Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Duct You and Your Baby Trap of a House

Let's face it, your baby-less friends are out to kill your children. Everything from open liquor cabinets full of colorful delights, obviously delicious exposed electrical outlets that look like happy faces good enough to kiss, and a completely undeterred stairway launching pads are all traps that your friends have set to return you to your once previous free-wheeling, fancy-free, baby-less days. So what's a dad to do? Like everything else in life, it can be fixed with Duct Tape.

Here are 7 ways to thwart your friend's devious plans:
  1. Power Outlets: Count how many power outlets are at baby's level. Cut an 8" strip of tape per outlet, tightly pressing a strip over each one.

  2. Doors that open in: Stick a strip or two of tape horizontally across the door stile and sill above the door knob.

  3. Doors that open out: Place a strip of tape under the door perpendicular to the door. Stick it to the inside creating a tab on the outside. Pull the door closed and then twist the tape toward the door sill and stick it. (Are you starting to see a theme yet?)

  4. Toilet Lids: Take 2 strips and tape the lid closed. (Extra points if you make it so that it is almost impossible for your friend's to get the toilet seat up when needed.)

  5. Cabinets: Tape 'em up horizontally or on the bottom lip if available. (Are you seriously still looking for ideas here? It's tape. Rip it and stick it.)

  6. Stairs: Don't have a baby gate? Cut a piece of cardboard to size, make hinges from strips of duct tape, and tape shut. Strap several pieces the full length of the gate to add strength.

  7. Kids: Do you remember Edward Beerhands? How about taking your kids and duct taping two sippy cups to them? This will keep them busy for hours.
There you have it... Duct Tape saves the day, once again. And if you should perhaps have a little leftover duct tape, make a rose for your lovely wife (or that hot little intern in the office) following the directions at DuckBrand. Because if there is anything that woman can't resist, it's duct tape (wow, that sounds a lot creepier than I meant it to be).

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