Keeping Christmas From Turning Into Crapmas

We are only a couple of weeks from a magical time of year. A time where people are a little nicer, when the weather is little colder, and when daddy is a little poorer. Every year we always say "Let's not waste any money this year." and "Let's make sure we only buy what we need." But somehow we always end up about $500 lighter and a house filled with plastic crap that will soon be making it's way to the back of the closet. But things are going to be a bit different this year...we have a plan. Here is how we are approaching holiday shopping this year:

1. Give Them Something They Want. Fine. I get it. They really want that new transforming robot unicorn that shoots play dough out of his horn when you squeeze it's tail. They have only been telling me about it every time that commercial comes on tv. Yes. I know that it is going to break 10 minutes after they open it. Yes. I know that I will spend an hour trying to find that one random microscopic accessorie that came with it. Yes. I know that they will forget about it in a week and start playing with the left over wrapping paper tubes. But I love them—and if it makes them happy—then I am good with it. 
2. Give Them Something They Need. Sometimes the best things are things they can't even think of even if you ask them. Start thinking about what it is you have noticed that they need (education games or drawing supplies) or maybe something you think they need to help them start a new hobby or area of interest (sports equipment or musical instruments). It might not be the big winner on Christmas Eve, but in the long run, I can bet you dollars to donuts (I believe that with the weak economy the conversion rate is 2 dollars to every donut) that this will get more use than the toy they wanted. 
3. Give Them Something to Wear. Kids never get excited about clothes. Tough. You can't have your little ones walking around looking like extras from Oliver Twist. So get your kids some cool gear (perhaps something from the StuntDad Stuff store – coming January 2012).
4. Give Them Something to Read. Reading is fundamental and can actually be kind of fun. Depending on the age, a book is a great gift that can start a lifetime of entertainment. For toddlers, start thinking about specific areas of development that you are interesteed in having them build upon. For 5-8 year olds, I highly recommend starting a series like Captain Underpants. And for 8 an above, start looking into chapter books like Sisters Grimm Fairy Tale Detectives or Alex Ryder Spy Series. 
5. Give Them Something to Experience. Some of the best gifts in this world never come in a box. There are so many better things to spend your money on than "stuff".  Think about things that you would like for them to experience, such as a trip to the circus, a day at the museum, or maybe even a trip to an indoor waterpark. While these might not be traditional "gifts", these are the type of things that your child will remember later on in life. 
6. Give Them Something to Provide Perspective.  It easy to get caught up in the "I want" mindset this time of year, but I think it is important that children understand that not everybody is that lucky. Some folks are struggling out there and could use a little help. I think it would be a great idea to have your kids participate in a Toys for Tots program or maybe go to a local shelter and pass out something small to all of the kids (Matchbox cars are only $1 and you can get dolls from the Dollar Store). Or maybe even just scheduling time after Christmas to sit the kids down and explain to them that some kids don't have toys and that we need to go through ours and find toys that we don't play with anymore that we can give to those kids. 

Do you have any tricks to keeping Christmas under control? Any ideas that you want to share? 

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Munch's Hunches: NFL Week 14

Just 18 months into life, Munch joins a very impressive club. Babe Ruth. Joe Namath. Muhammed Ali. One called it. One spoke it. One shouted it. These 3 legends all guaranteed victory and backed it up. And after correctly predicting a clean sweep in Week 13, Munch has become the William Wallace of the Midwest daycare community.

• "I heard he's 4 feet tall!" exclaimed Timmy Teigs of Gurnee, IL.
• "Gambles Disney DVDs by the hundreds," said Clark Randshacky of Iowa City, IA.
• "Consumes kids toys with fireballs from his eyes, and bolts of lightning from his diaper," stated Frankie Ruiz of Elkhorn, WI.

Munch's legend is growing each week with every correct pick he makes. It was reported earlier this week that Munch sat down fellow Darling Angels daycarer, Carter Casey, and explained to him the fundamentals of Black Jack. "Munch pointed to Carter's head saying, 'First, learn to use this,' then, he gestured to a deck of Dr. Seuss playing cards stating, 'Then, I'll teach you to use this," accounted Vanessa Calloway.

The Saturday Stuntline is shaping up as...

