Product Review: Swoop Bags

My wife recently found an interesting product called Swoop. And in all honestly, I am not sure if it is a smart idea or just swoopid (see what I did there). Swoop Bags are designed to be a one-stop toy storage area and play area for all of those little pieces of plastic that somehow seem to flood out of the little one's room. Made out of high quality cotton canvas and nylon cording, the bag/play around is made for quick access and storage.

The thing I am struggling with is whether or not the same outcome could be accomplished with a couple of $5 laundry bags. Also, what are you going to do with this large lump of plastic toys? Maybe future models will integrate a bean bag feature, but right now, it just looks like another pile of stuff to jam into someplace else. This idea might be a better solution when my little one turns 18 and I throw all of his stuff into a Swoop and chuck it into the front yard. At this point, for $45, I think I am going to have to vote Swoopid.

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Shirt of the Day: World's Greatest Dad

Sure he led the massacre of the Jedi, let his wife die of a broken heart because of a lie told by an old man and might have also been partially responsible for the death of millions on Alderran...but given the chance, he would have been the World's Greatest Dad!  If you are a father and Star Wars fan, then Woot! has an awesome shirt today that you have to check out!

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Munch's Hunches: NFL Week 10

One step forward, two steps back. Munch dropped 2 out of 3 games in Week 9, but insists it had nothing to do the amount of time spent gambling and playing poker at daycare. Because of his disappointing weekend, I felt it was time to have "the talk." The talk every father has with their son about identifying a 4 year old girl's tell, reiterating that it's never safe to bluff more stuffed animals that you can't afford to lose, and when you're dealt pocket aces—try not to giggle and under no circumstances, never wet your diaper. While his Texas Hold 'em focus has benefited from our sit down, let's hope it carries over to Sunday.

The Saturday Stuntline is shaping up as...

The Early Game

• Match-Up: New Orleans (6-3) at Atlanta (5-3)
• Preview: Drew Brees' mole is interfering with the Dirty Bird dance. During Wednesday's press conference, quarterback Drew Brees confirmed that the birthmark on his right check was prohibiting the flapping of his right arm to act like a wing. "I really like the idea of showing up the other team anyway possible, and I thought this could really piss off Roddy White," said Brees, "Turns out this damn mole keeps preventing full wing flappage." Brees then raised his arm to demonstrate the issue and everyone in the room cringed at the sound of it. A reporter later compared it to scrapping roadkill off the pavement. Several Saints trainers also agreed and confirmed that Brees can expect severe chaffing of the forearm if he continues his attempt to master this dance. One trainer explained, "That thing on his face—it's friggin' disgusting. Like a damn turd that will never flush. He keeps practicing that ridiculous dance and his arm—or his face—is going to fall off by halftime."
• Munch's Hunch: Me no likey poopy on faces. Go Falcons!
• StuntDad Diatribe: New Orleans playing with a chip on its shoulder since losing to St. Louis two weeks ago and they will come out firing against Atlanta. Darren Sproles is finally being used in the right system and should have a monster game catching dump-offs from Brees and running wild on a weak Falcon linebacker unit. If the Saints can make Atlanta pass early and abadone Michael Turner, consider the Falcons clipped in this week's Southern Shootout Bowl. Saints Go Marching On The Falcons, 34-31.

