I Blame It On Bad Parenting

We all know the saying, you can't judge a book by it's cover...but you sure can judge the author. For every brooding malcontent you see at your local mall, there are probably a mother and father somewhere that can be blamed for most of this child's actions. How can a beautiful baby grow up to be these????, I blame it on bad parenting.


The Emo Boy 

Yes, life is depressing. Yes, your teenage years can be difficult. Yes, the Smiths are really good to listen to on a rainy day. Yes, Hot Topics has a lot of cool clothing options to choose from... but come on man. Speaking as a father, there is no way that this is the result of parental emotional investment. Get over here you little doe eyed emo rapscallion, let daddy give you a hug and take you to a ball game.

Look At My Crazy Hair Kid 

 "Look at me dad. Look at me dad. Do you see me now? Can I get your attention for just one moment? Put down the paper and look at me. Fine! I am going to keep growing this mohawk until you truly see me dad."

The My Father Didn't Love Me Face Tattoo 

 Little Johnny here obviously always harbored the soul of a painter. He tried mightily to showcase his talents to his parents with drawings he would leave on the fridge, but his parents did not recognize his need for artistic recognition. Without proper guidance, Johnny was left to his own devices and quickly fell in with the wrong crowd. They appreciated his drawings. They appreciated when he would put them on their refrigerator. Seeking a way to show the world his passion for the arts, Johnny did what any reasonable individual would do, cover his face in satanic tattoos. It's like having a walking portfolio that even his parents can't overlook.

The Trying Too Hard To Be Alternative Teenager

Sure we all go through a rebellious stage in our life. We cut our hair a little weird. We wear controversial clothing. We listen to loud music. But there always has to be one kid that takes it too far. This is that kid. And I will bet every nickel I have in my pocket there is father at home that rode him hard to always take it to the next level when it came to little league sports. After recognizing that his son did not have the skills to play high school sports, he gave on the boy. Left with a will to take everything to the "next level" this walking metal shop became the guy that doesn't know when he has taken rebellion too far.

Michael Jackson 

I don't think I need to say too much here, but for those of you that don't know, here are the cliff notes:  Don't treat your child like a singing and dancing meal ticket and stunt their eventual growth into manhood. It doesn't end well for anybody but the strangely white and blonde children that are left with all of his money. 

So What do you think Stunt Dad Nation? Is it fair to judge parents by the looks of their children? Do you have any examples that you would like to share? Leave them in the comments below. 

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Judge, Jury and Stuntecutioner: Wave at the Bus Dad

The Case: The People vs. Wave at the Bus Dad

The Charge: Cruel and unusual parentry

The Evidence:

In early 2010, Dale Prince learned that his son's bus route was changing and that it would actually be going past their house every day. Like any reasonable person, his first thought was "How can I use this to embarrass my son?". The answer... every morning he sees his son off to school by waving at the bus... dressed in a costume. Not only does he do this every morning, he makes it his mission to ensure that no two costumes are the same. As expected, when there is a grown man dressed in a mermaid costume, Dale has gained a bit of national attention. Which I am sure his son loves.

For over 170 school days, Dale has documented his full line of costumes on his site. These getups range from ninja to birthday suit (And no, he is not waving at the school bus naked. I am sure that is a different father down the street.) Here are a couple of examples for your consideration:

• Ariel
• Super Dad
• Nacho Cheese
• Terry Potter
• Batman and the Boy Wonder

The Prosecution:

Good people of the courtroom, I ask you not whether Mr. Prince is a good father, I ask you whether or not this is the activity of a sane and reasonable man. Sure, Mr. Prince is clever and seems to be a fun guy, but is this really the type of example that you want to set for your child. Shouldn't Mr. Prince try being a better member of the community? Maybe instead of spending the time gathering costumes, he could be volunteering his time for a worthy cause? Or perhaps volunteering for the local Neighborhood Watch on the lookout for the weirdo in the neighborhood that dresses up in costumes and waves at underage children... that way he could kill two birds with one stone. I argue that Mr. Prince is more of a public nuisance than a positive influence.

The Defense:

What the prosecution is clearly overlooking is the bond that is being created between Mr. Prince and his son. Sure, it is an unorthadox approach, but his son will have a memory that no other child will have. In a country where almost 26% of households have no father figure in them, are we to judge a man who not only wants to be a part of his son's life, but goes so far to make every day special and memorable for his son? I say that is no country I want to be a part of. I think the efforts of Mr. Prince are to be praised. I say if the mermaid costume fits, you must acquits.

The Verdict:

After weighing the evidence before me, I rule the accused... not guilty. How can you not support a man that just wants to torment his son a little. It could be worse—he could be like half of the dads I grew up with that show up at school drunk, yelling slurs, and reliving the glory days of Junior Varsity Football. As much as the kid probably hates it, this will be a bond that he will have with his dad for the rest of his life. I need to start planning how I can top this.

Stuntecution: Unneeded

Make sure you check out Dale's website at:

http://waveatthebus.blogspot.com/

What ideas do you have to torment and embarrass your kids?


- Not a parenting blog, not a daddy blog, not a mommy blog — it's a Stunt Dad blog.

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"Are You Babysitting Today?"

Whenever I am out with my kids on the weekend, there is one thing that I hate more than anything else. Is it the constant screaming and demands for food, toys and attention? No, it is when people come up and feel inclined to ask me "Are you babysitting the kids today?"

Do I look like a thirteen year old girl saving up for the latest Justin Bieber cd? Do I look like Mr. Belvidere? No, I am their father! I want to be with my kids and share in my responsibilites of raising them to be happy well adjusted adults that add value to the planet (also my wife made me take them out).

If you should happen to have this happen to you in the future, here are a couple of handy responses to share with your new curious friend:

• "No, I was actually was trying to kidnap them and they both wouldn't fit into the trunk."
• "How dare you ma'am! These are my dwarf parents and I can't believe you would be so rude as to call them children. Dad here is a defense attorney working on some of the most important cases in the system today and Mom was runner up for Ms. Illinois in 1972. I think we both know that you owe them an apology and some candy."
• "I am a cannibal and these are my afternoon snacks."
• "Actually they are watching me. You see I am legally blind and I couldn't afford a helper monkey, so the state had all these orphans lying around...and let me tell you they are helpful."
• "Thank god you see them too! Nobody else can see them and I was starting to worry that I was going crazy."

Seriously, as a father, I think it is important that we raise our children to understand that the time that we spend with them is not a "chore" or a "job". I know most of the time, people are just trying to make small talk, but children are very preceptive and start to intake "cultural norms" early in life. Make sure they know that you are not the babysitter, you are their father...and you can afford your own Justin Bieber cds.

If someone should ask what an appropriate question to you or your children would be instead of this, here are some acceptable statements that I appreciate.

• Where are you taking the little ones today?
• It looks like a big day out with Daddy. Where are you going today?
• Are you having fun with daddy today?
• Are you being good for daddy today?
• Isn't your daddy so handsome?

Do you have this happen to you? Do you hate this as much as I do? Let us know.

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