The Early Game
Match-Up: Atlanta (7-5) at Carolina (4-8)
Preview: Cam Newton kicked off plane for playing Words With Friends. Rookie quarterback made a rookie mistake earlier this week. Carolina Panther quarterback, Cam Newton, was thrown off a Southwest Airlines flight for playing a popular video game called Words With Friends. In a bold statement by Bill Kearney, the Southwest Airlines CEO appeared outraged saying, "Betty Sylvester, one of our legacy attendants of 25 years, saw what Mr. Newton did first-hand. She saw him completely pass up (pause) a triple letter, triple word play. And, what's worse, he did it on purpose! Betty confronted him and asked him what the hell he was doing. Mr. Newton shrugged it off. He said 'To me, QIS is not a real word' and he completely shrugged it off. Like it was no big deal. Like it was some—some video game. I spend more time playing WWF than time with my own kids, and for someone with Cam's opportunities in life to just—just dismiss QIS because he doesn't feel it's really a word? Who does he think he is? Earth to Cam, it's (expletive) WWF. We're not curing cancer here. Screw the damn honor code!! Quite frankly, its a direct slap in the face to anyone who plays the gamete right way. I'm proud of Betty and our airline to stand up to these 'people' who think they are better than the rest of the world. The world who have the opportunities to play Xi and score 34 points, but voluntarily choose not to. It (expletive) pisses me off." The day after his rant was made public, Kearney was fired immediately.

Munch's Hunch: Go Cam Go! Go Panthers!

Stunt Dad Diatribe: The Falcons are in deep trouble as they face a hot Panther team and have been up and down all season. However, Cam Newton is good, but won't be good enough on Sunday. The veteran Falcon team will come together and make one final push for the playoffs. Roddy White will be a mega-force with +100 yards and 2 touchdowns in this week's Southern Gumbo Bowl. Falcons cage Panthers 34-28.

The Late Game
Match-Up: Chicago (7-5) at Denver (7-5)
Preview: Chicago Bears defense not playing until 4th quarter. "We are playing the odds," said Pro Bowl linebacker Lance Briggs. "And going off their track record, we feel we can squeeze in some sightseeing for the first three quarters, then show up in the 4th. Heck, I've always wanted to try snowboarding." Cornerback Charles Tillman is taking a different approach, "Those guys (Briggs) are crazy. They are going to be exhausted with all that physical activity. I'm going to lay low in my hotel room and just get high. Like really, really high. I mean, its Denver, what else is there to do but get high?" While players are finding other things to do than to get high, from lunching at the original Chipotle to learning how to Hackey Sack, there is surprising little concern about the Broncos playing against absolutely no defense for three quarters. Head Coach Lovie Smith endorsed the mindset, "We all know that God only cares about the 4th quarter. It's evident in evey game Tebow plays in. No one likes to watch a blowout, not even the big guy upstairs. He'll keep it close, and its up to us to win the last 15 minutes of the game." Coach Smith said he was considering checking out the newest Mission Impossible movie which opened Friday.
Munch's Hunch: Daddy's gonna be at this game. Go Bears!
StuntDad Diatribe: The Bears are hurting. No Cutler. No Forte. No chance. Caleb Hanie has thrown for more interceptions than first downs in the past two games. I'm no statistician, but that doesn't bode well. Meanwhile, "Touched by an Angel (and thankfully not by his college coach) Tim Tebow has led the Broncos to a 6-1 record and captured the attention of the entire NFL. The Broncos defense has repeatedly bailed out the only man who can 'touch MC Hammer' and will doso again in this week's Mile High Bowl. Broncos hibernate Bears 24-21.

The Night Game Match-Up: New York Giants (6-6) at Dallas (7-5)

Preview: Tony Romo offering millions to change Sunday's date. He begged the Dallas Post. He pleaded with Governor Rick Perry. He appealed to President Obama. But, alas—his efforts to date have gone in vain. What could be so important you ask? The answer is the date of Sunday's night's game between the NY Giants and Dallas Cowboys. December 11. 2011. No, this has nothing do with some bizarre tie to 9/11. It has everything to do with that word. That terrible, horrible, no good, very bad word. A word so terrifying that it makes Tony Romo tumble, fumble, and crumble under pressure. Say it with me now: De-cem-ber. Sends a chill down your spine just looking at it, doesn't it? Well, it does more than that to Tony—in fact, it downright removes his spine altogether. Yanks right out of his back. It's a word that has caused Romo to go 7-10 during the most critical month of the year, just after the month of November when has a record of 19-2. As the Cowboys look to hang on to first place against the rival Giants, its been reported that Romo has been calling anyone and everyone to change the date of Sunday's game. "He called in absolute hysterics, babbling about changing Sunday's date to November 11, 2011.—just for the day," noted Presidential Secretary, Patti Gillroy. " He sounded like a damn heyna. It was the desperate act of a desperate man." Several anonymous sources have reported that he offered $1 million dollars to Rick Perry's presidential campaign as well as naming rights to his unborn girl. Romo was quoted as saying, "We are expecting a baby girl next year, but I'm not opposed to naming her Rick Romo if need be."