The Late Game

• Match-Up: Detroit (6-2) at Chicago (5-3)
• Preview: Brian Urlacher quits his 2nd job as a private dancer. After Monday's shocking win over the Philadelphia Eagles, the Chicago Bears found themselves back in the NFC playoff hunt, which—for Brian Urlacher—caused the star middle linebacker to quit his night job at Larry's Sugar Shack. "After we lost to the Lions last month, we knew we hit rock bottom as at team. Losing to them is a lot like the male escort business. Once you go down, there's really no looking up after that," said Urlacher. "Each year at this time, a few guys always hang up their cleats and look for additional sources of income. Jay Cutler was a spokesman for Nut Liquor last year and even Mike Martz was a stand-in for Robin Williams as Mrs. Doutbfire the year before that." The owner of Larry's Sugar Shack, Lawrence Wilson, confirmed Urlacher's departure while also adding, "Our door is always open. I don't discriminate against starting players or bench players. If you can dance, you will dance. And, you can't beat the pay: 15 bucks an hour and free buffets. I'll tell you though, those football players sure can eat!" Although Larry acknowledges his business booms as more NFLers show up, he also admits to taking large hits on pork and beef sales.
• Munch's Hunch: I love anything sugar! Go Bears!
• StuntDad Diatribe: Beating the Eagles in Philly, on Monday night, after some struggling games will give the Bears so much momentum that Detroit won't have a chance. Last time these teams met, Jhavid Best went nuts. He is ruled out and with it, go any chance the Lions have against the streaking Bears in this week's Cage Match Bowl. Bears maul Lions 27-17.

The Night Game

• Match-Up: New England (5-3) at New York Jets (5-3)
• Preview: Vince Wilfolk already misses his buddy Albert. On Wednesday morning, the New England Patriots cut one-time Pro Bowler Albert Haynesworth, causing great sadness with Patriot defensive lineman Vince Wilfolk. "I will definitely miss him. In the six games that he actually played in, he served as a tremendous distraction. Belicheck told him, 'When they hike the ball, don't move, don't say nothin, and show absolutely zero effort.' Teams would think that an overpaid, overweight, overhyped guy like Al would actually make a difference. That's why Bill is a genius. He forced the big fella to be lazy, uninterested, and just all around pathetic, and it worked. Got me two sacks against Miami!" Wilfolk said. Upon hearing this, Rex Ryan told reporters, "That probably explains OchoCinco's performance, guess I have a lot to learn when it comes to strategy." Ryan later confessed that under no circumstances whatsoever is any Jet to guard OchoCinco, even if he's in the end zone. "Looks like Bill isn't the only one who knows football strategy."
• Munch's Hunch: J-E-T-S! J-E-T-S! J-E-T-S!
• StuntDad Diatribe: Both teams have been horribly inconsistent and sometime look like playoff teams and bottom feeders the other. Tom Brady will conduct an air assault on a below average Jets team. Look for Wes Welker to own the Jets as their corners won't be able to guard the quick ins and outs that make Welker such a threat. The running game for the Jets will continue to struggle and the offense simply isn't good enough in this Who's For Real Bowl. Patriots ground Jets 38-21.

Now, we turn to StuntDad Nation on your thoughts on these and other games from around the league.

Likes, dislikes, hits, & misses?

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Don't Die Daddy Initiative: 6 Months to a Healthier Happier Me

I had a horrible realization the other day...I'm not 17 anymore. I was walking past the bathroom mirror and almost tackled the fat balding intruder I thought had broken into our house. As I stepped back and took a good look at the man in the mirror...I have to say I was not happy with what I saw. How the hell did this happen? Wasn't I just that young svelt buck that all the ladies were in love with (at least that it is what I thought when I was 17)? I will admit I have been hard on my body for the last 15 years. I use to proudly say there was not a buffet that I could not take down. And my declaration when it came to drinking was "Who else is in it to win it?". But damned, I didn't think I had let myself go that far.

Sure I always thought I could stand to lose a couple of pounds. Maybe make the next family photo something I could look at and not see my belly. Or make the morning wrestling match with the pants a little easier to win. But now I was looking at a man that had clearly let things go. Now do get me wrong, I am not "I need a Rascal to go shopping" fat, just middle aged fat. The kind of fat where you no longer have time to think about working out, eating right or any other self improvement area because you are focused in on paying bills, wiping butts and worrying about the future.

But now being a father, my thoughts have started to move past the vanity aspect of it and focus more on the long term implications to my health and what that could mean for my kids. I don't want to be a fat dad. I don't want my kid's to be embarrassed when I come waddling into their school. I want to be the healthy and active dad that takes the kids outside and does fun "outdoorsy" activities...not the dad that gets out of breath taking the stairs at the mall.

