Sunday, March 11, 2012

March Dadness Selection Sunday

Click on the bracket to cast your votes. YOU decide who advances!

It has been an exciting afternoon here at the Stunt Dad Headquarters. The votes are in and we have our 32 television fathers that will be going head to head for the right to lift the SIPPY cup.  There were so many dads on the bubble, but there can only be 32. So with no further ado, here are the 2012 March Dadness Tremendous 32 (Make sure you cast your votes for the Sweet 16 by going here.):

Midwest Conference 
1. Al Bundy (Married With Children)
Possibly the most well known shoe salesmen of all time. Al Bundy represents the very ideal of the dream fatherhood scenario; a steady job, a modest home and a horny wife. We will see if he can handle the balance of the happiness of home with the challenges of children...because you can't have one without the other.
2. Howard Cunningham (Happy Days)
Mr. C was an anticipated high selection for the final 32. His mixture of insight, humor and the ability to extend a hand to those less fortunate (the underemployed 35 year old man with a penchant for young women and hanging out in the men's bathroom at the local eatery that lives above his garage) makes him a formidable opponent.
3. Peter Griffith (Family Guy)
A surprising selection this year, Pete Griffith is potentially the worst father ever selected to be part of March Dadness. His often controversial approach to fatherhood mixed with some pretty damning evidence of potential child endangerment, Peter Griffith is a controversial choice...but his unique ability to make us laugh partnered with a voice of reason dog, make this father somebody we will need to keep an eye out for this one.
4. Red Forman (That 70's Show)
Dumbass! Nobody but Red Forman can inspire the youth like he can. Whether it from a threat to put his boot up your ass or a "don't you dare" stare, Red is the very definition of old school. Growing up in the cold city of Milwaukee, this tough father brings together an equal balance of tough and love to melt any viewers heart.
5. Walter White (Breaking Bad)
Do you love your family enough to completely abandon your moral code when pushed to provide for them? Would you cook meth if you knew it was the only way to leave something behind for your unborn child? Could you take out Tucco if you knew your wife was at home worried where you were? No. No you couldn't... and that is what separates the good from the Breaking Bad.
6. Tim Taylor (Home Improvement)
It's Tim "the Tool Man" Taylor and welcome to the sleeper father of the tournent. With a mixture of humor and tough love, Tim Taylor had "built" a home that needs no improvement. He is also responsible for introducing the world to Pamela Anderson...and we all thank him for that.
7. Fred Sanford (Sandford and Son)
Come here you dummy and take a look at one of the most straight talking fathers in the tournament. Fred Sanford not only is happy to provide unlimited amounts of junk yard wisdom when needed, he does it without the help of his sweet departed Elizabeth. This widowed father has pieced together a comfortable life for himself and his son Lamont...while battling heart disease and the fear of "the big one". This scrappy approach will serve him well in this year's tournament.
8. Carl Winslow (Family Matters)
"Did I do that?"...yes, yes you did. In a last minute push, the readers of Stunt Dad nation voted in Officer Carl P.. Winslow to serve and protect the children of tv. This pudgy parental policemen not only looks after his own two to three children (youngest daughter Judy disappeared one day), he takes time to mentor  his socially challenged neighbor. Believing in an open door policy, Carl Winslow's home is a place where the kids of Chicago knew they were safe and able to pursue their dreams.