Munch's Hunch: Rick Perry is a weirdo. Go Cowboys!
Stunt Dad Diatribe: December, December, December and Tony Romo. Giants overpower Cowboys in this week's Short But Simple Bowl. Giants lasso Cowboys 28-27.

Now, we turn to Stunt Dad Nation on your thoughts on these and other games from around the league.

Likes, dislikes, hits, & misses?

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100 Days For My Baby Girl: Week 4

Week 4

The fourth week of parenthood is a major milestone for several reasons. Your baby is no longer a newborn, he or she is starting to react to his or her surroundings, and you've managed to avoid hitting, dropping, or throwing said baby for an entire month. You deserve a huge CONGRATULATIONS! That is no easy feat, my friend! On a more serious note, you've likely noticed some major changes with baby. Baby has gone from looking like Benjamin Button to someone who is starting to showcase family features: mom's nose, grandma's lips, daddy's ears, etc. Baby has started to coo, grunt, and/or hum, which, hopefully, will bring out your inner-silliness and you start mastering the goo-goo's and gah-gah's as you interact with your little one. And then there is playtime—having shapes and sounds for him or her to look at, swat at, or listen to. Lots of changes are happening with baby, both physically and mentally. And unless you plan accordingly, its easy to miss it. So, Week 4 is going to be all about observation. You've all seen the movie Gorillas in the Mist, haven't you? It's gonna' be a lot like that. I even bought a fog machine. And I'll be damned if any poachers are gonna' get to MY baby! Anyway, here are two things I'm planning on doing:

#1: Monthly Photo Journal

You will taken a million pictures during baby's first couple of years, maybe even two million. You will have pictures of baby sitting, standing, crawling, walking, laughing, crying, and countless other actions. However, the one thing Wifey and I noticed our son's photos didn't include was an action we wish we would have captured: growing. Sure, scanning through iPhoto has all our of pictures organized by date that could reflect our son's evolution, but it lacks a monthly consistency that would have been nice to capture. April pictures would show him wrapped up like a burrito, May would show him sleeping, June would show him spread eagle and so forth. With K2, I'm taking a more structured approach. On her monthly birthday until she is 2 years old, we will take photos with the following criteria:

1. Awake --> seeing eyes proves to the world that baby is alive and well; take it from me, its embarrassing when friends or family looks at a picture of your baby whose eyes are closed and they poke the picture in an attempt to see movement
2. Looking directly at the camera --> show that pretty face off! Seeing the back sides of a head every few months might raise some eyebrows: black eye? bad cut? abnormal growth?
3. Wearing the same onesie*--> keep the outfit simple, keep the focus on baby's development, not on mommy or daddy's personal style preferences
4. Same spot*--> get 'em in the same chair with the same stuffed animal, so you can see how baby grows into that rocker of yours and watch that animal becomes smaller and smaller and smaller
5. Same time of day and month*--> snap in the afternoon with sunny, natural light. Consistency is key and it keeps you from slacking off—having one or two pictures with a night background or thinking you can Photoshop your way out of missing Month 6 will only cause regret and anguish

*requires foresight

#2: Schedule Playdates
It's sometimes hard to think outside of your four walls during that first month of parenthood. With Munch, leaving the house for the couple of months was more out of necessity than by choice. The newness of it all can consume you and you can easily go through 4 weeks of forgetting that there is life beyond Baby. Who knew there is more to being a dad than to swaddle, soothe, and change diapers? But, if you think its adorable to stare and interact with your little one, wait until you see him or her with other little ones. Two, three, or four of them, sitting on the ground, staring at each other, poking at each other, laughing at each other. You have no idea what they are thinking, but they definitely are communicating. "Best way to cry to get fed the fastest?" "Who wipes better: your mom or your dad?" "Why do they keep shoving those things in our mouth to shut us up?" Who really knows what's going on in their heads, but nothing is more amusing. So this week, we are starting to call family, friends, and friends of friends who have little ones and scheduling some time to watch the little ones get their play on. Not only for our own entertainment, but I suppose its nice for K2 to start establishing social connections as well.