According to the Journal of the American Medical Association; Jan. 7, 2003, Annals of Internal Medicine, people who are overweight (aged 40) are likely to die at least 3 years sooner than those who are normal weight. In terms of life expectancy, being fat during middle age is on a par with smoking. Overweight, non-smokers lost an average of three years and obese male non-smokers lost 5.8 years....almost 6 years. 6 flipping years!!! That is 2190 days. That is 52, 560 hours. That is 3,153,600 minutes. I mean we are talking about 189,216,000 seconds.

And let's be honest folks, I am sure my weight is not the only thing that is not optimal when it comes to my health. I am sure I have done my fair share of damage to my liver over the years. And I am sure that the eye twitch that pops up every now and then is trying to tell me that my stress levels are not in the "good" spectrum.

But be warned, before you go out and try to put a life insurance policy out on me in some sort of get rich scheme, I have been spending the last couple of months trying to get the eye twitch and the liver back in check. About six months ago I started seeing a therapist about my stress and also quit drinking. These are two major pre-emptive victories in my battle to improve my health. These wins have inspired me to embark upon a 6 month's plan that I am calling the Don't Die Daddy Initiative. Over the next 180 days I will be doing everything I can to improve my overall physical and mental health. I will be focusing in on the following areas:

• The Gut
  My physical health including my weight, my baseline metrics and my physical fitness levels
• The Strut
  My mental well being and the pursuit of the man I want to be
• The What
  My understanding and appreciation of what it is I am actually living for

I know that this process will not be easy, but I really need to make an effort to ensure that I am around for my wife and kids. So please join me on this journey and if I motivate you to start your own initiative...even better if.*

*Legal Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, a physical therapist, dietician or professional rabbit breeder. All comments, suggestions or general thoughts from this initiative should be viewed as entertainment. Please seek professional advice before starting any initiative.  

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MacGuyver: Improvised Baby Cam using Facetime

As the resident tech guy at Stunt Dad I like to find interesting and unique ways to integrate technology into daddyhood. And while there is no app that will replace daddy, there are some crazy cool tools to help elevate your game. This baby cam idea was a last minute improvisation to keep a watchful eye on Buddha while drinking a cold one out on the porch. Please note: also works as nanny cam, plumber cam, mommy cam and goth teenage baby sitter cam.

Ingredients:

• 2 Apple devices of any combination of either iPhone 4s, iPad 2s, or a Macs with video camera installed
• WiFi network
• 2 Facetime accounts

Instructions:

1. While away from the baby, use Facetime to call one of the devices from the other.
2. Turn down the volume on one of the devices and place it with the the video cam facing your sleeping baby. This way you can hear them, but they can't hear you.
3. Finally, take the other device out to the back deck with your friends while you keep a eye on your little one all comfy and cool inside. But remember if you exit the WiFi area of coverage, your call will be terminated.

Other homemade baby cam ideas? Let us know how in the comments.

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Product Review: Baby Jogger City Select Stroller

I don't always agree that bigger is necessarily better.

It would be nice to live in a house, but I have a 1 bedroom condo. It would be nice to listen to music through a surround sound speaker system, but I have a computer. It would be nice to watch television on a projection TV that rivals a movie theater, but have a small flat screen TV.

However, when it came to pushing my son (and soon to be daughter) around, I selected the biggest, baddest baby stroller I could find: the Baby Jogger City Select Stroller. And, nothing could be better.

Everything about this stroller is big. And nowhere else is its presence felt more—than at the playground. It's the stroller that scares the children. It's the stroller that dads envy. It's the stroller that moms want to look at it, touch, and take for a test drive.

• It's the SUV of strollers
• It's the Big Bertha of baby carriers
• It's the Cadillac of child transportation

And, apparently, it's features are meant to embarrass, rile, flaunt, and intimidate.