West Conference 
1. Ozzy Osbourne (The Osbournes)
Despite a perception that the bat heading biting and satanic oriented singer might not be the best of dads, he continues to defy odds by not only living...but by being a stable influence into the lives of his loved ones. We believe that this ??? will go far...but that is just a Shot In the Dark.
2. Mike Brady (The Brady Bunch)
Here's a story, an amazing father that met a hot chick with a questionable past that already had three kids of her own (we believe from the same father). He and his sons were already four men living together and he was now forced to create a home. We like this pick a bunch.
3. Phillip Banks (Fresh Prince of Bel-Air)
Now this is the story of all about how, Uncle Phillip's life got flipped and turned upside down. I'd like to take a minute, while you sit right there and tell you how was forced to raise the cheesiest kids in all of Bell Air. While dealing with Will trying to be cool, he was also forced to watch over Carlton playing the fool. And we didn't even mention sweet little Ashley, because she often overshadowed by Hillary with actions so ghastly. He held it together and always played it cool, depending on who he goes up against, I would pity that fool.
4. "Mitch" Buchannon (Baywatch)
How can you not honor a single father that not only has introduced his son to potentially 25 of the hottest women that tv has ever seen, but he does this while holding down a steady job on one of the potentially most crime ridden and dangerous beaches in California? Mitch Buchannon is what every post 35 year old dad should be... in shape, in charge and ready to take on a rouge shark that is attacking his beach. Don't be fooled by his slow motion running, this father is ready to blow by the competition.
5. Bayside Fathers (Saved By the Bell)
Never seen, this group of fathers have spawned one of the most well know group of children in generations. From what we know they consist of a general (A.C. Slater), surgeons (Lisa Turtle), a computer salesmen (Zack), an absent father that split from a one night stand when the circus left town (Screech) and the invisible (Jessie Spano). These sperm donors are not actively involved the rearing of their children, but do get points for allowing their children to explore many interestes and not stifling their development with silly things like "rules" or "curfews".
6. Alan Harper (Two and a Half Men)
Teaching your child how to get by without having to incur expenses for mortgage  or food...check. Exposing your child to Uncle Charlie's endless parade of some of the most beautiful women that a sit com has ever seen...check. This poor man's mixture of Jerry Lewis and Chandler from friends, Alan Harper might not seem like somebody that has the skills to pay the bills...but the laugh track keeps telling me he is funny and I have to do what ever the laugh track says.
7. Danny Tanner (Full House)
Due to the rules clause that you must be the primary care giver to be considered for March Dadness, Danny Turner barely made the cut...but after much deliberation it was decided that Uncle Jessie's cool was nullified by Uncle Joey's creepy pepo factor, thus making Danny Tanner the sole father figure in the home. Will this straight laced milk toast of a man have what it takes to go all the way? We shall see.
8. Jim Walsh (90210)
Sure, Jim Walsh is responsible for moving his sweet and innocent children from Kansas to a den of sex, drugs and horrible pop music rock and roll...but he also gave them an opportunity to experience life. Brandon went on to become president of the student body of his college, he owned a newspaper and I think he went on to marry the hottest girl at West Beverly, Kelly (I stopped watching after like the sixth season when everybody owned either their own bar or clothing store). Brenda dated a poor man's James Dean and...and...well did I mention that Brandon also helped Donna Martin graduate..anyway, Jim Walsh was a supportive father and he could be a formidable foe.

East Conference 
1. Cliff Huxtable (The Cosby Show)
"I brought you into this world and I can take you out". These are the words that best represent the Cliff Huxtable's approach to fatherhood...that and loud sweaters, funky dancing, funny faces, random musical numbers and a never ending source of wise words, this number one seed is going to be a formidable foe for anyone that gets in his way.
2. Louie C.K. (Louie)
A newcomer to March Dadness, this straight talking single father of two is one to look out for. Unlike most tv fathers, Louis is able showcase the truth of what it means to be a's hard, it's not glamorous and it's one of the greatest things ever.
3. Frank Costanza (Seinfeld)
Although hot-tempered and generally a negative father, he actually does have some redeeming qualities that are often overlooked. He's served our country (cook in the Army), he's bilingual (speaks Korean), he sticks to his guns (will never take his shoes off in other people's houses), he's eccentric (hired a lawyer who wears a cape), and he's a genius: not only did he invent the holiday called Festivus, but he created one of the most novel ideas of the 21st century—the manssiere.
4. Tony Micelli (Who's the Boss)
Talk about a guy who gave up his life for the benefit of his family...the guy quit playing baseball for the St. Louis Cardinals to settle down with his wife and kid. The guy quit living in Brooklyn to settle down in some yuppy town in Connecticut.  The guy quit having any sense of manhood to settle down as  the world's 1st nationally recognized "Manny." Pretty pathetic, right? However—he gave us Samantha Micelli for 8 years, say no more.
5. Tony Soprano (The Sopranos)
What's with Italian TV Dads and boom-shickey, boom-shickey, boom-shickey hot-a$$ daughters?? First Sam Micelli, now Meadow Soprano. But—I digress. We all know Tony wasn't the most loyal of husbands, which he gets a solid ding for, but he was the father of two families: one to his wife and two children (3 if you count him as a father figure to Christopher Moltisanti), the other to a bunch of middle-aged, overweight tough guys. Through all of the ups ($$$$) and downs (he killed 8 people on the show), he was able to stay married, put his kids through college, and set his family up in a mega-mansion. Not bad, Ton.
6. Archie Bunker (All in the Family)
Ok, let's get the bad stuff out of the way: he's a chauvinist, narcissist, and a racist. Not the best qualities for a dad. But, he was a lovable, blue collar dad trying to do his best for his wife and daughter during a bland, some might say censored, television era. The fact that he was able to be himself, speak his mind, and not give a crap what anyone thought of him, likely opened the door for the next-generation TV dads. Archie Bunker was a visionary, a true TV Dad pioneer.
7. Michael Taylor/Joey Harris (My Two Dads)
We don't want the premise to throw you off here: the mom was so promiscuous that when she died, no one really knew who the father of Nicole Bradford was, so they gave custody to two kunckleheads who used to compete for mommy's attention. However—these two guys were put in arguably the most difficult position a dad could be in: living in a cramped loft in NYC with a teenager and another older dude you've hated for 10 years, competing with said older dude to be said teenager's dad, while knowing you aren't really the said teenager's dad and neither is the older dude, all the while resisting the path of freedom, bachelorhood, and no responsibilities that is waiting in the elevator outside of your door. Give these guys props...a little something—you know—for the effort.
8. Frank Reynolds (Alway's Sunny in Philadelphia)
He's the father of twins, Dennis and Dee, maybe the father of Charlie, and we wouldn't be too surprised if he was somehow the father of Mac. All philandering aside, he is teaching his kids the family business (albeit, running a bar), life lessons (mostly from 80s action-movie heroes such as John Rambo and John McClane), and valuable insight (how to make it in this world by lying and stealing using unethical and often illegal methods). We like Frank not for his gun-toting, marijuana-smoking, pain-inflicting approach to parenthood, but because he cares. Frank's mental capacities might be diminishing with age, but deep down, and we mean waaaaay down, he's one helluva Dad.

