from playing with your kid.
2. Avert Thine Eyes. For some reason pretty young women like to teach kids. Good for them, bad for daddy. Look at your shoes and the artwork on the wall, because mommy knows she's hot and she's watching for your reaction.
3. Don't Sit Down. Those little chairs are dangerous! Teachers practice every day and make it look easy to sit on a miniature doll chair. But those chairs can dump you on your ass faster than Mike Tyson, and right in front of Ms Hottie.
4. Be In Agreement. If you have a serious issue to discuss with the teacher, it's a good idea to discuss with your wife first and make sure you two are the right page. There is nothing worse than starting a conversation with "I don't think Jr is getting enough attention" and having it end with "If you like Ms Hottie so much, why don't you marry her?".
5. Avoid accusations. Don't interrogate the other parents with the intent of finding out which one their little spawns pushed your kid down or brought the head lice into school for show and tell. Chances are those parents didn't show up...it's Ms Hottie's job to keep the kids in check and to keep the head lice outside wherever lice live.

For some more info and advice on parent teacher conferences you can also check out preschools4all.com.

Anyone else have parent teacher conference advice? Or maybe perhaps Ms Hottie's phone number?

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Penny Pinching Playtime: Paper Airplanes

Times are tight in the ol' Stunt Chad household and I am looking for every way to save a dime. Recently, I have started looking for ways to entertain the little ones that cost little to no money. What I am finding is that not only am I discovering a ton of things to do, but the kids actually like these activities more than the ones that cost a lot of money. I know this is cliche, but they truly do enjoy the box more than the toy... so why not play into that. Just last week, I introduced paper airplanes to Dumptruck (actually Special Agent OSO on the Disney channel did, but I was able to build on it—so take that you talking bear). The best thing was that we spent hours together hours folding pieces of paper and using our imagination... and daddy got to keep a couple of shekles in his pocket. Here are a couple of ideas of what to do:

• Build a couple of airplanes and color them. Be sure to add the appropriate amount of weaponry that your house allows.
• Set up a couple of targets (action figures, lego forts, bowls, etc.) and launch your airplanes from an area designated as your base.
• Hold a household flight distance contest. Use masking tape to mark distance and date. Keep them there for a couple of weeks to continue the fun. Feel free to move yours a little further after the kids go to bed.
• Try multiple folds to explore geometry and physics... and if you don't understand the geometry and physics, fake it. They're kids. They believe anything.
• Setup a life-like airport experience for your little one including an uncomfortable talking-down to from a slow TSA agent recently fired from McDonalds, families that have never traveled before so they try to bring a two-liter of Mountain Dew through security, the smell of feet that comes with the requirement to take your shoes off, the prerequisite that your child take off all metal items before playing with the planes, then a delay of at least an hour before they are allowed to actually play with the planes, the purchase of poorly made chachkis with the name of your town on them, a lunch of the most fattening food that you can slide down your gullet, the related Tums that follows said lunch, the announcement that you can now begin playing with the planes... but as your little one picks one up there is an announcement of another delay, the eventual ability to play with the planes with the requirement that your little one is forced to sit on half a couch cushion while your largest aunt sits next to him on the other half of the couch cushion while she tells him about her career in call center customer service, the forced viewing of old episodes of Friends, the eventual bumpy landing with a forced wait on the tarmac and the ultimate cab ride home. Junior is going to walk away and say "Look at me, I'm just like Daddy!!"

Here are a couple of resources for you to explore and build on the basic dart model that we were all raised with:

• Alex's Paper Airplanes
• Fun Paper Airplanes
• Amazing Paper Airplanes

Have any paper airplane ideas to share? Any other penny-pinching-playtime suggestions? Let us know.

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Miles Davis, Child Charmer

Last week was a typical day in the Stunt Ben household. Buddha was kicking and rolling around on a play mat and Monkey was building and wrecking marble machines (if you don't know what a marble machine is check this out). I was setting up Pandora on my internet TV, making my own ruckus. The first station I setup was Miles Davis and in seconds the room was filled with the child chilling sounds of "Freedie Freeloader (False Start)" from the Kind of Blue Legacy Edition. Almost immediately, Buddha calmed down and started to examine his hanging toys over the mat. Monkey grabbed the iPad and sat on the couch, surfing YouTube for marble videos. For about an hour all was cool and we just hung out, as if we were in a coffee shop or book store. I was amazed at how some cool jazz could calm the usual frenzy.