• Tires which could make my small-car-owning co-worker blush (12" rear tires, 8" front tires)
• An underneath basket which could make my recycled-grocery-bag-toting neighbor bitter (~2' wide by ~3' long)
• A primary seat which could make my lazy-boy-reclining uncle envious (4 different positions with a padded, adjustable, 5-point harness for safety)
• A standing stroller height which could make my undersized-over-compensating-muscular neighbor envious (41".5 stroller height)

The stroller is big enough to accommodate up to two children, using 16 different seat combinations, and adaptable for a car seat or bassinet. To be fair though, with big power comes big responsibilities. The price tag comes with a premium at $400 and, when folded, is the size of a preschooler measuring 28" long x 25" wide. But, its also considerably less and more functional than the Uppa Baby or other yuppie strollers of the world.

I am fully aware that there are people who strongly dislike the mere thought of a monster motorcage meandering through sidewalks or shopping malls, but I am ok with that. This is my 4 bedroom house. My Bose speakers. My personal movie theater.

And it's big. Really, really big. And, I wouldn't have it any other way.

What is one of your BIG things?

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App of the Week: PhonyPhone

I have had a couple of close calls (ah haha) when giving my phone to a child. My boss has been dialed at 5:30am and told "I made poopy", a work email was responded to with the career escalating response: "K assface" and at least thirteen calls have been made to 911 (they now know Monkey by name and my cell is on the bad daddy list). So I'm kicking myself for not thinking of this idea long ago, ladies and gents I present to you...PhonyPhone! This amazing (and FREE) little app turns your phone into a fake phone. Yea. A phone without the ability to call the cops, or your boss or make long distance calls to China.

And for the creative criminal, PhonyPhone is a great training tool for your little accomplice to learn helpful ways to get daddy out of trouble.

When the boss calls: "Hello, daddy not home, he went to work early. He works all the time. Why you not let daddy play with me."

To the resident telemarketer: "Daddy not have credit card. Bad man stole his wallet and punch him in eye."

To Mother In Law: "Daddy think you so pretty and nice".

For the dads on the up and up, PhonyPhone also helps teach numbers by showing the word spelled out along with a nice voice (Stunt Chad likes to call her Linda). Linda says the number out loud helping Jr learn the names and spellings of the numbers. And if you press the talk button Linda also says hello. There is also a button that plays laughter and another that plays Mary Had a Little Lamb in phone tones, which is totally annoying so your kid will love it. The best part of PhonyPhone is that it is free. So check it out now in the Apple App Store. PhonyPhone. Pin It Now!

Get a Black Belt in Fatherhood from Bruce Lee

I couldn't sleep the other night, so I went out in the living room to watch a little late night tv. As I was flipping the channels, I stumbled upon a 2:00am showing of The Green Hornet. Not the flaming piece of poo that was the recent Seth Rogan version (come on man, am I really supposed to believe the stoner from Knocked Up is an action hero). I am talking about the good old school tv show with Bruce Lee as Kato.

As a kid, I was fascinated with Bruce Lee. He always seemed to look like he was at peace, but could snap and kick your head off if he wanted to. He was the very definition of swagger. Seeing him on tv that night reminded me of a book I read about him when I was a kid. The book was filled with his quotes that I keep in mind when encountering problems or contemplating situations. I started to think about how these phrases could be applied to my new found role of fatherhood. So here are 5 steps to getting your very own black belt in fatherhood courtesy of Bruce Lee:

• White Belt: “As you think, so shall you become"
  Being a father is difficult, stressful and could potentially be one of the hardest things you will ever do. It is easy to fall into a pattern of thoughts of depression and anger. Stop. As you are finding out, the only thing you can control is how you choose to respond to stuff. If you pollute your mind with angry thoughts, guess what...you are only going to be more angry. If you constantly think about how difficult your life is, congrats my friend, life just got more difficult. I am not saying that you need to be a walking hug machine, but I will say that a key to not driving yourself crazy is realizing that you need to focus on the good things and enjoy the ride.
  