South Conference 
1. Hank Hill (King of the Hill)
They don't come much better than Mr. Hill, one of the most brilliant minds that TV has to offer. Any Dad who was actually born in a baseball stadium (Yankee Stadium) gets major street cred right off the bat. Throw in the fact that he's a former Eagle Scout, a confessed workaholic, and drives a Ford pick-up, we would be hard pressed to find a more American Dad than Hank Hill. Plus, in KOTH's 13 year run on TV, Hank could always be found doing two things in every single episode: wearing blue jeans and drinking beer. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
2. Rick Grimes (Walking Dead)
Two things make Rick stand out as one of the toughest competitors in this year's March Dadness: he values moral standards and he protects his family from zombies. Both are equally difficult for any dad, TV or no TV. A born leader who will stop at nothing to uphold the law, seek a cure, and basically do the right thing. If a zombie were to beg Sheriff Grimes not to kill him by claiming he had a soul, Grimes would tell him, "your soul's heading to heaven son" and then proceed with shooting him square between the eyes. That's what we look for in a super dad: compassion with a sense of action.
3. John Robinson (Lost in Space)
John was a Bubble Dad.  We typically don't include the smarties type (astrophysicist), but in a time of peace, love and happiness, John brought a sense of sophistication to a Sci-Fi genre that was sorely needing it. The father who led his wife, three kids, a robot into the unknowns and lived to tell about it. And he did it while not falling for the mysterious, almost sexual allure of the creepy Dr. Smith.
4. Homer Simpson (The Simpsons)
The dad who is a lone provider in a one of the most demanding households on television. He deals with a wife who insists on always doing the right thing, a son who is so desperate for attention that he continues to negatively act out every single episode, a daughter who thinks she knows everything, another daughter who is a mute and seemingly doesn't age, and a dog who constantly destroys furniture and tears up the backyard. As the longest running dad in television history, and to put up with a family like this, well, we congratulate Mr. Simpson with all the Duff beer he can handle.
5. Dr. David Howser (Doogie Howser, M.D.)
Dr. Howser raised a boy genius, a teenage doctor in fact. No other dad in TV can say that. And for that alone, and not for any other fatherly qualities,  Dr. Howser is in. We didn't see too much of Dr. Howser throughout the show, so we're going to give him the benefit of the doubt that he did a few things right in raising a prodigy. Hopefully he will last longer than the 4 years the show was aired.
6. Captain Stubing (Love Boat)
What other dad was nice enough to raise his daughter on the high seas, exposing her to world cultures, beautiful beaches, and wacky hijinks of guys named Gopher and Doc? Sure, she was pimped out in a bikini the whole time, thank you Aaron Spelling, but Captain Stubing wanted a world of adventure for his little girl, and adventure she got.
7. Willie Tanner (ALF)
Talk about the world's most trusting dad...sure, Mr. Alien-Life-Form, who looks like some cast-off from Return of the Jedi and talks like a gameshow host, you are more than welcome to stay in my house with my teenage daughter and impressionable son. Willie Tanner not only had the guts we look for in a dad, but he had perhaps the biggest set of balls in television history by bordering this brown, lazy, hairy "thing" for 4 years.
8. Andy Taylor (The Andy Griffith Show)
No dad tournament is complete without an old school, by-the-books father like Andy Taylor. Mr Taylor was the original "Tool-Man Taylor." Not because of his home improvement skills, but because he stayed true to the bleak, black and white surroundings of Mayberry by being a complete and utter tool. A show that was starving for color, good 'ol Tool-Man put the brakes on that with a nice little wife, a nice little boy, in a nice little town.

Don't forget to cast you votes for the Sweet 16 by going here. Dun-a-nu. Dun-a-nu. StumbleUpon Pin It Now!


  1. Peter Griffin is from Rhode Island. As in the East Coast. On the Atlantic Ocean. In New England, the most North Easternly part of the country. They point this out and make a big deal out of it regularly on the show through-out the entire series.

    1. We at Stunt Dad were aware of thIs point. But as is the case in many seeding processes, some teams or individuals are forced to travel out of their natural geographical regions. Fred Sanford also fell victim to this occurrence this year as did Willey Tanner. We do our best to keep folks close to home, but it is an imperfect system.