As you know by now, you've spent a lot of time watching. Baby is exploring, noticing that he or she (hopefully) has two arms, a couple of legs, and 10 fingers and toes, but not really being able to control them. The first month is the first major marker to the rest of your baby milestones. So now is the time to start planning and thinking ahead. The more work you put in now, the more reward you'll get out of it later.

Are you doing anything for your baby girl that I can copy???? =)

Check out the previous weeks below:
Week 3: Celebration
Week 2: Connection
Week 1: Reminiscencehttp://www.stuntdad.com/2011/11/100-day-project-week-1.html

PS: Happy Birthday to the most beautiful, amazing wife there ever was, could be, or will be. Love you babe!!

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The Don't Die Daddy Initiative: Week 3

Three weeks in and I have to warn you, I am getting dangerously smart about this weight loss stuff. Here is a little something that I probably shouldn't share with you, but since we are pals, I will let you in on. The secret to losing weight is to eat fewer calories than what you burn on a daily basis...I know, pretty mind blowing stuff. With the help of my nutritionist, let's call her Dr. Good and Plenty, I have started building a plan of attack. Here are some things that you need to do if you are serious about losing a couple of pounds (but not serious enough that you would be willing to cut off a limb to lose a quick 15).

• Establish Your Plan 
• It all starts with understanding how many calories a day you should be eating to achieve your goal weight. This will be based upon your current weight, your time frame, and the amount of physical activity you perform on a daily basis (playing video games does not count–not even Wii Fit). The basic math goes like this:
  
  Because 3,500 calories equals about 1 pound (0.45 kilogram) of fat, you need to burn 3,500 calories more than you take in to lose 1 pound. So if you cut 500 calories from your typical diet each day, you'd lose about 1 pound a week (500 calories x 7 days = 3,500 calories). - Mayo Clinic 
  You could do this the old-fashion way with math and fingers, but thanks to the Googles, there are literally hundreds of calorie calculators our there. I recommend that you stay with a reputable site like WebMD. Based on my goals, I am aiming for 1,500 calories a day. If I follow this program, I should drop the 50 lbs. by March. (This might seem like a long time, but I am learning that with weight loss, you need to slow your roll on how much you want to lose. Try to stay around 2 lbs a week. Remember the idea here is to keep you from dying, not win a swimsuit contest.)
• Track Your Calories 
• Now that you have your plan in place, you are going to need to start actually tracking what you eat. For me, this is the hardest thing. I work in a really fast paced office and often don't have time to think about what I am going to be eating that day (at least that is my excuse). The truth of the matter is that I am choosing not to think about it. This is an easy way to screw up a diet. This challenge has forced me to start thinking in advance about having either good options available or making sure that I know in advance how many calories something is before I eat it. There are several online and mobile tools that are available that easily allow you to plan your food choices, track your calories, and measure your goals. I am using MyFitnessPal.com. It has a really intuitive user interface and a deep database of foods with calories already determined. A couple of other alternatives are LiveStrong.com and FitDay.com
• Make Smart Choices 
• 1500 calories goes really fast. My nutritionist has recommended eating at least 5 times a day. These give me roughly 300 calories per meal/snack. This is not easy. There are several items out there can help with this. Here is a typical day for me:
• Breakfast: Morning Star Sausage Patty, Piece of Cheese, 100 Calorie Bagel Thin
• Snack: Chocolate Chip Zone Bar
• Lunch: Salad with Chicken (no creamy dressings)
• Snack: Apple and Almonds 
• Dinner: Salmon, Green Beans, Mushrooms
• (Maybe Snack): Vitatop Muffins
• Be Prepared When Eating Out
•  Eating "low calorie" meals is not easy, especially if you eat out at restaurants a lot. Due to my job, I travel constantly, so this is something that I have to pay lots of attention to. There are several resources out there to help with this including the Eat This Not That Series and articles like this one from SparkPeople. An easy way to do this is to say no to the starters and the sides. Did you know that Chili's Awesome Blossom (a deep fried onion that resembles an exploded heart) has 2710 calories, the typical fast food Large Fries has 540 calories, the Au Bon Pain Macoroni and Cheese has 500 calories, and (this one breaks my heart because I love it) the Chipotle Chips and Guacamole is coming it at 720 calories. And the scary thing is that I have eaten all of these before as a "starter" or on the side of something else that probably was coming in around 700 to 800 calories. No wonder I am not an Ambercrombie model...well, that and my back hair.
• Deep Six the Six Pack
• The good news is I am already a little ahead on this one, but it still is crazy when I start thinking about how many calories I was drinking. Let's do a little word problem. If the average beer has 170 calories and Stunt Chad use to drink at least six beers (easily) when he went out (this is 1020 calories). How long would Stunt Chad have to run on the treadmill at 5 miles an hour to just burn off the beer...nothing else. Just the beer and not even the eventual 2.30 am Taco Bell that would accompany my partaking of said six beers. The answer is 85 minutes. 85 minutes!!! I don't know about you, but I don't have a spare hour and a half to maintain a crappy lifestyle. Glad to say that this checked off the problem area. 