  
• Yellow Belt: “It’s not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.”
  Here is a simple formula that I am sure you all know by now: KIDS + STUFF = CHAOS. Our house is filled with more dolls, specialty child seating, art supplies, toy cars, action figures, sippy cups, little coats, little shoes little shirts, little shoes, little socks and more. I sometimes come home at night and the house looks like we have been robbed. Mix this scene with the stress from the day and daddy's reoccurring eye twitch can kick into high gear. So what is a dad to do? Get rid of it all. There are several things that we have implemented to limit the clutter and remove the unessential. My wife and I recently made a pact. No more stuff. If something comes in, then something goes out. We also have invested in lots of bins that we are trying to train the kids to put their things into when they are done playing. (They don't do it, but it at least makes our nightly clean up easier). And finally, we have instituted a no useless items rule. This means that if we go on a trip, we try to get the kids to pick a souvenir that has a daily use outside of making me ask questions like "Did we really need two sombreros?".
  
  
• Orange Belt: “If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done.”
  Nike had it right, just do it. Your children have now taken about 98% of your free time. You can no longer afford the luxury of "thinking" about things. If you want to do something, you need to do it. Want to repaint the garage? Do it. Want to take a class at night? Do it. Want to start training to become the world's toughest ma?. Get yourself to your local MMA training facility. All of these things can easily be on the good old to do list for the rest of your life if you don't just get off your duff and do it. You will find a thousand reason why you can't, but the truth is, you can always make things work. It also sets a good role model for your kids to see that if they want to do things, it is as easy and just doing it. Plain and simple.
  
  
• Blue Belt: “A good teacher protects his pupils from his own influence. ”
  I call this one the "don't create a clone" rule. You and your wife have created this amazing little being that is a blank slate. Don't make a photocopy. Allow them to grow and find out who they are. Are you a country music loving cowboy? Well don't forget to expose them to the Beatles. Do you hate theatre? Guess who is heading to the next local theatre production with little Timmy. If your kids should decide that they are destined for a different path than you are comfortable with, then you have to give them the opportunity to walk it...and you better be about two steps behind to protect them from anything they might encounter along the way.
  
  
• Green Belt: “Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.
  You have no clue what you are doing. None of us do.We are all just making it up as we go along. I can remember the first couple of months after Dumptruck was born. I was tired, angry and on the edge of losing it on a dime...o.k. I will admit it, I was losing it all the time. The pinnacle moment of my "loseingitdom" was a night that the little guy cried for about three hours straight from 1:00 till 4:00 am. I remember taking his pacifier and throwing it across the room and asking "What the (insert curse word of your choosing) do you want from me?". As I did this, I could see myself from above like I was having an out of body experience. Here I was yelling at a baby that had no clue what was going on and I was looking like an a-hole while I was doing it. Needless to say, I was ashamed of myself. I had to admit that my anger and how I was handling the situation was a mistake. This actually allowed me to be more mindful of future situations and properly address them.
  
  
• Brown Belt: “Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves."
  Pssst...I want to share a secret with you. You are not really in charge. Your child has grabbed hold of the control in your relationship and he or she is wielding it like a Samurai warrior wields a sword. The more that you try to rigidly exert your "fatherly" duty, the more they are going to going to stubbornly fight back . The more you make definitive statements ("Do this or else), the more they are going make your life hell. The trick is to melt and let the tantrums wash over you. Let them take the lead and when they least expect it the answers will reveal themselves.
  
  
• Black Belt: “The key to immortality is first living a life worth remembering."
  Your children are a walking reflection of the life you lead. In the end, the only thing that your kids will care about is the dad they have, not the stuff they have. Focus your energies on making sure they know that they are the greatest accomplishment that you have ever had. That they have changed you into a more appreciative, caring and understanding human being. Be the type of dad that they will gladly tell their friends about when they are older. Do things with them that will make the other kids jealous. Be great. Be amazing! Be a father.

So do you think you are ready to earn your black belt? If so, share with us your stories.

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