With a bottle of White Vinegar...

Scenario: It's 2am and your kid just  puked all over the bed, the floor, the bathroom, your shoes, you and the dog. You, your house, your kid and your dog smell of kid puke. The mess, the smell, the interrupted sleep are of no circumstance to you. You are Stunt Dad. You can handle it. You stand in the shower with your kid clothes and all, wipe off the tears and tell him everything is gonna be alright. You help him put on a fresh pair of vintage Starsky and Hutch PJs, take his temp, and hide the worry while you rock all 35 pounds of him back to sleep by singing the sweetest rendition of No Woman No Cry that has ever ever been performed in tighty whiteys. And even though your arms are burning like you are curling 50lb dumbells at the gym, you fight through it and make sure to vamp extra long on "everything's gonna be alright". Once your buddy is sound asleep and on the mend you have to move quick. The faster you clean up, the more sleep you get before the sun rises, the better you do at work, the more money you make, the more you pay grandpa and grandma to watch the kids on Saturday nights so you and the wife can grab dinner out and get it on like you once did when your only responsibilities in life were making each other smile and planning your next vacation. With all that on the line it's no time for fancy gadgets and a cart of cleaning supplies. Stunt Dad's need clean messes as fast as they are made, if not faster.  So Grab a T-Shirt, and a gallon of White Vinegar . Vinegar is the cleaner of choice for old school pros. It's cheap, effective and safe.  It's Stuntastic. You add 1/4 cup of vinegar to a bucket of hot water. Wipe off the toys in the yellow puke road to disinfect, mop the floor, scrub the carpets, throw the blankets and sheets into the washing machine with another 1/4 cup, spray vinegar on the windows to clean up the projectile remnants and wipe with newspapers. You can even use it in your dishwasher, as well as wash off pesticides from your fruit with it. And if your kid takes a swig, it won't be a big deal he'll just puke...again and your cleaning supplies will already be there waiting for you. Pin It Now!

Welcome to Egg Hunt. The first rule of Egg Hunt is: you do not talk about Egg Hunt.

The Easter Egg Found on Fight Club

Sunday is Easter, and we will be celebrating Stunt Dad style. No church, no house of worship, no temple. This is for you—and only you, Stunt Dad Nation.

Welcome to Egg Hunt. The first rule of Egg Hunt is: you do not talk about Egg Hunt. The second rule of Egg Hunt is: you DO NOT talk about Egg Hunt! Third rule of Egg Hunt: someone yells "stop!", goes limp, taps out, the hunt is over. Fourth rule: only two guys to a hunt. Fifth rule: one hunt at a time, fellas. Sixth rule: No shirts, no shoes. Seventh rule: hunts will go on as long as they have to. And the eighth and final rule: if this is your first time at Egg Hunt, you have to hunt.

Your hunt is for a virtual Easter Egg. It begins with locating an inside joke, hidden message, or secret message that has been placed in any form of media: film, music, video game, website, book, etc. Once you have identified your Easter Egg, you will post it as a comment below.

Here is your first and only example:

• Movie: Fight Club 
• Description: On disc 2, you can click the advertising header and press the down arrow 3 times; a green smile face will appear. Clicking on the "enter" button will take you to some unique movie merchandise and some memorable descriptions.  
• Easter Egg: a T-shirt featuring the description of: Be the toughest hombre on the golf course with this fashionable remake of a classic polo.

You are not Easter. You're not how many eggs you have in your basket. You're not the contents of your plastic Easter eggs. You're not your fucking Easter Bunny Costume. You're the all-thumping, all-hopping rabbit dropping of the world.

Happy hunting Stunt Dad Nation. Pin It Now!

Never Take Your Kid to a Baseball Game...Ever.

Your son after he goes to his first professional baseball game.

Take us out to the ball game, buy us some peanuts and cracker jacks, we don't care if we ever come back–literally. Because if there is one thing having kids has ruined, its going to a major league baseball game.

By definition, attending a baseball game is drinking overpriced beer, eating stale hot dogs, and sitting quietly in the same seat for three hours. It's relaxing, peaceful, and as an American, its our rite of passage. Baseball is our national pastime for a reason—we love to be lazy. That's why we invented the couch and television, because we wanted to be entertained and comfortable without having to exert any energy whatsoever. And nothing is more sluggish and lethargic than spending an afternoon watching a bunch of dudes throwing and hitting baseballs.

Before kids, we could show up to the park a couple of innings late, purchase the cheapest tickets available, and sneak into the best possible seats available. For $50, we could be catered beer, nachos, and hotdogs for three hours. We could keep score, take a nap, or completely zone out off into space. It was a way to enjoy the outdoors, feel calm and be totally anxiety-free for an entire day. These long-forgotten feelings were stripped the day we had kids. And after making the mistake of "taking them out to the ball game," we quickly realized that our local baseball stadium had transformed into the 7th circle of hell. 


Below are the top 5 reasons why Dads should never consider taking children to a baseball game, under any circumstances, at any age, no matter how much junior might beg, whine, or plea.