Things are going well. I am starting to get into a groove. I have already lost some weight and I am starting actually feel a little bit better. It is amazing how great you feel once you decide to take control of a situation. This has opened up many new doors for me and I am excited about what is to come. I'm just saying that maybe Ambercrombie should be on the lookout. Stay tuned. 

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Using Santa as a Weapon

Around an hour into the painful process that is putting the Dumptruck and Puddin' to bed, I did something that I never really thought I would do as a parent...I used Santa as a weapon. That's right, I used the "Santa is not going to bring you any presents if you don't stop being bad and go to sleep" threat. I'm not proud of it, but you know what? It flippin' worked. I can't believe it. They actually were more concerned about the opinion of a (spoiler alert) fictional obese pimp-suit wearing reverse cat burglar than there dear old dad!!
After I got over the initial disappointment of realizing that my children value none of the things that I do for them nor the things that I buy for them, I started thinking—I am going to milk this Santa thing for everything it's worth for the next month! "Not going to put your own shoes on? I guess I am going to have to tell Santa that you are not listening to Daddy." "Don't want to eat your dinner? Well, Daddy has a call with Santa tonight and he's going to have to let Santa know that you are not doing what you are told to do!" "Did I just see you hit your sister? You know who else saw that? Santa saw that." (whispering in my most ominous voice) "He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He's EVERYWHERE!!!"
But why does this fun have to end on December 25th? Why can't we have something like this for every season? Sure there's the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, but they don't really come with a built-in "Do What I Say Or Else" edge that I need. So in an effort to help out fellow fathers that are interested in continuing in the process of utilizing fictional holiday entities to force our children to do our bidding, I present to you the following suggestions:

• Harold the "Be Quiet or I Am Going To Eat You or This Cupcake" Gorilla 
• Description: Harold is a gorilla that was part of a children's birthday party animal show that was actually the cover for a cosmetic company's illegal animal testing group. At the shows, he was forced to walk about the party with a tray of cupcakes. After a horrible reaction to a new line of concealer, Harold had the ability to turn himself invisible. Using his new power, he tricked his captors and escaped from the facility. He now roams the streets seeking revenge upon any child that reminds him of the loud children that belittled him while he was forced to serve them cupcakes. 
• Intended Use: To keep your kids quiet when nothing else works 
• Potential Reward if Child Responds: Cupcakes 
• Potential Ramification if Child Does Not Respond: Harold gets hungrier and eats either the cupcakes or the child (depending upon the unruly nature of said child)
• Example of Proper Use:  "You better be quite or the gorilla is going to eat all of our cupcakes... or even you!
•  Julie the Cruise Director Fairy  
• Description: Julie the Cruise Director Fairy is a very rare fairy. It is her job to watch over children and reward their good behavior with fun activities. She is sometimes accompanied by Gopher the Gnome and Isaac the Potion Master Imp. (Yes. I know that this a blatant rip-off of the Love Boat, but your kid's have no idea. Please feel free to use any other old tv show of your choosing. Maybe Alf—a fun loving alien that will eat your pets if your kids don't behave. Mork from Ork—an alien that will land and move into the attic to watch over you? Or how about The Facts of Life Trolls—they just get fat and yell at each other if your kids aren't good...well they would probably do that anyway. 
• Intended Use: To get your kids to listen to you 
• Potential Reward if Child Responds: A list of fun activities to do and related tickets, supplies, etc. show up on clipboard every Saturday morning. 
• Potential Ramification if Child Does Not Respond: No activities on the weekend 
• Example of Proper Use: "If you kids don't start acting better, then I guess Julie the Cruise Director Fairy isn't going to show up with something for us to do this weekend."
• The Sleepy Time Seals 
• Description: The Sleepy Time Seals are a rare breed of seals that can only sleep when your children are asleep. For every child that is born, a matching Sleepy Time Seal is born. This means that if your child is not sleeping, the Sleepy Time Seals are also not sleeping. 
• Intended Use: To get your kids to sleep 
• Potential Reward if Child Responds: A monthly letter from their Sleepy Time Seal thanking them for sleeping and telling them about their adventures (extra points if you write it in seal which is really just you scribbling on a note pad and then putting a flipper print at the bottom)
• Potential Ramification if Child Does Not Respond: A letter from the Sleepy Time Seal's mother letting them know that their Sleepy Time Seal was almost killed by a seal hunter because the seal was too sleepy to run (I know this is harsh, but Daddy really values his sleep.) 
• Example of Proper Use: "Do you want your Sleepy Time Seal to die... huh? Why don't you love your Sleepy Time Seal? What did he or she ever do to you? If you don't go to bed soon, your Sleepy Time Seal probably won't make it through the day."  

So what do you think? Do you have any other imaginary discipline entities that I can use? Want to share your own? Let us know. And remember, Santa is watching everything you do. So stop doing that in the shower in the mornings.





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It All Makes Sense Now

It all makes sense now...

(I believe this is from a 2003 artcile from Parenting magazine, but cannot find the true source, please let me know if you have this information.)

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Munch's Hunches: NFL Week 13

In Week 12, Munch continued his winning ways by going 2-1 and is riding that confidence into Week 13. Some of his fellow daycare classmates are concerned that his hot streak might be going to his head as 3-year old, Dimitri Stephanopoulos reported that Munch "bet the world" that he would run the table this week. "He bet all 12 kids at Darling Angels daycare that he would win all 3 games this week. Quite frankly, he's getting a little too cocky. I saw his picks - Denver is overrated, Baltimore is inconsistent, and he's one Pick 6 away from New Orleans getting sacked in the Superdome." Apparently, if Munch wins all 3 games, he gets a 12-pack of rice pudding. If he loses just one game, Munch is on diaper detail for the entire week. While most of the group shares Dimitri's sentiments about Munch, 2-year old Alexis Huntington sighed when she said, "I think he's dreamy."

The Saturday Stuntline is shaping up as...

The Early Game

• Match-Up: Denver (6-5) at Minnesota (2-9)
• Preview: 6th Grader more excited to see Son of God than beloved Vikings. Joey Mintz, a 12 year old living in a suburb of Minneapolis, can simply not wait for Sunday's game between the Broncos and his beloved Vikings. "I love my Vikings, don't get me wrong, but when will I ever get the chance to see the Son of God again—and, see him playing football nonetheless," said Mintz. "We go to church every Sunday, and we talk about Jesus saving this person and that person. Now, to have the chance to watch him save a city, a fallen franchise, and a coach's career—that truly is the work of our Lord, isn't it?" Richard Mintz, Joey's father, is not quite as enthused, but shares some of his son's Tebow-love. "Joseph's mother and I divorced 6 years ago. I don't go to church with them. I lost my job at the mill last year. And, I'm a raging alcoholic. But—if some chubby, God-toutin', spikey haired kid can put on a pair of shoulder pads, pretend he's a quarterback, and rattle of 4 wins in a row for a team that Josh McDaniels assembled, then maybe—just maybe—there is hope for me. I don't believe in God, but I guess I'm starting to believe in Tim Tebow."
• Munch's Hunch: Tebow spelled backwards is God. Go Broncos!
• StuntDad Diatribe: The Broncos have a better road record than they do at home. Their running game is solid and the defense has been stingy. And, Tim Tebow is 5-1 as a starter. We'd be fools not to pick them, right? Wrong. The Vikings are bad, actually they are horrible, but their defense is ok. Especially against the run. Every game against Tim Tebow has been Super Bowls for defenses, and this week we are going to see a rejuvenated Vikings team play like they have never played all season. Adrian Peterson's absence will be missed, but look for Toby "White Power" Gerhart to have a monster game in this week's Who's Your God Bowl. Vikings spear Broncos 24-21.