This got me thinking about the other benefits of music. We've all heard about how certain types of music can make the brain smarter, kids better in math and some of you may even be aware that in Ancient China a musical scale was imposed on the people that was void of dissonant intervals for fear it would invoke revolution.  The Catholic Church even called a certain interval (the flat 5) "the devils interval" which interestingly enough is prevalent in both metal and jazz today.

There is no denying the emotional rewards of music to children and adults alike. My experience with Miles Davis reaffirmed that music should be a part of both mine and my kids lives. But I wondered if the talk about music making us smarter or better in math also had any validity. I found an article at ScienceDaily.com that cites a study by some guys at the University of Vienna (they should know something about music). They debunked the so called "Mozart Effect" that listening to Mozart or classical music had any long term effects on the brain that could make a person "smarter" so there goes my $300 investment in the Baby Mozart videos.

I'm OK, that jazz, classical or any other music won't make me or my kids smarter or on the flip side motivate them to worship the devil. I think it better that music simply treats the heart and soul and I plan to give my kids a big dose of it whenever I can.

How about you? Do your kids have any favorite artists or albums for kicking back and relaxing?

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Girl Toys: What If I Don't Want My Puddin' To Be A Princess

Being the proud father of both a little boy and a little girl, I am always surprised about the lack of range in subject matter of girl toys. You can either get princess related items or "little mommy" toys. I am not sure what I am expecting, but it would be great to see some toys out there that don't try to sell my little Puddin' on the idea that her future has only one of two paths: having a baby or a taking a trip to Disney World. Not that there is anything wrong with either of these, I actually have done both and they were quite enjoyable (although somehow the trip to Disney World cost about the same as the price we spent to bring a human being into the world—but then again, our hospital did not have mascots you could get your picture taken with).

I want my daughter to grow up playing with a wide range of toys including blocks, science equipment, or imagination tools. Recently, I bought her a bunch of rubber lizards and snakes she wanted from Target (she is two... cut her some slack). Without any prodding from dad, she started playing veterinarian when we got home. I was so proud. With some careful purchasing, I'm hoping the Better Half and I can shape her into a well-rounded, reptile-lovin, doctor-aspiring, creative-thinking, young woman that is not just into what the TV tells her she should be. With so many bad options out there, I was happy to see that Huffington Post recently had a list of the 14 Worst Toys for Girls you need to check out. My personal favorites are:

Totally Tattoo Barbie

What a better way to ensure that your little girl ends up either on the back of a motorcycle at 16 or as the defendant in a petty assault and battery case than to get them started early on the glamorous world of tattooing at an early age. Please don't get me wrong, I think tattoos are amazing and beautiful—just as long as they are not on my precious daughter. Sure she could tell the world her personal philosophies by getting a Chinese symbol that she doesn't really understand on her lower back, but I hope that she will be able to do the same or better with her words or her writings.

Just For Girls Cleaning Trolley

Have little to no hope for your child? Can you already tell that they are destined for life in the janitorial services? Well good news—the folks at Just for Girls have designed a cleaning trolley for your little one to help them begin their exciting career path today. Imagine the fun that could be had with this little gem. Maybe you could hang your "cleaning required" sign on your bedroom doorknob when you leave in the morning—and when you get home, if the room is not cleaned, you can call her on her pretend phone and threaten to put her on notice if this happens again. Or you could go to the manager (your wife) and accuse her of stealing from your room. You can make "your little domestic servant" come in and try to explain where the change you left on the nightstand went while you were away. Or you could have her knock on your door every morning and say,"Housekeeping," and you can yell back, "Come back in an hour!" Oh the fun just keeps a coming...

I know the day will come where my little one will beg me for a Barbie... or God, even worse, a Bratz doll. And, I know I will cave (well not about the Bratz doll, I'll buy her a pony before I buy her one of those evil things). But for now, I have this beautiful empty brain of hers to fill and I am going to try not to taint it for as long as can.

Do you have any suggestion for good girl toys? What girl toys do you hate?

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