• 5. Money: Remember the $50 you spent? Multiple that by four, add $50 per kid, and don't forget stadium parking that will hit you up for another $25. Why, you ask? Starting with the shitty official game program that your kid won't read and throw in the garbage on the way out, to the shitty foamy finger they will wear on the way to your seats that won't be put on again, to the shitty peanuts that will give them diarrhea for the next week.
•  4. Bathroom Breaks: be prepared to cram yourself into a stall, standing on a urine-soaked cement floor, watching your kid hover over a shit-stained toilet as he desperately tries to take a dump for an entire inning—or, let him go by himself and be potentially molested by one of the many drunk pedophiles that are lingering about. It's your call.
• 3. Questions: Why is he bunting? Why aren't they trying to steal second base? Can I have a hot dog? Why hasn't the pitcher been pulled? Why do they make those hand signals? Can I have a Coke? What are they chewing in your mouth? Why do they always scratch themselves? Can I have cotton candy? What does it mean to be a pull hitter? Why do they have that black stuff under their eyes? Can I have ice cream? Why do they just stand there all the time? Why does one league have a DH and the other doesn't? Can I have another hot dog? You get the point. FYI: these start the exact minute you sit in your seat and does not stop until you stand up to leave.
• 2. Foul Balls: He doesn't care that his team won, that his favorite player hit for the cycle, or if he witnesses the first perfect game in franchise history. All he really wants is a damn foul ball, and—you don't even have to catch it. It could smack some dude in the face, bounce over three rows, and roll down the aisle next to your foot. But that's considered catching a foul ball and it's all he wants: a used, beat-up, $5 object that you could have handed him in your garage.
  
• 1. Language: no matter what age your child is, they will repeat at least a dozen inappropriate saying over the course of the next week. In fact, you can expect your kid to walk around the house saying randomly quoting everything thing the drunk idiots in your section were yelling at the top of their lungs for 9 innings: "Are you swining that bat or jacking it off?" or "Throw a strike b@#$h!" or "Open your f@#$ing eyes ump!"

If your kid is demanding that you take them to a baseball game this summer, we recommend the following: drive to your local high school that has free parking, sit in the free aluminum grandstands, and watch the local kids play 7 innings of baseball. No food and drinks are served, thus avoiding the chances of your kid being kidnapped or suffering from horrible bowel moments. The other people in attendance are moms, dads, and siblings of the players so there is no need to worry about your son dropping f-bombs or making masturbation jokes around the house. And because the talent level is so pitiful, your son will likely be too bored to ask more than a handful of questions. In fact, he will be so tired of watching 50 mph fastballs that he'll lose interest in catching a foul ball and want to leave by the 4th inning. Now that's what baseball with kids is all about. Pin It Now!

March Dadness Round 3 Results - Meet The Final 4!

What tumultuous month it has been in TV land. 32 Dads have fought tooth and nail and now only 4 dads remain in the hunt for the SIPPY Cup. Will Walter White beat favorite Mike Brady? Will Rick Grimes mop the floor with Louie C. K.? Tune in to find out who will win the SIPPY Cup! And download your own copy of the bracket to date.

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March Dadness Round 2 Results

The results are in and we are down to the elite 8! Check out the March Dadness Bracket below to check up on your favorite TV dad and listen to the podcast to hear how the sweet 16 became the elite 8. Will your dad go all the way?

Download a PDF of March Dadness Round 2 results.


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DadVersions: Because You Deserve 15 Minutes To Yourself

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/zombie_howWe have now reached a point where there is so much media content available online that we can start making new media simply by editing existing media. Don't know what I mean? Check out the crafty Kutiman and his YouTube mashups.http://thru-you.com/#/videos/1/

The Lie Trailer 2011A musician is forced to give up his dreams in order to support his family. Lonnie and Clover were once young idealists -- destined to change the world, until an unanticipated pregnancy derailed their plans. Instead of making their mark, the pair finds themselves trapped in a bourgeois nightmare, hosting BBQs and arguing about organic diapers. Clover is in her final year of law school, while Lonnie, stuck in a nine-to-five routine, remains in a daze about the artistic lifestyle they were forced to abandon. Deciding he needs some time away from his soul-sucking job to renew his stalled aspirations, Lonnie calls in sick and creates a shocking lie to justify his absence. Swept away in a series of misadventures beyond his control, he attempts to close the Pandora's box, but finds that it is too late.

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Duct You and Your Baby Trap of a House

Let's face it, your baby-less friends are out to kill your children. Everything from open liquor cabinets full of colorful delights, obviously delicious exposed electrical outlets that look like happy faces good enough to kiss, and a completely undeterred stairway launching pads are all traps that your friends have set to return you to your once previous free-wheeling, fancy-free, baby-less days. So what's a dad to do? Like everything else in life, it can be fixed with Duct Tape.

Here are 7 ways to thwart your friend's devious plans:

1. Power Outlets: Count how many power outlets are at baby's level. Cut an 8" strip of tape per outlet, tightly pressing a strip over each one.


2. Doors that open in: Stick a strip or two of tape horizontally across the door stile and sill above the door knob.


3. Doors that open out: Place a strip of tape under the door perpendicular to the door. Stick it to the inside creating a tab on the outside. Pull the door closed and then twist the tape toward the door sill and stick it. (Are you starting to see a theme yet?)


4. Toilet Lids: Take 2 strips and tape the lid closed. (Extra points if you make it so that it is almost impossible for your friend's to get the toilet seat up when needed.)


5. Cabinets: Tape 'em up horizontally or on the bottom lip if available. (Are you seriously still looking for ideas here? It's tape. Rip it and stick it.)


6. Stairs: Don't have a baby gate? Cut a piece of cardboard to size, make hinges from strips of duct tape, and tape shut. Strap several pieces the full length of the gate to add strength.


7. Kids: Do you remember Edward Beerhands? How about taking your kids and duct taping two sippy cups to them? This will keep them busy for hours.

There you have it... Duct Tape saves the day, once again. And if you should perhaps have a little leftover duct tape, make a rose for your lovely wife (or that hot little intern in the office) following the directions at DuckBrand. Because if there is anything that woman can't resist, it's duct tape (wow, that sounds a lot creepier than I meant it to be).

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March Dadness Round 1 Results and Podcast Debut

The results are in and we are down to the Sweet 16! Click on the tournament bracket below or download the updated bracket to see the results.

Also, make sure you listen to the first Stunt Dad podcast. This episode we break down the results of the first round of action and make our predictions for the Sweet 16.

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