The Late Game

• Match-Up: Baltimore (8-3) at Cleveland (4-7)
• Preview: Cleveland Mayor encourages city to let their dogs out. Mayor Frank G. Jackson issued a tweet at 12:30am on Tuesday morning suggesting that Cleveland dog owners should let their canines loose on the streets of the city immediately after Sunday's kick-off against the Ravens. Jackson's tweet read, "@ 4:06pm on Sunday, let your mothaf@#$ dogs out Cleveland!" Since the tweet, nearly 5,000 residents have expressed both confusion and concern to City officials. "It's always a week from hell when Frank starts drinking during Monday Night Football," said the Mayor's secretary, Patti Gillroy. "PETA has called every (expletive) day. The Felines of the Flats Social Society is now planning a +250 dog parade down 4th street. And, the Cleveland's Women Journal took out a half-page ad in the city paper running a new "Boot the Boys Sunday" campaign, prompting wives to kick their husbands out of their houses at 4:06pm sharp." City treasurer, Tweed Bindle, added, "Frank doesn't realize the influence his tweets have on this city. This summer, when the Indians were in first place, the Yankees were coming into town for the weekend. He tweeted, "Scalp the yanks this weekend! Go Tribe!" and we ended up with 150 homicides in just 3 days." The 65 year old mayor has since handed over control of his Twitter account to his management team, stating on his blog Friday morning, "Up until today, I have posted virtually everyone of my tweets on my own, but clearly the platform has become too big to be managed by a single individual. While I will continue to express myself through @chocolatethunder, I'm turning the management of the feed over to my team at Big Dog Media to ensure the quality of its content."
• Munch's Hunch: No harming doggies. Go Ravens!
• StuntDad Diatribe: Each of the Ravens 3 losses have come against subpar teams following really big wins. On Thanksgiving, Baltimore showed the NFL they are for real by manhandling the 49ers. This Sunday, they will show the NFL that they are a fluke. They have the defense, but I don't like Joe Flacco. He has looked miserable against a lot of bad teams, and now he'll be facing the league's 6th best defense. Plus, Colt McCoy has never beaten any team in his division (0-6), which means he's due. I like the Browns running game, whether its Ogbonnaya or Hillis, to run all over a defense that won't have Ray Lewis. Look for a major upset in this week's Dogfight Bowl. Browns bite Ravens 21-17.

The Night Game

• Match-Up: Detroit (7-4) at New Orleans (8-3)
• Preview: Referee requests not to work Sunday Night Football game. 61 year old Ed Hochuli reportedly called Roger Goodell to ask the commissioner if someone else could referee Sunday night's game between the Detroit Lions and New Orleans Saints. "I've been running up and down NFL fields for nearly 20 years, but give me a break here," said Hochuli. "These teams go back and forth quicker than Jim Boeheim answering questions about Bernie Fine. I asked Commissioner Goodell to show a little compassion. My family will be watching. I've got two teenage boys for God's sake! Do they really need to see their father throwing up on the sidelines after each touchdown?" University of Iowa graduate assistant and long-time Hochuli fan, Chad Buckley, would also like to see the muscular referee be assigned to a different game. "During my darkest days this year as an Iowa Hawkeye football fan, Ed Hercules has inspired me to be a better me. I would ask myself over and over, 'What Would Ed Hochuli do?' I've done my best to give more long winded explanations of simple events which are obvious to everyone and you know what? It feels great. There is no greater joy to me these days than to ramble aimlessly, knowing people don't really give a crap about what I'm saying," said the 28 year old Buckley. "Give him the Jets/Skins game. They can't pass worth a lick and no one is going to watch that game anyways."
• Munch's Hunch: Mumbo jumbo, me likey gumbo. Go Saints!
• StuntDad Diatribe: Touchdowns, touchdowns, touchdowns! This game will be a red zone lovers dream as two of the most explosive offenses go head-to-head. It's a shame that Ndamukong Suh won't be playing, but honestly—would it really have mattered? Drew Brees is going to carve up the Lions defense regardless as I expect nothing less than 4 touchdown passes from him. The only question is whether Matt Stafford can throw 5? I don't see it happening, but I do see a passing extravaganza, with both teams combining for nearly 800 yards through the air. However, I don't think Detroit will have enough in the tank in this week's Big Easy Shootout Bowl. Saints cage Lions 44-38.

Now, we turn to Stunt Dad Nation on your thoughts on these and other games from around the league.

Likes, dislikes, hits, & misses?

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100 Days For My Baby Girl: Week 3

Week 3
The third week of parenthood is known to most as "baby blues" week. After two weeks of being in "la-la land" where everything is simply amazing, from baby curling her toes to baby blinking her eyes to baby spitting up on daddy's shirt during Thanksgiving dinner while he was passing the cranberries in turn causing him to drop said cranberries on his lap and forcing him to knock the table with his knees thus spilling red wine in his mashed potatoes and making him realize that it was 7:00pm and that he now will spend the rest of the night with a long white stain on his dark shirt and a purple-black blotch in the groin area of his khakis pants. But, I digress. The precious, amazing first two weeks are dreamlike, whereas Week 3 is the wake-up call—the time when Dad who maxed out their paternity leave is going back to work, where mom is having the kid(s) solo from 9-5, and reality officially sets in. And with this reality comes the worst thing that can happen to a new parent: time to think.

• To think about whether you will be a good parent.
• To think about whether it will ever get better as a parent.
• Or, to think about whether you made a mistake by becoming a parent.

But, there is a solution. Instead of worrying about how you might mentally damage your newborn before he or she reaches preschool, start focusing on the perks of the new family addition: I just saved a bunch of money on my tax return by claiming my newborn as a dependent! So, Week 3 is going to be all about celebration—and here are two things I'm planning on doing:

#1: Framed Picture at Work

It took me 3 months before I got around to putting up a picture of Munch at work, and when I did, it made me smile every single time I looked at it. I want that same feeling with K2, so upon returning to work, K2 is going to be put on display. But not "CafePress-ing" her onto office-related items such as a: calendar, mouse pad, coffee mug, post-it-note pad, iPhone case, calculator, shoe horn. Not to say she isn't beautiful or that I'm not proud of her or that I don't want to show her off, because she is, and I am, and I do. I just want to do it in a tasteful way. Something nice. Something simple. Something intimate. I already have my favorite picture of her (ok, so its the only one with her eyes open, but still—it's my favorite) and I'm going to find a frame that doesn't say obnoxious like: "A Star is Born" or a "Daddy's Little Princess" or a "Future Diva". Something unobtrusive. Something that won't take away from her. Something that will let her shine. And, it's going to just be her. No Wifey, no Munch, no other family. Just her, making me, and whoever else looks her way, smile.

#2: Family and Friends Brunch
Nothing means more to us than family and friends, and nothing is more fun than throwing a party, so I'm thinking—why not combine the two and introduce K2 to the people she will come to know and love? Not a Friday night cocktail hour in the city or a Saturday night kegger in the suburbs (although it does sound pretty sweet right now), but a chill, relaxed Sunday afternoon brunch, giving people the option to come and go as they please. Not only is it for K2, but also something for Wifey to look forward to. However, the lone rule for any visitors is that they must hold K2 and get their picture taken with her before leaving because Daddy will be making a scrapbook of the day. And 20 years down the road, when K2 will be better acquainted with these same family and friends, we can look back and see everyone and everything from that special day. To see how much younger (and presumably thinner) we were. To see how Uncle Larry never quite felt comfortable holding her. And, to see evidence of her Nana drinking beer upside down while doing a handstand (random, I know, but a family tradition). But more importantly, she can appreciate and value the meaning of family and friends.

Celebrating is subjective. Some scream from the rooftops, some whisper in ears. Like most things in life, I fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. I want to tell, but not shout. I want to hold, but not coddle. I'm hoping my little girl feels the love, but doesn't get overwhelmed by it. If nothing else, I'll have a bunch of pretty pictures on my desk throughout the years and a really fun party to remember for the rest of my life.

Are you doing anything for your baby girl that I can copy???? =)

Check out the previous weeks below:

Week 2: Connection
Week 1: Reminiscence

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